


Aftermath

by Daffie_Chan



Series: A whole new world [1]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Aftermath, Angst, Chaos, Danvers Sisters, Drama, F/F, Fluff, Friendship, Identity Issues, Love, Mental Instability, New era, Post-Crisis on Infinite Earth, Slow Burn, SuperCorp, Thriller, conflicted souls, infinite earths, life after crisis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-20
Updated: 2020-04-10
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:41:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 50,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21872377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daffie_Chan/pseuds/Daffie_Chan
Summary: The crisis is over.The paragon were able to create a new Earth, but at what costs?Each citizen of Earth is a merge of every version of themselves on all the Earths.They have to find the best place for their soul to be.For some it's clear, for others it's harder.It is especially hard on Lena.Kara has to fight for her hard.We follow Kara on her journey to safe her loved ones.
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor, Minor Alex Danvers/Kelly Olsen - Relationship
Series: A whole new world [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1717003
Comments: 57
Kudos: 328





	1. Intro

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfic in over a decade.  
> English isn't my first language, please be kind.  
> I needed some 2 or 3 chapters to get into it.  
> It gets better ;)

The fog of the crisis was still not vanished from the air.  
National City was covered in a red glow.  
It was nothing like the beautiful glow of sunrise, though it was the beginning of a new era, it felt like sadness, despair, destruction and defeat. 

Kara thought it was fitting, it was exactly how she felt.  
The balcony of the DEO was a comforting place, a large part of the city could be seen and it gave her mind some clarity.

Kara’s hope was needed to end the crisis. Sara had led them to their new destiny, she believed they were able to wright their own destiny.  
It was Barry’s love that became the main focus to rewrite the book of destiny. They were not able to restore the infinite Earths.  
This city was now bound to an Earth that was Earth-1 nor Earth-38. 

The paragons had to settle on a new created Earth. Many lives were lost, so many earths were lost.  
Kara wasn’t able to save them all.  
In fact, compared to all the billions of lives lost, only a handful of lives could be spared.  
It was still an Earth full, but infinite except for one were lost. 

She was not able to save Argo, her mother and all that remained of her history, of her roots, her species, they were all lost forever.  
Only her and Clark remained and now the hybrid little Jonathan.  
Two and a halve Kryptonians left.  
A few years ago, she discovered her mother was still alive, she had family, a place she had belonged if destiny had treated her kindlier.  
Destiny…

This Earth was a merged version of more than one earth, it left most people confused because they had the memory of more than one life, the history of more than one destiny…  
No, it all came down to this one destiny. 

This life after crisis.

Alex was one of the conflicted souls.  
She joined her sister on the balcony.  
At least, Alex had chosen to commit to her memories from Earth-38 because that was where she felt most at home, most useful, most at peace. It wasn’t the easiest of lives she had lived on the Earths, but it was the one that made the most sense, the one she belonged.  
Her soul was supposed to be Kara’s sister, even if the pod never landed on her Earth.  
J’onn had helped her to focus her mind on the life she had on Earth-38 to cancel out all the noise from the other lives she had lived.

The older Danvers had her gaze on her little Kryptonian sister with a little smirk.  
The troubled blonde felt eyes poking at the side of her head, which made her escape her thoughts for a second.  
She locked eyes with the brown eyed woman and couldn’t help but let out a sign of relief. 

“I’m glad you chose to be my sister.”  
It was the only comfort she could find in her messed up world right now.  
Alex smiled and pulled her sister in an embrace and assured her:

“On every Earth, in every lifetime, I would always choose to be your sister!”  
Kara was finally able to smile and let her body relax in her sister’s arms. 

It was heart breaking to realize all the souls on this Earth were as compromised as Alex’s was.  
Thank Rao for J’onn who had already helped most of the DEO employees, even though not all of them chose their DEO life, it was their decision to make. 

Brainy had considered his choice to be an easy one.  
Earth-38 was the only Earth he had lived in this period in time.

Nia also came to a decision pretty easily.  
She had lived on some Earths and even though she was just starting to figure out her Dreamer status and what love between her and Brainy meant, she had never backed down for a challenge.  
The young reporter was certain this was who she was meant to be.  
No doubt. 

J’onn was relieved Mars was saved, it was needed in this solar system.  
Kara and J’onn insisted they save the Mars which belonged with Earth-38 so M’gann and Malefic would also be saved.  
They succeeded.

“I couldn’t save them all, Alex. So many lives were lost. Just vanished, gone forever.”  
Kara allowed herself to break down for the first time since the Crisis, save and tightly pressed against her sister.  
Alex put as much pressure as she was able to around her sister. 

“I do not agree” she placed a kiss at the top of blonde’s head.  
“In a way, you saved us all. Yes, we are all our Earth versions combined in one body. But we are here and we have the ability to choose the life we want to live.” 

The DEO director started laughing without warning and Kara looked up in surprise.  
Her questioned look made Alex catch her breath.  
“I’m sorry, other Earth versions of me have done some crazy shit. I can tell you all about being a pro wrestler and also about being a nun.” 

It relieved a lot of Kara’s tension and she decided to go along with it, tomorrow will be a new day to deal with all the other broken souls of this earth.  
This night she was going to spend with her sister and get some rest.

The Kryptonian swung her arm around her sister’s shoulder and escorted her inside 

“Please, tell me all about your days as a pro wrestler.”


	2. Alex & Kelly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex has spoken with Kelly about their life after crisis.

The Danvers sisters had an old-fashioned sleepover to both forget the weight of the world, just for one night and concentrate on what they did have, each other.  
Kara woke up to the sunlight shining on her face.  
She turned to her other side and slit the covers over her head before she realized… 

“The sun!” 

The blond jumped out of bed and rushed to the window.  
The red fog had nearly cleared, blue sky shimmered through and the sun…  
The sun was warming her body again.  
It filled her up with new strength, new joy and new hope.  
Yesterday, everything seemed lost and gone, today is a new day and a new era with new possibilities. 

Kara was determined to help everybody like Alex was helped.  
She didn’t know how yet, but there must be a way.

Thinking of Alex… Where was she?

Still dressed in her pyjama’s the Kryptonian helped herself to a Kryptonian breakfast, like she called it.  
Joyfully she stuffed her face with yesterday’s leftover pizza, a bucket of Ben & Jerry’s, a family portion of potstickers and a hot chocolate with whipped cream.  
Her head had disappeared in the refrigerator when the front door slammed. 

She jumped up. “I didn’t touch the pie.” 

She had a busted look on her face with a candy bar sticking out of her mouth.  
If Kara had used her super hearing, she wouldn’t have been so surprised with the sudden reappearance of her sister, but she was too caught up in her food.

The human Danvers wasn’t amused at all.  
Her face was filled with sorrow.  
Nothing was left of the pro wrestler queens’ silliness of last night. 

Kara dropped her candy bar, rushed over to her big sister and guided her over to the couch.  
Alex couldn’t bear to look at Kara, she just stared into nothingness.  
“Kelly…” was all she could say before she broke down.  
This time it was up to the blonde to take her sister in a comforting embrace, not knowing what is happening at this point. 

Didn’t Kelly make it to this Earth?  
That’s nearly impossible from what they had learned in the last twenty-four hours.  
Kara settled with letting her sister cry it out until she was ready to talk.  
“I’m here.”  
“I’ve got you.”  
“You are save.”  
Was all she said while she softly cradled the woman who made Earth feel like home for her.

It took a while before Alex was able to explain.  
Although she had fully committed to her Earth-38 life, it was different for Kelly.

Her fiancé seemed to be alive at this new Earth, because she was alive on other Earths.  
The big-eyed beauty loved Alex, like she did on their Earth together, but she also loved her fiancé. Her soul was torn between two women who held her heart.

Kelly had sent both lovers out, she needed time and had promised Alex she would contact her.  
For now, the Danvers had to keep her distance.

Kara could tell her sister feared the worst and she could not blame her.  
Kelly was still broken about the loss of her fiancé when she dated Alex, when she loved Alex.  
Kara was powerless against her sisters’ pain and fear.

“Do you regret choosing this life?” she asked with fear in her voice.  
Alex didn’t answer.  
“You could have chosen infinite possibilities in which you would have love for sure.”  
Still no reaction. 

“You could have been a nun?!”  
Kara smiled to cheer her sister up. 

Finally, the big sis snickered.  
“Well, that nun had fun I can assure you. I’m not sure heaven would open the gates though.”  
She rolled her eyes with a smirk. 

Kara’s cheeks blushed while she let out an uncontrollable laugh, like only the blonde Kryptonian could.  
Embarrassed by the sound she produced; she covered her mouth with her hand.  
Alex was able to smile a little. 

“No, I am absolutely certain I have chosen the right path for my soul. I can only hope Kelly is my true soulmate…” she signed “But that is something only she can figure out.” 

Kara proudly smiled at her sister’s determination.  
“As long as you get the opportunity to show her the awesomeness that is you, you will be fine!”  
The brunette rests her head on her sisters’ shoulder. 

“I hope so.”


	3. Planning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This Earth is created.  
> Lots of people are saved.  
> But how can they help people move on from this chaos in their minds?  
> Plans need to me made.

Both sisters walked into the DEO early that afternoon.  
Director Danvers needed her job to get her mind of the dilemma she could not control.  
It wasn’t up to her at this point.

Supergirl had a glow of determination when she entered the room.  
Her strong presence made several employees straiten their backs filled with new energy.  
That was one of the hidden powers of Kara Danvers, not many people realised she possessed.  
J’onn certainly did, it made him smile to see her like that again.

The afternoon was spent with making plans to give people the opportunity to focus their minds like J’onn did for Alex.  
The Martian could use the help of his brother, but even then, they would not be able to reach all people on earth.  
Besides, they must have made their decision on which they want their mind to focus.

National City alone is a good start.  
Kara plans on using CatCo to inform its citizens.  
After a matter of time J’onn will send out a psychic wave that will allow people to focus their mind.  
But he is in need of a way to strengthen his signal.

It remains still for a little while.  
Kara doesn’t even want to think it, but she is sure everyone thinks the same.

Finally, Alex speaks up:  
“Lena could do it.”

The Kryptonian stiffens and holds her breath for a short while before releasing it slowly.  
Her strong and inspiring determination faded as quickly as Argo had been destroyed.

Nobody knows how Lena came out of the crisis.  
Kara had thought about her a lot more than she cared to admit. 

_“Your words mean nothing to me anymore. Spare us both the drama. Leave me alone.”_  
The words still echo in her mind.  
The last words Lena spoke to her before…  
Before Earth-38 was destroyed. 

She hasn’t spoken her since.  
Of all the Earths Lena must have lived on, why would she possibly choose to be her Lena?

“SUPERGIRL!”  
Alex shouted her back to reality.  
Kara’s fists were clenched and she realised her cheeks were wet.  
She must have been leaking, like Brainy calls it, when she was lost in her mind.  
Alex takes her hand and guides her away to the balcony. 

“What’s on your mind?” is all she asks.  
The director knows her sister well enough to see her worries about Lena, but she needs to hear Kara say it.  
The Super isn’t able to look at her sister, she turns her head away to stare into nothingness. 

“The last thing my Lena said to me was to leave her alone. She could be any Lena but mine right now. I have no idea who I will meet when I land on that L-Corp balcony.” 

The L-Corp building can be seen from their position.  
It is still there, that must be a good sign.  
If Lena is still there is questionable though.  
The possibility of her birth mother being alive at one of the Earths and raising Lena as anything but a Luthor is not unthinkable.  
A small part of Kara even wishes it’s true. 

Lena’s mom is Irish.  
She could have taken her to Ireland to drink her Guinness in a pub and celebrate st Patrick’s day instead of sipping her scotch doing everything she can to prove she is good.

There must have been an Earth in which Lena wasn’t lonely, where she was happy, cheerful and loved. 

This thought makes her smile trough her tears.  
She doesn’t even notice her hands crumble the balcony.  
Her whole body is trembling.

Alex places a hand on her sisters’ shoulder.  
“Kara…”  
The blonde is able to look at the other Danvers again.  
“We just repaired that.” she said pointing her gaze at the fresh balcony damage in an effort to lighten the mood.

The caped girl backed away from her spot, still holding remains of the concrete in her hands.  
“Ow… sorry.”  
Her body loosens the tension.

Alex smiled with a sigh.  
“I just hope she found a happy life, Alex. Even if it means she’s not our Lena anymore.”  
The sister nodded.  
“I know what you mean. We will only know when we find her.”

Kara sighed and tilted her head looking her sister in the eyes.  
“I am terrified. I don’t know what I want to find. It’s possible she is happy and doesn’t remember me or maybe even worse; she is the broken piece of human I helped creating at our Earth.” 

A silence took over the conversation until it became to loud to bear.  
“Or… She became an Irish dancer and is preforming the Riverdance in a group of loved ones.” Alex fantasized.  
Kara’s cheeks flushed; she remembered a time she had tried to get Lena to dance.  
“There is no Earth in the infinite universe in which Lena Luthor is able to dance.”  
Her lips could not resist to curl up at the memory.


	4. The Woman Behind The Desk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara is on her way to see Lena.  
> She meets an old acquaintance.

The article for CatCo was published in a matter of hours at the end of the afternoon.  
If the reporter was honest, the decision to wright the article first was only to postpone the inevitable.

She wore her glasses and kept her cape at home.  
Kara would always have a better chance with her best-friend than Supergirl had.  
Or is it her former best-friend?  
Or is she a complete stranger?

Kara straightened her back and shook al the anxiety of her shoulders.  
It was best to rip the bandage off as quickly as possible and not postpone any further.

She had discovered CatCo was still owned by Lena.  
The chances of her being in National City grew tremendously.  
Although she couldn’t figure out what it meant.

At the front door of the L-Corp building, Kara could feel her heart racing.  
She could even hear it.  
Her own heartbeat was distracting.  
The blue-eyed reporter couldn’t figure out what exactly made her heart rush.  
She felt nervous, she felt terrified, she felt… exited? 

Kara fidgeted with her glasses and took a deep breath before entering the door.

The building was as she could remember.  
A comforting feeling shushed her wildly beating heart as the interior looked and felt familiar.  
She used the calmed this comfort gave her to take big steps towards the elevator.

As the doors closed behind her, she cursed the impressive amount of levels the building owned.  
Gosh, Lena could be so over the top sometimes.  
It was a quality Kara usually admired in Lena, but right now…  
It just felt very dramatic.  
Kara had way too much time to think and get nervous again.  
Anxiety was building up, the walls seemed to come in closer and just landing on the balcony as Supergirl didn’t seem such a bad idea anymore.

“Get it together, Kara.” She whispered to herself. 

A freeing ‘ding’ rang in her ears.  
Thank Rao!

She took big steps so nobody could stop her from entering Lena’s office, not even herself.  
The moment her hand touched the door handle a familiar voice spoke up.

“What can I do for you, miss Danvers?”

Kara froze at the high pitched, way to cheerful, sound.  
Her hands clinched into fists.  
She turned her upper torso and head to face the source of the question.  
With humans it would have been a moment in which Kara’s eyes could figuratively spit fire.  
In the Kryptonians’ case she had to restrain herself not to actually fry the woman at the spot.

“Eve?!”  
She fully turned to meet the baby-faced blonde face to face.  
Anger rose, mixed with fear.  
Kara took a deep breath to keep herself from charging at the questioned looking Eve.  
“What have you done with Lena?”

It took a second for Eve to realize what was happening.  
This woman always had the talent to look dumb while being a secret genius.  
“I’m miss Luthor’s’ assistant.”

Kara furrowed her brows in unpleasant surprise.  
Eve took it as an invite to speak more freely.  
“Look… I don’t know exactly what is going on. I know I have a lot of mixed up memories, as does the other people I have met since yesterday. It’s hard to know what is real and what is not. I bet it’s the same for you.”  
She paused for a moment, in which Kara dropped her fighting stance and got ready for a conversation.

It wasn’t the same for Kara, she didn’t have a conflicted soul.  
She only had the memory of one lifetime.  
But Eve didn’t have to know.

“I don’t know how you remember me mostly. But I remember me mostly as miss Luthor’s assistant and occasionally partner.”  
The reporter allowed her body to relax.  
This wasn’t the Eve she knew.  
The Eve she had learned to distrust.

She had to admit;  
Her eyes looked different… more confident.  
Even though this woman was confused, she looked more certain than Kara had ever seen her.  
And not the overcompensating cockiness she saw in Kaznia.  
This was a different Eve.  
Perhaps a better version.

What kind of Paragon of Hope would Kara be if she could not believe this Eve was to be trusted?

Kara hesitated.  
She shuffled on her feet, not sure whether to walk away and meet a Lena or talk.

“Eve?!”  
She had to ask before she faced her.  
“How is Lena?”

The assistant shifted on her feet, tilted her head and sighed.  
She swallowed a lump in her throat, turned her eyes towards the floor and slowly shook her head.  
“Not as I knew her.”

Kara felt a chilling shiver down her spine.  
This didn’t sound good.

“I think she has been waiting for you to be honest. I’ve heard her call your name more than once.”

Now it was Kara’s turn to swallow dryness out of her throat, it didn’t help.  
Worry was her new main emotion.

“She is in her lab.” 

A silence was followed.  
She didn’t know how to respond; her mind had a lot of information to process.  
Her eyes stared at nothing in particular.

“If you like, I can take you there.”

It was the kind of encouragement she needed.  
Kara nodded at the offer and followed the other blonde in silence.


	5. Lena

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara finally meets up with her best friend.  
> But she is in for a surprise as their reunion doesn’t go as she had anticipated.

The walk towards the lab was nerve-wracking.  
Eve said she thought Lena had been waiting for Kara.  
In these circumstances, that could mean anything.

The possibilities in Kara’s mind variated to anything between kissing and killing her.  
Being so uncertain was eating her up inside.  
She had to meet Lena quickly, she couldn’t take it any longer.

Eve walked ahead, knocking on the lab door.  
No answer came, but it wasn’t for the lack of noise on the other side.

“Lucky I’m also a lab partner from time to time.” Eve said proudly waving her key card.  
Carefully the assistant opened the door.  
“Miss Luthor?”

Lena was rushing through her lab from one computer to another.  
From a hologram whirlpool to a microscope to some loose papers and with a bottle of beer at her lip.  
Her mind seemed all over the place but still surprisingly focussed.

At least she was still into her alcohol, that was something Kara recognized, but never like this.  
Her Lena was also to classy for beer.  
But the focus was something she had seen before.

“F*ck off, Eve. I’m working, go s*ck my brother for all I care. Give him my kind regards while you are doing that piece of sh*t.”

Kara gasped, she was taking back by the use of language.  
She raised her eyebrows while her eyes searched for Eve’s for some kind of answer or encouragement.  
Anything…

The blue eyes found each other and Eve simple shrug.  
“Could be worse, good luck miss Danvers.” She smiled at Kara.

Eve walked off, leaving her alone with the focussed brunette. 

Lena’s energy was larger than life itself, Kara could feel it.  
It was overwhelmingly terrifying.  
She was everywhere.

How Kara wished she had some of Kate’s fearlessness right now.  
She just stood there, uncertain what to do.

The reporter was facing the back of a white lab coat.  
Dark high ponytail dancing above it.

Kara kept watching her.  
Observing her.  
Who was she?  
Friend or foe?  
There was no way to figure that out by just watching her work.

The brunette still hadn’t noticed her.  
She took a sip of her beer before taking another look in the microscope.

“Lena?!”  
She carefully questioned, bracing herself for an impact of… well anything.  
This was the most unpredictable being she had ever seen in her lifetime and she had fought invisible aliens.

Lena’s back straightened in a blink of an eye.  
She turned sideways and twisted her upper body further to face the one who called her.  
Her head tilted to the side as she raised her left eyebrow.

O good, it’s still her left, at least that’s the same.  
Kara found that thought strangely reassuring.  
She missed that eyebrow.  
What a strange thing to miss about a person.

Lena’s eyes widened  
“Kara?”

She put her beer bottle on the desk and started walking over towards Kara.  
At first slowly, but her speed increased rapidly.

The scientist crashed into the confused reporter with force, swinging her arms around the blondes’ neck.  
They would have tipped over if it wasn’t for the Supers strength.

Lena sighed in relief.  
“I was so worried about you.”  
She fully committed to the embrace as she relaxed into Kara’s arms.

Kara had prepared for anything, but this.  
Even her hope didn’t dare to imagine this warm contact as an actual possibility.

Finally, Kara was able to smile.  
She tightened her grip around the smaller woman and allowed herself to get lost in the moment.  
This felt like her Lena, this was a familiar hug.  
This felt safe.

Her body released all the tension she had built up to that point.  
Lena had her hand resting at the back of Kara’s head, slowly stroking it with the tips of her fingers.  
It was such a loving feeling; if the blonde were a cat she would have purred for sure.  
A warmth glows up in her, it was comforting and safe.  
This Lena made her feel safe and sound.  
Kara seemed to lose all sense of time.

The two women hang on to each other for what seemed way longer than necessary.  
But this was necessary after all that had happened.

It took them a while to feel comfortable with loosening the hug.  
As they parted Lena kept her face close to Kara.  
Closer than she was used to, but it was not uncomfortable.  
The tall blonde smiled as she enjoyed this moment with her best friend.

Kara noticed how Lena’s eyes were different.  
Though they were the same ocean green colour, with her right eye leaning slightly towards a bluer shade of green than her left one, they didn't feel the same.

These eyes pierced her with affection.  
She could only be in awe of those eyes, with her mouth hanging slightly open in a soft smile.  
The taller woman didn’t understand what was happening here, but she wasn’t about to break the spell Lena had just put her under.  
It felt like a dream, not sure if she was enjoying it or would end up covered in sweat with a deafening heartbeat.  
It was like a movie, not really happening to her, but she had to know what would happen next.

With her hands resting behind Kara’s neck, but their faces as far apart as her arms allow her, Lena spoke;  
“I’m so glad to see you’re okay. I mean… you are okay right?”  
She cupped Kara’s face with her hands.

Kara closed her mouth; holding a dryness in it which made her unable to speak.  
Her gleamy eyes must have expressed all the relive she felt.  
She smiled as she nodded.

Everything was okay now.

“Good.” Lena expressed, placing a kiss on Kara’s forehead.  
“From now on, we stick together right?!”  
Her look was worried, loving and intimidating at the same time.  
Kara couldn’t help to nod in agreement again.

Lena smiled at her, making sure their eyes were locked.  
Her thumb whipped away a tear rolling down Kara’s cheek.  
“Hey… why the tears, darling?”  
The blonde didn’t realize a tear had escaped her eye.

Kara looked away shyly, she felt her face heat up.  
Her smile could not be restrained.  
A weight was lifted of her shoulders.  
Lena must have forgiven her, their friendship seemed to be restored.  
Rao, she felt protected by the green-eyed beauty in front of her.  
This was such a safe and loving moment.  
Her heart made a happy jump.

“I’m just so happy to see you.”  
She finally spoke.

Lena smiled and pulled her back in her embrace.  
“Likewise.”

They released each other from their hug.  
Lena stepped backwards; her eyes were caught by her project again.

The much more relaxed Kryptonian was finally able to use her words again like a normal human being.  
“What are you working on?” she asked.

Lena sighed and began to explain keeping her gaze at her equipment.  
The tone in her voice got serious.  
“Something has happened… It’s like my head is filled with all these different kinds of memories. Lives that I’ve never lived. Like more than one person is trapped inside me.”  
She paused for a moment.  
Kara was intrigued by what she had discovered on her own and the way she expressed herself.

Lena swallowed and searched for Kara’s eyes again.  
“I know I’m not the only one who feels this way. It’s hard to keep them all under control.”  
The muscles in her neck gave away her swallow.  
“I’m trying to find a way to get it under control. A part of me now has knowledge I can use, but it feels dangerous digging into that personality for some reason.”

Kara tilted her head sideward, trying to figure out what exactly she was saying.  
An unexplainable chill creeped up on her.

Lena allowed her gaze to drop.  
“Look Kara, I’m really glad you are here now…”

She crossed her arms in front of her, changing her stand.  
Looking Kara straight in the eyes tilting her head sideward.

“Where were you last night? You didn’t come home. I have been looking for you.”  
She lowered her voice, which made it sound reproaching. 

This confused Kara.  
“I… I was at home last night; Alex was sleeping over.”  
Her eyes had shifted from the sparkling light green from seconds ago to something darker. 

Kara flinches in reflex. 

Those eyes…  
All her spark is gone, replaced with a bitter cold.  
Her jaw clenched.

Kara takes a step back, shocked by the suddenness of this change.  
The brunette’s energy is dark and chilling.  
All the warmth she radiated moments ago seemed to be replaced by a bitter cold.  
“Lena?” 

Lena balled her fists and started snapping;  
“You liar!”  
She stepped forward, pushed Kara away.  
“You motherf*cking, c*nt-s*cking, worthless piece of sh*t-“

A lot more shoving and swearing followed after that.  
More than Kara had ever heard in her life.  
Some words and combination of words were completely new to her.  
Apparently, Lena was quiet the potty-mouthed on one of the Earths, Kara thought.

The beer bottle flew at Kara’s head, but her super reflexes could dodge them.

The blonde had superspeed, but her mind could not keep up with what was happening right now.

Lena fell on her knees, crying in remorse.  
“Kara, please forgive me. I am so sorry. I know I am a disappointment, please don’t leave me. I can’t be alone anymore.” She begged.

Kara frowned her eyebrows.  
The way Lena looked tore Kara apart.  
She could not leave Lena like this.  
So fragile.  
So broken.

She approached the torn woman with caution.  
Slowly she let herself down on her knees next to the sobbing woman.

“I’m not going anywhere. I’m here with you.”  
She rests her hands on her own knees.  
By being confidence and calm, she hopes to reassure her friend.  
“Always!” she added with an encouraging smile.

The broken genius clamped her head between her two hands and started screaming at the top of her lungs. 

Kara felt her heart breaking at the sound of her desperation.  
For the woman she held so dearly seemed to suffer an overwhelming pain.

Lena screamed until she was breathless.  
She supported her upper body on her hands.  
Heavily breathing, she trembled.  
The vein on her forehead was visibly pumping.

“Get out.” She ordered panting, clenching her jaw.

Kara dared to place her hand reassuringly on her shoulder.  
“Lena, I’m here…”

Lena seemed to change her persona again and stammered;  
“Please…” looking up to what once was her best friend.  
Tears filled her eyes.  
Her fragile voice was filled with embarrassment.  
“Just leave me.”

Kara stayed by her side.

Lena shook the hand of her shoulder.  
A growl escaped the brunette as she tensed her muscles and pushed herself back on her feet again.

The blonde got on her feet a few steps back.

“Go back to your mighty tower and pretend to be in power to save all the lost souls on Earth with your Kryptonian god-complex.”

Kara gasped while Lena continued.

“Believe you are the hero of all. The promise who will protect the world from all she thinks is villainous.”

Her back straightened, she lifted her chin which exposed her crazy eyes.  
Kara had never seen that look on her.  
It chilled her to the bone.

With a devilish smirk on her face she slowly circled the Super who, right now, did not feel super at all.  
Kara was confused beyond words.

“Look what you did, Kara!”  
She spread her arms, continuing circling the blonde with bulging eyes.  
Her voice was sharp and higher pitched as the usual controlled voice of the respected CEO.

“Billions of people trapped in their own head. Not being able to separate reality from memory. With no idea of who they are and who they are supposed to be…”  
Kara’s tear-filled eyes followed the sneering Luthor.  
Her lower lip trembling.  
She desired to deny everything, but she couldn’t for in her heart she knew it was true.

“All those feeling completely insane, screaming out loud to not hear the noise in their head.”  
She continued.  
“It is all because you wanted to save them. But not just them… You wanted to save them all!”  
The circling stopped.  
“Yes, I figured it out. A lot faster than your betrayal, I’m quite pleased with myself, thank you very much!”  
A loud laugh caught her by surprise.  
“I became completely mental.”  
Her smile faded into a thin line as her tilted head rose straight on her shoulders.  
Her voice dropped.

“Who is the villain now? Tell me… Supergirl?!” 

Kara couldn’t take it anymore.  
She backed away.

“Run you f*cking coward! Fly off to look down on us all.”

The blonde hesitated, unsure of what to do.  
She was breathing heavily, feeling light in her head from all the mixed emotions thrown at her.

“Who do you think you are? Some kind of Kryptonian god?”  
Lena started laughing “You are not worth worshipping, you ignorant fool.”

A war-cry was what followed next “LEAVE!”

Kara obeyed and rushed out of the lab, straight for the nearest balcony and she flew off.  
She didn’t even bother to get into her Supergirl outfit.  
Tears were streaming from her face so rapidly, people on the street beneath her must think it is raining.

As she flew off, she could hear Lena’s pain filled scream again.  
The sound pierced her ears.  
It cut like a knife through her chest. 

What had just happened?  
She needed to fly to clear her mind.  
She needed to fly to know what had just happened.  
She needed to get away from there.

One thing she was sure of…  
She had seen it.  
She had felt it.  
She knows it.

That broken woman…  
That woman in pain…  
Severely compromised with others…  
But this…

This was her Lena!

A haunting hysterical laugh echoed in her super hearing.  
It made Kara stop mid-air and turn around.  
The red fog had completely cleared.  
The L-Corp building was visible far in the distance.

Kara straightened her back forming into her Supergirl persona.  
She clenched her fists in determination;

“I’m not giving up on you, Lena…”  
She promised herself.

“Never!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I said I would keep my chapters short.  
> But I couldn't resist myself with this one.  
> This deserved to be longer in my opinion.
> 
> Feel free to leave comments


	6. Eliza

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex asked Eliza to come to the DEO and clarify her faith.  
> What life has she chosen?

The night was a torture to get through.  
Early in the morning Kara escaped her home, were she felt time stood still.  
Nothing changed as long as she was spending time in her apartment.  
While it was clear to her a lot had to change.

She arrived at the DEO before sunrise and before Alex and J’onn.  
The training room was calling her to blow of some steam.  
A car wrack was her victim today.  
She smashed it until nothing was left but scrap.

Supergirl had worn herself out, punching all her frustration about not knowing how to help her best friend out.  
With her hands on her hips she was catching her breath as she heard a knock on the door behind her.

Alex entered.  
“I thought I mind find you here.”  
Her hands were tucked in the back pockets of her DEO uniform as she approached her sister.  
Kara let out a breath and dropped her head for a small second.  
A soft smile appeared as she looked at her sister, straightening her posture.  
She was happy to see a friendly face.

The scrap shattered over the floor caught Alex’s attention.  
She stopped to pick some piece up.  
Her face looked impressed at the destruction of the old car.  
“So… You found Lena?”  
Their eyes locked.  
Alex face saddened in empathy at the desperate look on Kara’s face.  
“What happened?”

Kara tried to explain the best she could.  
It was a hard task; she still had a lot of questions about what had happen.

“It was like she switched between personalities while I stood there. One moment she was loving and caring, the next she blamed me for all the confusion and hurt.”  
Alex placed her hand on her shoulder.  
“This is not your fault, she-”  
“But it is! Lena is right.” Kara interrupted her with guilt in her eyes.

Alex sighed.  
“It maybe true, but you had no alternative. It was this or no planet at all.”  
Kara thought about it.  
She decided not to argue her sister about this, there was truth in her words.  
A nod became her response. 

The human shook her Kryptonian sister a little and smiled at her.  
Kara was able to smile back at her.  
“Come, lets get us some breakfast.”  
The blonde would not argue her sisters’ proposition.

They had breakfast at the DEO canteen, talking about the food itself to keep the mood light.

“I called mom last night.” Alex dropped.  
Kara looked up at the sudden change of subject, her face stuffed with her sandwich, eyes widened.  
The older Danvers swallowed before she continued;  
“She was happy to hear my voice and she was processing everything going on inside her mind. I asked her to meet us here at ten.”

A chill creeped up on Kara, it made her unable to chew her food.  
Eliza had always treated her as her own child.  
And she has been a mother to her, she loved very much.  
Kara had not thought about this before right now; Eliza had lived on many Earths without her.  
Alex chose to be her sister, but that doesn’t mean Eliza will choose to be her mother.

The train of thought must have shown on her face as Alex broke the building panic.  
“Chew your food, it will be fine.” She spoke casual.  
Kara started chewing slowly again, unable to shake the worry of her mind.  
Alex tilted her head sideward and sighed like she knew exactly what her sister was thinking.  
“Look… If necessary, I will talk to her. I am her daughter and this daughter has a sister, so basically she doesn’t have a choice.”  
Her sister made it sound so simple, Kara relaxed a little and remembered she still had food to chew in her mouth.  
The confidence Alex has is contagious.  
Kara nods at her sister and is even able to curl her lips into a careful smile.

The Danvers sisters are waiting for Eliza in the hallway.  
Kara has her arms crossed over her chest and taps her foot nervously on the floor.  
The other Danvers is pacing with her hands behind her back.  
Alex will never admit it, but Kara knows she is not as confident as she seemed a couple of hours ago.

Kara breaks the silence;  
“Alex?”  
The pacing stops.  
“What if-”  
“Don’t say it! It will be fine…”  
Kara sighs at her sister who seems to be convincing her as much as she is trying to convince herself.  
“It has to be.” Alex continued not much louder than a whisper.  
At that Kara had to scoff;  
“And they made me the paragon of Hope.”  
She walked over to her sister and wrapped her arms around Alex.  
“I love you, sis.” And kissed her temple.

A warm voice interrupted their moment.  
“It’s always good to see my girls taking care of each other.”  
Kara’s eyes widened as she processed the words Eliza used.  
Alex escaped her embrace to greet her mother with a hug of her own.

Still not able to belief what she thought she’d heard; she watched the family moment as a spectator.  
The two women parted and both put their focus on the insecure Super.

“You… you said; my girls? … Girls… As in more than one?” Kara stammered.  
Eliza smiled reassuring. The woman had a calm energy radiating of her.  
“Yes Kara, I mean both of you.”  
She invitingly spread her arms.  
The young blonde reacted almost immediately as she nestled herself in Eliza’s embrace.

“My dear Kara, I would never not want you as my daughter. How could you even think that?”  
Eliza knew her so well.  
Kara got out of her arms and put some distance between them.  
“But… Alex said you had to process things…”  
Her voice broke, she swallowed to get a grip on her vocal cords again.  
“I was afraid you didn’t want me as your daughter…” Kara was unable to finish her sentence.

Her scared look made the older Danvers sigh with a calming smile.  
“I did have to process all that is happening right now. That doesn’t mean I would ever consider a life without you as my daughter, Kara. I would always choose you.”

Alex broke the moment.  
She explained what J’onn could do for her brain and how it helped her.

Kara watched Alex guide Eliza towards J’onn’s office.  
Alex had given him an office again, since he would be spending a lot more time at the DEO again now that he was helping to fix the aftermath of the crisis.

Another weight was lifted of Kara’s shoulders.  
Her body relaxed to the thought of her world falling together piece by piece.  
A little victory to enjoy for this moment before the next hurdle.

She smiled as she took a deep breath and shook the tension of her back.

Her phone made a sound to a new message received, poking her curiosity so she looked at it right away.

Her heartbeat dropped as she gasped by the sight of the message;  
_‘I am sorry about yesterday.  
I didn’t mean to push you away, please come back home.  
I need you.  
-x- Lee’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My last chapter for 2019.
> 
> Happy New Year everybody!
> 
> I wish you all the love and joy in the world.


	7. Lunch with the psychologist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara is determined to help Lena, but she is scared something like their last encounter might happen again.  
> To prevent that from happening she reaches out for help.

_‘I am sorry about yesterday.  
I didn’t mean to push you away, please come back home.  
I need you.  
-x- Lee’_

Tend to fly off right away, she read the text a couple more times.  
Something was rather odd about it.  
One word stood out.

“Home…” Kara murmured to herself.  
She bit her lower lip as it got her thinking.  
Could she be at Kara’s apartment? But why would she be there? And how did she get in? … Lena is a genius with many questionable talents, she must know how to pick a lock.

Kara took a look at the message again.  
This time something caught her attention which made her stop thinking and start acting;  
_“I need you!”_

Like a starting shot at a race had sound, she flew off to her apartment.  
It was home to her, apparently Lena was there waiting for her.

\---

She got in through her window.  
Her apartment seemed empty.  
“Lena?” but nobody answered.

An ominous feeling creeped up on her.  
With her super hearing she listened for a familiar heartbeat, none but her own was present at her home.  
Her own heart skipped in panic and fear took over her brain.

Kara used her speed to search her apartment for the possibility of the lifeless body of Lena Luthor.  
There was no body to been found.  
She used her x-ray to be sure she didn’t mis a spot.

Her mind calmed down at the affirmation Lena was not lying dead in her apartment.  
Slowly her heartbeat steadied. 

The Supergirl closed her eyes, placed her hands at her hips and took a deep breath to gain control over her nerves again.  
“Be rational. Calm down and use your head. Don’t panic.” she ordered herself.

This earth was such a messed-up place right now.  
Everything could be expected.  
The last time she saw Lena was a catastrophe.

Kara took a moment to sit down on her couch.  
With her elbows resting on her knees, she planted her head against the palms of her hands.

She had put a lot of thought into Lena’s behaviour.  
How kind and lovely she was, Kara was unable to forget those sparkling eyes.  
The memory of the way she looked at her still made Kara feel warm inside.  
Like a drug she needed more of that Lena.  
Then her eyes turned dark… And she changed completely.

Kara searched her mind for what had triggered her friend to turn so unpredictable.

Maybe it was not wise to head out to Lena right away, without knowing how to approach her.  
But how would she know h-

Her thought train stopped like the emergency brake had been pulled.  
Suddenly she knew who to ask for help;  
“Kelly!”

To not leave Lena hanging she send her a simple message;  
_‘I’ll be with you after work, around five o’clock. Let me know where to meet you. -X- Kara’_  
She put her phone away and left to visit Kelly.

\----

She changed out of her Super suit into her Kara outfit before she entered the building.  
In the hallway she greeted Ron, a co-worker from CatCo.  
His eyes grew big as his stopped his pace.  
“Miss Danvers, good to see you back again.”  
Kara was taken back by the formal greeting, her eyes shot from left to right before stammering;  
“Ehm... Thank… you? Good to see you to, Ron.” She smiled at him.  
He returned the smile and picked up his pace again.  
As the blonde reporter followed him with her eyes she concluded; the last time she was here to wright her article, she had not run into any co-workers.  
She shrugs to leave thoughts about this strange encounter for another time.  
Her priorities lie with asking Kelly for help with Lena.

\----

Kelly was kind enough to make time during her lunch break, as long as Kara brought food.  
“It’s good to see you, Kara. How are you managing?” the psychologist asked while she accepted the bag of Big Belly Burger she was presented.  
Kara took a deep breath and took her time to let the question sink in.  
Her sisters love had a gift which made you want to tell her what was going on in your brain.  
The truth was, she didn’t really know how to put it in words.  
She settled on; “It’s all such a mess, I don’t know what to think or feel anymore.”  
Kelly nodded. “I know what you mean.”  
“It’s exhausting.” Kara added.

Kelly sighed.  
“It really is.”  
The psychologist seemed to let go of her role and allowed herself to talk to Kara freely.  
Her eyes trailed off.  
Kara noticed and took the change to pick her mind.  
She explained how she knew who she was and didn’t have any doubts or questions for herself.  
This was just her, as clear as day.  
It was hard to explain without her telling Kelly she was Supergirl and after the creation of the new Earth, there was only one of her.  
Kelly didn’t question though.

“For some people it’s clearer than others. I have many patients now, all with questions off their identity and memories of other lives all merged into one. It’s like everybody is searching their own destiny. Like Alex for example; she knows you are her sister and doesn’t want it any other way…”

Kelly stopped talking and sighed. Her eyes sadden.  
“Kara… You know I like your sister, right?”  
The blonde had just taken a bite of her burger, but nodded in agreement.  
She knew the Earth-38 Kelly liked Alex very much.  
“Alex seems to be sure about who she is and who she wants to be. It’s impressive.”  
At that Kara had to smile proudly. “My sister is very impressive.” she answered with pieces of food floating around her mouth. This made Kelly smile with a twinkle in her eyes.

“I am counting things out. Learning more and more about what I want and who I am and you are right; it is exhausting.” She rolled her eyes at the last word. “I know I am a psychologist, of that I’m sure.” she nodded and took a bite of her burger.

Kara couldn’t remember if she had ever had a conversation with Kelly without Alex present.  
The woman had a calm presence, she noticed. 

Kelly swallowed with a sound.  
“Hm, I’m sorry. You wanted to see me. What can I help you with?”

Somehow Kara didn’t want to face her problems again. She was fine listening to Kelly and learning about all the conflicted minds. Every confrontation with reality felt like guilt slapped in her face.  
She looked away, dodging Kelly’s gaze. Her wrinkle was showing.

How could she tell Kelly about Lena? Where to begin? If she were to-  
“Kara?” Kelly put a stop to her thoughts.  
“Just begin, I’ll ask questions if your story is not clear. That’s what I do for a living.” The corner of her mouth curled up reassuring.

Kara didn’t realize how tense she was until she felt it draining when she made eye contact with the Olsen woman.  
Her calmness was infectious.  
Kara let out a breath and started talking.

Not once she mentioned the friend, she was worried about was Lena. Luckily, Kelly didn’t ask.  
She told her about the sudden changes of character.  
Though she was as honest as possible she caught herself on some little twists in her story.  
It didn’t seem important enough to tell Kelly how loving and soft Lena’s eyes were.  
How time stood still and they hugged.  
Kara’s throat suddenly got dry; her mouth moved but no words came out. 

“So, your friend was friendly and kind and out of nowhere her eyes shifted and she got mad?”  
Kara swallowed and nodded at Kelly’s recap.

She continued the story of how her friend had screamed, had begged, had cared, had suffered…  
How unpredictable she was.  
How hurt…  
Kara felt like something got a hold of her heart and squeezed it painfully.  
Tears welled up in her eyes.

“This friend, seems important to you.” Kelly noticed.  
“Yes, she is.” The words came quicker than Kara intended.

She needed a moment to put herself together again and shake the image of the screaming Lena from her retina.  
Her glassed had to be lifted to rub the tears out of her eyes.  
With lips pressured into a thin line she gave Kelly a nod as a signal she was ready to continue.

Kara started talking again, about the message she got from Lena.  
Her fear of triggering a rollercoaster of personalities again.

It got Kelly thinking.  
“Kara… There are still many things unclear about this whole situation. But your friend seems to been torn between more than one personality. It gives me the idea she has lived some difficult lives.”  
It was a conclusion Kara had feared, but also knew deep in her heart.  
“She is also very stubborn.” She added with a smile.  
The memory of a pointless argument about kale on burgers made Kara blush.  
With a soft smile on her face she remembered how Lena had plead in favour of kale on a burger, while she was clearly in the wrong about this one. 

Kelly got her back on the subject they were discussing.  
“Can you go back to the moment her eyes changed?”  
The blonde looked up at the Olsen before she closed her eyes to picture the moment as real as possible in her mind.  
It made her terrified to think of that moment again.  
“Now go a few moments back. What happened before?”

Kara’s face saddens as she remembered.  
“She asked where I was the night before…”  
A gasp escaped her at the sudden realisation, “She said I didn’t come home.”  
Her eyes widened as they made contact with Kelly’s.  
“Home!” she repeated as if she found the key.  
“She had searched for me, but I wasn’t there. When I told her I was home, she called me a liar.”  
Kara’s mouth fell open as she connected all the dots. 

Kelly gave words to her thoughts;  
“It’s seems your friend’s perception of ‘home’ for you is different from yours.”


	8. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara will face Lena again.  
> She learns what 'home' means to her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to leave a comment

_‘I’ll make sure to be home at five. See you then! -x- Lee’_

Kara had returned to the DEO to spend some time with her sister and Eliza.  
J’onn had helped the adoptive mother focus her mind.  
Until five she put out some fires and prevented a train derailment, the usual stuff.

The Kryptonian had informed Alex about her talk with Kelly.  
“That’s my girl.” Her sister proudly smiled.  
Kara could tell there was a lot going on inside her mind right now as she knit her brows.

“Alex, she still cares about you, I could see that.” She assured the older Danvers.  
“I know.” She nodded. “I just wish she cares more about me than she does about her fiancé.”  
Alex put her hand over her mouth, her expression was shocked at how the words came out.  
“I didn’t… I mean… I-” she stammered.  
Kara put her arm around her sister with a smile. “It’s okay to feel that way. You love her.”  
The DEO director sighed “I do.”

It was nearly five and nerves creeped up on Kara once again.  
Alex was there to calm her down.  
She places her hands on her little sister’s biceps.  
“Remember what Kelly said; Lena might have a different perception of the truth. If you deny that…”  
“…I will only confuse her and with that might trigger her. It’s more harmful to deny her truth than go with it, no matter how crazy it is. It might keep her calm and able to talk, clear her mind or even heal eventually... I know!" Kara nods at her sister.  
“Whatever she says is the truth, I go with.”  
Alex pulls Kara in for a firm hug.  
“Don’t worry, you can do this. If all hell breaks loose, you can always come crying at my shoulder.”  
Kara’s crinckle appeared, “Geez, thanks sis.” She answered sarcastically. 

As they parted, Kara asks Brainy for Lena’s current location to define the word ‘home’.

\----

Kara flew there as Supergirl to check the surroundings.  
It turned out to be a nice house in the suburb of National City.  
From the sky she could see the size of what has to be Lena’s home.  
It’s a bit larger than Eliza’s place at Midvale.  
The neighbourhood seems peaceful.  
A practical garden in front, with a driveway towards a garage on the side of the house and one classy dark grey car parked in front.  
It even has a cute porch at the entry facing the street.  
At the back of the house a beautiful garden filled with colourful flowers, a grass area and a swimming pool.  
Kara feels her body fill with warmth at the sight of the little paradise.  
She smiles as a hope pokes her thoughts; This must be Lena’s happy place.  
How could it not be? Kara gets filled with joy and comfort by just looking at it.

Kara has to fly some blocks back to change and walk a bit to get to the house.  
Her landing as Supergirl would draw way too much attention in this neighbourhood. 

As she enters the drive way she uses her x-ray to determine Lena’s presence.  
She seems to be sitting in a room with a book.  
Lena looks at peace like this, it makes Kara smile.  
It gives her enough courage to face whatever reality Lena lives in.  
She knows it includes a nice home and a book.

Lena is expecting her, so she decides to knock on the door as a warning and walk in without waiting for an answer.

“Lena, I’m here.” She announces herself as she was walking through the hallway.  
Something about this place made Kara feel at home.  
The hallway had a warm and welcoming energy, different than she had expected from what she knew of Lena’s apartment which was modern with a lot of white and black.  
Classy and practical was how she would describe Lena’s place as she knew it.  
Unlike this hallway with some woodworks, a staircase that lead to the next level, a small painting and some pictures of her and Lena.  
It was a bit strange to see a picture of the two of them she could not remember taking.  
Clearly those pictures meant a lot to this version of Lena.  
How could it not? They both look happy.

Her eyes get caught by a picture of the two of them with a tree.  
Kara is hanging on a branch like a sloth. Her legs locked around the branch, one hand holding her grip the other reaching down and touching Lena’s fingertips.  
Lena leans against the trunk of the tree, one hand reaching out to touch Kara’s.  
It’s clear the two ladies had a lot of fun taking this picture, they seem to be laughing out loud.  
The picture makes Kara chuckle, it spreads so much joy.

A door on her left gets pulled open.  
Lena is standing in the doorway with the biggest smile she had ever seen on her.  
Her eyes sparkled again, which made Kara’s face heat up and return the smile without hesitation.  
The brunette was still holding the book she was reading.  
Her clothes were casual; a pair of jeans, a loose-fitting red shirt and a pair of colourful socks.  
She had her hair in a messy bun with some plucks of hair sticking out.

Kara had never seen Lena so relaxed, but she had to admit it was a good look on her.  
“H… Hey…” she stuttered bashful.  
Lena lowered her excitement, took a step back and held the book in front of her chest.  
She seemed to remember their last encounter as her face showed shame.  
“Eh… hey... I didn’t think you would… you’d come.” The green-eyed beauty stammered.

The change of energy frightened Kara, she didn’t want this casual, relax and happy Lena to go away.  
Kara followed her gut as she stepped forward and pulled Lena in a warm embrace.  
“I’m here now.”  
Lena instantly dropped the book. She felt how Lena’s body leaned into her and heard her sniff.  
Kara had to protect this woman at all costs.  
“It’s okay, we will be okay. I will keep you safe.” She assured the brunette in her arms.  
Her shirt got stuck in the grip of Lena’s clenching fists.  
Even if she wanted to, Lena did not intent to let her go.

After some more hushing and cradling back and forth of the two women, the shorter one pulled away slowly.  
“Let’s sit in the study room…” she looked down, picked the book back up and fiddled with the cover.  
“I…” she shrugs, tilted her head sideways and looked at Kara from the corner of her eyes “I kind of wrecked the living room.”

The look on her face made Kara laugh. Even though she was remorseful, she pulled a silly face that looked cute on her.

Kara decided it was the best thing to just follow Lena’s lead.  
If she wanted to talk, they would talk.  
If she just wanted to sit in silence, they would.  
Anything to make her feel comfortable.  
Anything to get her friend back.

Lena got them both something to drink, while Kara settled in.  
It gave her some time to observe the room and learn more about this Lena.  
The place has two big comfortable chairs and a couch, she decided to nestle in.  
Large windows present a view at a part of the backyard and some chickens…  
It surprises her Lena owns chickens, but in a nice way.  
This place feels good.

Her eyes fall on a picture with a candle next to it.  
Someone she must held dear must have passed away, since the candle is lit.

Kara planned on respecting Lena’s privacy and not go for the picture right away, but she wasn’t able to restrain herself.  
She walked over to take a closer look.  
Her eyes widened at the sight of the image.

“Alex…” she picked the picture up.  
What had happened on this Lena’s Earth, which made her put up a memorial for a dead Alex?

It seemed like an old picture of her.  
Her hair was in a bob, a little shorter than shoulder length.

“I knew you were coming, so I lit the candle if you don’t mind.”  
Kara felt busted as she turned around, her mouth gaping like a fish, but unable to speak words.  
She had no idea what to say at this situation.  
Alex was still very much alive, but the thought of a diseased Alex twisted her gut.

Lena put the drinks down at a small stand between the two chairs and walked over to Kara.  
The blonde was still clinging to the picture, looking at Lena with a saddened look, as if she is longing for her comfort.  
For Lena to keep her safe from this alternate Earths truth.

And Lena does.  
She places her left hand over Kara’s hands which are pressing the frame against her chest.  
Her right hand sliding from Kara’s shoulder to her neck.  
Fingers curling in her hair.

Lena’s eyes are so affectionate, her face shows so much compassion.  
“I know you miss her.” She sighed.  
Those eyes look in Kara’s so intense, the reporter feels unable to move.  
Like trapped in a hypnoses Lena takes control over Kara.  
She doesn’t fight the feeling, she doesn’t feel a reason to.  
Lena will take care of her and she will keep her safe, she knows it and she trusts her.

Kara experiences the moment like a slow motion.  
It all feels so intense.  
Her heartbeat falls into a faster rhythm.

Lena leans in closer.  
Her scent makes Kara’s tummy tickle.  
She tightens her grip on the picture frame, hearing it crack as she braces herself.  
Their faces are so close, she can feel Lena’s warm breath touch her skin.  
It feels inevitable…

Lena’s lips touch hers.  
Soft, warm and sweet.  
Kara’s wide-open eyes close as she gives in to the happening.  
She presses forward to intensify the contact of their lips, opening her mouth to take in more of Lena’s comfort.  
To taste this moment.  
To get lost and only be found by her friend.

It took an impressive amount of time before Kara realised; she is kissing her Lena Luthor.

She pulls away slowly as she remembers Kelly’s advice; don’t deny her perception of the truth!  
Kara presses her lips together with a shy smile, still able to taste the woman in front of her.  
Her face feels so hot.  
Her whole body feels flustered as she balances between her toes and her heels.

Lena cups Kara’s face between her hands, gentle and comforting.  
“You good?” she asked concerned.  
“I… uh.. mm… pfff… yeah, of course. Why wouldn’t I be.” She stammered followed by a nervous giggle.  
Lena smiled. “I love it how you can still get so giggly after a kiss.”  
She put a small kiss on Kara’s lips before she let go of her and walked to the couch.

“I made you hot chocolate, thought you might like that.”  
She tapped her hand at the spot beside her on the couch and focused on her own drink.

Kara needed a moment to process.  
She turned her back to Lena to put the broken picture frame back in place.  
With her hand still touching the frame she looked outside.  
Her other hand put over her mouth in disbelieve.

Everything felt so good, so nice.  
The hallway was like she decorated it herself.  
Besides the enormous amounts of books, this study room could also be touched by her hand.

She licked the last taste of her friend of her lips.  
Her eyes shot from right to left and back.  
It was like a puzzle with all the pieces falling in place.

“Oh Rao, this is our home!”


	9. Lead and I will follow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara tries to adjust to Lena’s perception of the truth.  
> Anything to get her friend back.
> 
> She decides it’s for the best to let Lena take the lead and follow in her world.  
> How hard can it be?

Kara fiddled with her glasses as she was standing in the backyard.  
Lena didn’t mind her going outside for some fresh air.  
To not trigger her friend, Kara had placed a kiss on the top of her head before leaving the room.

She paced through the garden, out of Lena’s sight, with her hands tangled in her hair.

Lena believed they lived together, in this home.  
Her soul seems to be most at ease with her life with Kara.  
But…  
Kara could curse right now.  
She had seen some messed up stuff the last couple of days, but this one is a winner for sure.

Lying to Lena felt wrong, not after everything.  
She promised herself she would be honest with Lena.  
But if she does, it would surely break her.  
Nobody deserves happiness as much as Lena does.

Can you imagine?  
‘Hey, Lena. So nice of you to enjoy living with me but guess what?!  
I’m a different Kara, I’ve never lived with you, this is all not real to me and I can’t remember anything because this is not my life.  
Your Kara doesn’t exist anymore.  
I’m leaving for my apartment now and be Supergirl again, bye now.  
Good luck coping!’  
No chance.

This might be a Lena who had lived a different life than her Lena…  
But this is her Lena if her circumstances were different.  
This woman is the same as her Lena, she can feel it.  
The kindness and the good heart.  
Lena had always protected her before she knew Kara was Supergirl.  
This is the same Lena.  
The Lena who takes care of her and who allows her to take care of Lena in return.

Kara stopped her pace when she heard the backdoor open.  
Over her shoulder she watched Lena approaching her.  
“Lena, I’m sorry… I…” she dropped her head, unsure of what she was trying to say.  
She was trembling of all the emotions attacking her right now.  
Arms get wrapped around her waist and lips place a tender kiss in her neck.  
“I know darling. It’s all messed up. But it will be alright, I promise. I will take care of you.”

The grip around her waist tightened and the woman behind her let out a sigh, resting her chin on Kara’s shoulder. “Together, we can handle anything. We always have.”  
The trembling stops.  
There is something reassuring about her touch, her voice, her warmth.  
Kara flips her head backwards, making her body leaning into the caring woman, her head resting on Lena’s shoulder. 

‘Lena’s perception of the truth might be different from yours, don’t deny her truth, go with it. Let Lena take the lead.’  
She heard the words echo in her mind.  
For now, it was her mantra. 

“Stronger together, right?!” she answered the brunette.  
She could feel Lena’s cheek brush against her jaw, it must be a smile she is feeling.  
“Stronger together!” Lena assured her.

Although it was a part of the problem, the way she was held made her able to catch her breath.  
She had been running around since this Earth was created.  
This was a safe haven to put her mind at ease.  
It wasn’t such a bad perception of truth Lena’s soul had in mind.  
Let’s just go with this for a while, until she figures things out.  
And to be honest; it feels good to just go with it and not fight it.

Lena untangled her grip and took a step back from the blonde.  
Kara had missed the moment she had put her own arms around Lena’s.  
It must have been instinct, since she decided to just go with it, Kara convinced herself.

It was hard to communicate with Lena without triggering her, since she knew so little of her Earth.  
She had to take a risk to learn more.

Kara faced the Luthor and took her hands in her own.  
Her eyebrows frowned as she tried to find the right words.  
“Kar… What is it?” she asked. “Your crinckle is showing.”  
Lena stroke her thumb downwards over the skin between Kara’s eyebrows.  
It was strangely calming.  
“I…” Kara bit her lip to prevent something dumb from escaping her lips.  
“Together, right?!” Lena smiled at her.

This Lena was caring, loving and helpful.  
Those characteristics could be used in her advantage.

“I am confused, Lee. I don’t know what’s real and what is not anymore.”  
She decided to stick close to the truth.  
“Like… I can’t remember Alex dying.”  
Lena squeezed her hands in encouragement to go on.  
“Can you help me? Tell me about it?”  
She had a lot more questions, but it seemed better to leave it at this for now.

“I know what you mean. My mind is a mess at well.”  
Lena frowned.  
“Come on…”  
Lena took her hand and guided her inside.  
“I made dinner. Let’s see what we can do to ease the mess in your mind.”

Kara followed her. It was easy to let her take the lead. 

She took Kara through the living room and she was right; it was wrecked.  
Kara froze at the sight of the destruction.  
A great rage must have been needed to create this kind of demolition.  
She could only imagine what Lena must have went through when this happened.  
She had seen her in her lab…  
Kara felt a sharp pain in her chest for the despair the woman in front of her must have faced.

Lena had stopped as well.  
Her shoulders lowered as her whole-body language betrayed defeat.  
“Lena.” Kara sighed in compassion.  
“I… I… will clean this up after diner, okay?” a trembling voice assured her.  
She scraped her throat to gain control over her sound again.  
“This is the mess inside my head.” She joked with an awful lot of truth hidden in it.  
Kara stepped forward and wrapped her arms around Lena’s waist, nestling her face in her friends’ dark, soft hair. She smelled like vanilla.  
“I’m sorry, I wasn’t here for you when you needed me.”  
She could feel Lena’s tension drifting away.  
“You are here now.” She answered softly.

Kara looked around and gasped at the canvas above the fire place.  
“O my Rao…” She let out in a whisper.  
Lena heard her and followed her gaze to see what it was that made Kara react.  
The blonde knew it was not wise to say what was screaming in her mind.  
Again she stayed close with the truth.

“Good thing you didn’t tore our wedding picture.” Was all she could come up with.  
Lena smiled “I could never!” she scoffed jokingly.

She continued her walk to the kitchen.  
Kara took another look at the photograph.

Both women wore white dresses and they fit together beautifully, like they picked them out together.  
Kara’s looked simpler; it fitted her body perfect.  
And Lena was just stunning; like she was the princess in a Hallmark movie.  
Their wedding bouquet was matching with white plumerias. Kara’s also had blue wild flowers completed with a dark red ribbon. While Lena’s was blessed with red wildflowers and a cobalt blue ribbon.  
She had to smile at the image, the women seemed so blessed with each other.

“Dinner is ready.” She heard shouting from the other room.  
“I’m coming!” Kara shouted back.  
Oh Rao, this was so domestic.

During dinner Lena told Kara how Alex had died.  
“She died in a plane crash.”  
Kara was overflown with guilt when Lena had met her for a CatCo interview.  
Off course the reporter was professional but they grew closer after Kara visited Lena at the hospital after a failed assassination.  
“You told me you weren’t human; you are from another planet and you could have saved her if you had used your powers.”  
Kara had been afraid history would repeat itself when she started to care for Lena, so she started using her powers.  
Mostly to prevent Lena from dying. 

It was a relief to Kara, Lena knew.  
Lena knew she was an alien and they still got married, because her Kara was honest.  
Kara cringed at that confronting thought.

Kara released a deep breath and clenched her fists at her knees.  
“It’s… it’s a lot.”  
Lena nodded “I understand.”

Nerves creeped up on Kara.  
To shake them off she changed the subject “You are a surprisingly good cook” She smiled at Lena.  
Lena pulled up one eyebrow “Surprisingly?”  
Kara tensed, as she knew very well Lena was a ticking time-bomb.  
The brunette scoffed “I am a woman of many talents, you always told me that. Being a good cook shouldn’t surprise you.” The corner of her mouth curled up into a cocky smile.

Since Lena knew about Kara’s powers, the blonde offered to clean up the living room using her super speed.  
“One of the reasons I love you!” Lena teased Kara with a grin.

Lena was still cleaning the kitchen when she finished, which provided Kara with the opportunity to check her phone.  
Alex had sent her a text, asking how it went and if Lena wanted to build an amplifier for J’onn’s psychic wave.  
She didn’t use many words to answer, because Lena was almost done.

_‘Lena thinks we are married.’_

Her ringtone filled the room with sound.  
In panic Kara pushed the call away and immediately wrote her sister;

_‘Can’t talk… she also thinks you’re dead!’_

Kara switched all the sounds her phone could make off.  
Before she put her device away, Alex last text popped up;  
_‘Meet me tomorrow at my place!!!!!!’_

Kara wondered if she should go to her own place.  
It would be weird for Lena if she left to stay at her own apartment.  
They are married!  
Just go with it, was the best thing she could do right now.  
So, she made the best of it.

If she was honest with herself; this wasn’t so bad at all.  
A nice home, a loving soul next to her…  
In another life this would be her home.  
She could see herself living this life, it’s not unthinkable.

Kara let herself sink in the corner of the couch with her arm draped over the back.  
Lena came out of the kitchen with two beers.  
So, this was the beer drinking Lena.

The tired green-eyed woman nestled against her, resting her head on the blonde’s chest.  
Kara needs to get used to this.  
She replaced her arm to wrap it around the brunette and rests her head on the other woman’s.  
The Kryptonian couldn’t resist to place a soft kiss at the top of Lena’s head. 

This was nice.  
Still she had to ask.  
Not for her but for her… friend… wife… friend-wife.  
She had to ask for her friend-wife, in case she needed to talk about it.  
“Lena, what happened to the living room?”

Lena tightened her grip around Kara’s waist.  
She took a moment to search for words and Kara let her.

“I… well… You saw me at the lab, right?” she stammered.  
“Unforgettable, yes.” Kara acknowledged while she drew patterns at Lena’s upper arm to calm her.  
“Well… I have more of those episodes. Like more of me are trapped inside. But I’m afraid of them, Kara. They hold so much pain and rage…”  
She paused to look up at Kara.  
“I just want to be me… Here with you.”

Rao, the despair in her eyes was so painful to watch.

“I’m here. And I’m not going anywhere.”

It felt like a lie right now.  
But one that could be true.  
Because this is her Lena worth fighting for.  
And Kara didn’t plan on going anywhere.

“You know…” Lena’s voice trembled.  
“It’s harder to contain them when you are not around. You being here makes everything so clear again.”  
She swallowed.  
Kara put her beer at the table and pulled Lena on her lap, now being able to look her in the eyes.  
Lena is not shy from eye-contact, she never was.  
With her arms draped around Kara’s neck she seemed to be more confident.  
“I’m working on something to fix this in my lab, I think I’m onto something.”  
Kara felt proud, Lena was a warrior at her own terms. She smiled at her.  
“I must admit it is rather scary.” Lena confessed.

Kara stroke a pluck of hair behind Lena’s ear.  
“Keep me updated, okay. Don’t do this alone, I’m with you.”  
She knows Lena has a tendency to do things on her own.  
Even though it usually turns out to be brilliant, it always seems to cost her something.  
It had always been a feature of Lena she both admired and cursed. 

Lena blessed Kara with a shy smile and twinkling eyes.  
“Okay.” She simple answered.

Kara’s eyes flashed from those piercing green eyes to those full, soft and warm lips of the woman on sitting her lap.  
She could feel her own body heating up.  
Her heartbeat fastened and got stronger.  
Lena’s rhythm was also increasing; she could hear it.  
It made her smile widely.

The exited blonde had her arms wrapped around her friend-wife and she pulled her in closer.  
She leaned up towards Lena’s face, who closed the gap between them to make sure their lips locked as the beginning of a passionate kiss.

All the problems of the world had just stopped.  
No pressure on Kara’s shoulders.  
Right now, she needed to be here for her friend-wife.  
That was all that counted.  
Anything to get her friend back.

‘Let Lena take the lead and I will follow.’  
It’s easier than she thought it would be.


	10. Sister Support

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the bomb Kara dropped on her sister the day before, Alex needed to talk to her about what happened accompanied by some sisterly advice, tough love and teasing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had some fun wrighting this chapter.  
> Hope you'll have fun reading it. 
> 
> Feel free to leave comments, I appreciate that.

“You’re married?!” Alex bursts out as soon as she opened her front door.  
“Well, good morning to you to.” Kara was a little overwhelmed by her sisters greeting.  
“Yes, I am sorry…” The older Danvers gestured her to come in.  
She closed the door behind her and spoke in disbelieve;  
“You’re married?!”

Kara sighed as she took her coat of but ignored her sister for now.

“I’m dead?!” she yelled out.

The blonde turned around and dropped her head with a dramatic gesture.  
“Do you want to talk or just scream facts at me?” she whined.  
“THOSE ARE NOT FACTS!” she shouted.  
Kara laughed triumphantly.  
“O ha, ha, very funny.” Alex placed her hands on her hips, bummed by how easily she fell for her sister’s trap.

Though Kara felt energetic, she radiated an infectious calmness.  
She placed herself at a stool to lean against the counter.  
Alex watched her sister grin sheepishly.  
“Well… you look well rested.” She noticed almost jealous.  
Kara tilted her head.  
“I guess I am.” She didn’t realize how tired she was before last night.  
“Yesterday was nice and I had a good night sleep.” She smiled satisfied.

“Okay, wow…” Alex pinched the bridge of her nose.  
She released a deep breath before walking over to her sister.  
“I’m glad you slept well, you needed it.” She said as she sat down.

Kara kept a soft smile on her face but kept her mouth shut.  
“Well…” Alex said.  
“Well, what?” Kara answered in surprise.  
“Are you going to tell me about yesterday? A lot must have happened.”

The blonde turned her knees to her sister, she felt excitement rush through her body.  
“Well… So, I got to this neighbourhood at the-”  
“YOU’RE MARRIED?!” Alex couldn’t contain herself.  
“I’ll get to that if you will let me finish!” she tapped her sister at the arm gently to not break her bones.

Alex gave Kara the chance to tell about the day before.  
For most parts she could bite her tongue, but it was hard for her.

“Then I got sad because you were dead, even though you weren’t, it still felt sad and she kissed me to cheer me up. After that I went to the garden to-”  
“Wait, wait-wait! You kissed Lena Luthor?!” she interrupted in disbelief.  
“She kissed me. We are married, it’s not weird.” Kara waved her sisters words aside.  
“You are not married!” Alex tried to convince her.  
“Can I continue?!” ignoring her sister’s words completely.

Alex seemed to get into the vibe of Kara’s story slowly, letting go of her scepticism.

Kara told Alex about her death on another Earth, because Kara chose not to save the plane.

“So, that Kara never became Supergirl to save me?”  
“Yes, she did listen to you and didn’t use her powers, just like you wanted to at the time.”  
“But you became Supergirl anyway?”  
“Not Supergirl, just Kara who prevented Lena’s death a couple of times. Did you ever realize how many people want her dead? And most of the times she saves herself. Rao, she is such a badass.”  
“I guess you becoming Supergirl was always inevitable, wasn’t it?”  
Kara smiled at her sister’s conclusion.  
“I guess it was!”

Kara told her sister about Lena’s personalities and how she is coping with the merged souls.  
The demolition of the living room and Lena’s shame and pain.

“Oh, and she drinks beer.” Kara added.  
“I like this Lena!” 

Kara kept silence after that. She didn’t tell her sister about her kissing Lena. It was just the moment. Alex would surely have an opinion, but she wasn’t there. Kara had to keep her friend-wife safe. Yes. She was just taking care of Lena. She needed Kara and Kara was there. To comfort her friend.

The little Danvers visited her mental picture of her time with Lena in her mind. She sucked on her lower lip and felt her face heat up. A deep breath was needed to calm her increasing heart rate down.

Distract your mind Kara.  
Don’t give Alex a reason to big-sister you.

“We have chickens, Alex. Their names are Meg, Jo, Beth and Amy” Kara got exited thinking about her chickens.  
“Named after the Little Women?” Alex chuckled.  
“They are Little Chicken!” Kara explained, making Alex laugh.  
“It will make sense when you see them.” She assured her sister.  
“Besides, Lena doesn’t like the chickens. She also doesn’t like Little Women, so it’s fitting.”

“We had only three eggs this morning. There is something wrong with Beth, she doesn’t always lay eggs. That’s why we called her Beth.” Kara dropped casually.  
“Wow, wait! Go back… You spend the night there?” Alex asked to clarify.  
“Yes, we are married it’s not weird.” The blonde stuffed her mouth with a cookie from the cookie jar on the counter.  
“You are not married!” 

Kara sighed.  
Alex is big-sistering her.  
“Lena is married to Kara from her Earth. And this is my Lena in different circumstances and she loves the me from different circumstances. But we are the same persons.” She explained her vision with an annoyed frown.  
“No, it’s not! This is not your Lena. And you are not married to this woman.” Alex tried to convince her sister.  
She was getting on Kara’s nerves;  
“Does that mean Kelly is not your Kelly, just because she also loves a woman from a different Earth?!” she snapped.  
It silenced both the Danvers at once.

Kara felt like she overstepped, but on the other hand; so did Alex.

The sisters didn’t look at each other for a couple of minutes.  
It seemed hours.

Alex broke the silence with a swallow;  
“You’re right. I’m sorry… It’s just so confusing.” She mumbled.  
It gave the blonde an opening to look at her sister again.  
“I know.” She nodded.

“Funny thing is, I’m the odd one out. Because there is only one of me.”  
Alex looked at her sister with a question mark written all over her face, so Kara continued to explain; “Because I am a paragon, there is only one of me. That means all the other Kara’s just vanished, just like all the other Barry’s, Kates and Sara’s. You could choose your favourite Alex, Kelly can choose…”  
Kara dropped her gaze at the floor as she shifted her stance.  
“I can’t imagine the confusion you all must feel. But I am just me. It doesn’t mean I can’t choose Lena… Besides wanting just my Earth-38 Lena would be so selfish if her soul is more at peace as Lena from Earth, I don’t know…” she gestured her hand around wildly, making it drop at her lap.

Alex moved over to place herself next to her sister and wrapped an arm around her.  
She sighed “So, you like this Lena, right?”  
“It is my Lena. Just… less damaged.”  
A sadness came over Kara for her Lena had suffered so much and a part of it was by her hand. Unintendedly, but the result is the same. Lena got hurt.  
“Maybe I can get a second chance as well.” She spoke hopeful.  
The big sister smiled. “Let’s hope so.”

“And she kissed you…” Alex teased, wanting to know more. “Please, tell me more.”  
Kara couldn’t help but giggle.  
“Well…” she could feel her face heat up.  
“Is Kara Danvers blushing?” Alex teased her smiling wide.  
“I kissed her back.” Kara pressed her lips into a thin line scrunching up her nose.  
“No, you didn’t!” The older Danvers dropped her jaw.  
“I might have started a few kisses myself.” The bashful woman fiddled with her fingers not looking at her sister. She couldn’t keep the information to herself anymore. The image was playing in her mind on repeat.  
“Kara…” Alex was impressed with her little sister, but also worried about the whole situation.  
“It was the moment, it just happened. I had to follow her perception of the truth.” She defended herself.  
“Riiiiight…” the brunette answered sceptical as she pulled up her eyebrows.  
“Besides… We are married!” she chuckled with the most adorable innocent look on her face.  
Alex laughed, ‘Not married!” she teased.  
“Alex…” Kara sighed.  
“Fine, fine… You’re married.” She gave in.  
“Tell me you didn’t sleep together.” The older Danvers teased.

Kara kept still, longer than Alex found comfortable after this question.  
Her look got serious,  
“Kara? Tell me you didn’t sleep with Lena Luthor.”  
“Well… technically her name isn’t Luthor anymore… She took Danvers to honour you.”  
“What?” Alex tried to keep her cool, but did her sister just…  
“That’s sweet isn’t it?” Kara tried to change subject.

“You had sex with Lena?!” she blurted out.  
Kara shot up in surprise, “What? No! What makes you think that?” she denied.  
“You didn’t answer if you slept together!” Alex seemed to lose it.  
The younger Danvers had to admit she found it rather amusing.  
As she started laughing Alex nearly got mad  
“What is so funny? My little sister had sex with Lena Luthor… Danvers… Lena Danvers, whatever.”  
Kara tried to open her mouth but got cut off by Alex pointing a finger at her;  
“Don’t you dare to say you are married and it’s not weird!”

The blonde covered her mouth with her hands in a failed attempt to keep her laugh inside.  
She could hear the increased heartbeat of her sister and almost felt sorry for her.  
Kara didn’t feel sorry enough to keep herself from laughing out loud, like only the blonde Kryptonian could. If she was human her belly must have ached from joy. 

“I did not have sex with Lena!” She released Alex from her misery, still laughing.  
Alex let out a sigh of relief.  
She restored her posture by placing her hands on her hips again.  
“Okay good.” She gave her little sister a nod.

“Aw I’m sorry.” Kara said, still not fully recovered from her laugh.  
“We did sleep in the same bed… We spooned, if you want details. I slept like a baby and so did my friend-wife.” She explained with a smile.  
“It was very comforting and nice, thank you for asking.” She added, knowing she gave her sister more details than she wanted to know.

Alex raised her eyebrows; “Your friend-wife?”  
Kara shrug and took another cookie.  
“It’s complicated. I can’t call her my friend anymore, but calling her my wife is also strange.”

Alex got them both something to drink and they kept quiet for a while.  
The sisters could enjoy each other’s company in silence.

Kara grinned.  
“She is a good kisser.” She teased.  
Alex reached for the nearest cushion  
“O, shut up!” and threw it at her sister’s head.

The sisters released their steam with a pillow fight.  
Alex was able to use all her force on her little sister, one of the perks of having a Kryptonian sis.  
“Kiss that!” the older Danvers said as she covered the younger one’s face with a pillow.  
“Even Kryptonians need to breath.” She joked, knowing very well Kara could get out of this easily if she wanted to.  
Alex could feel her fingers freeze up and stiffening around the pillow.  
She screamed and pulled away, a little puff of freeze breath escaped between Kara and the cushion.  
“What is it sis? Cold feet?” she smirked.  
Alex hit her with the frozen pillow.

One cushion might not have survived the Danvers sisters abuse. 

Both women stood nailed to the floor, with their jaw dropped as the fabric shattered.  
“I didn’t know a pillow could do that.” Alex said eying her sister.  
Kara shrug “Me neither.” She chuckled.

With a dramatic sigh Kara draped herself over the back of the couch.  
Alex dropped herself on the floor with her back against a wall still smiling and catching her breath again.  
Her fingers played with the halve frozen stuffing of her once beloved decorative cushion.  
“Too bad.” She sighed.

“You know you killed it yourself.” Kara mumbled.  
“I know.” She nodded. 

The atmosphere got more serious.  
“You know you have to tell her I’m still alive, right?” Alex suggested.  
Kara sighed “I know.”

Alex pushed herself up to straighten her back.  
She crossed her legs and had to search for the right words for a moment.

“She seems to be able to pick just one version of herself to be in control… Denying the other Lena’s… I couldn’t do that and wouldn’t want that, it’s a tricky borderline.”  
The blonde knew where her sister was going as her mood saddened.  
“She’s very stubborn…” Kara defended.  
“It sounds dangerous.” Alex added.

The reporter nodded; it did sound dangerous when you think about it.  
“I’m so afraid she will freak out like she did in her lab.” She felt a chill creep up on her.  
Kara didn’t want to remember that interaction.  
Yesterday was so nice, to face Lena’s dangerous side was hard on her.  
She buried her face in her arms.  
“I don’t think you can avoid that. She can’t keep this up.”  
It wasn’t fun to hear, but Kara knew her sister was right.

Alex got up off the ground and made her way over to her moping sister.  
She sat herself down on the couch near her sister’s head and let her fingers play with Kara’s hair. 

“I… I am seeing Kelly this afternoon. Do you want me to ask her advice?” Alex blushed.  
Kara dug her face out of her arms and turned towards her sister.  
“You are going to see Kelly?” Her voice was fragile and her eyes were watery.

“Well… Kelly thought it was a good idea to date us both and get to know us again.”  
Kara smiled. She let herself slide next to her sister on the couch.  
Their shoulders bumped into each other.

“It will be great” The blonde rested her head on her sister’s shoulder.  
“She will remember why you are the love of her life.” She assured Alex.  
Alex provided her sister with a sad smile and swung her arm around her.  
“I really want to believe that.” She kissed Kara’s head.

“We have to believe that!” Kara corrected her.


	11. The New CEO

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara doesn't what to neglect her day job at CatCo.  
> So it's time to head back to work again.  
> Things at CatCo are not the same as she remembered, some things did change.
> 
> CatCo has a new CEO and Kara is about to find out who it is.

The air in National City smelled fresh.  
The rain had stopped and clouds made room for sunshine.  
It always brightened Kara’s mood, no matter how much worries she had.  
She was walking to CatCo, to not neglect her day job.

It always felt good to talk to her sister.  
Alex was always honest.  
Kara could trust her sister to slap her in the face if necessary and be the shoulder to cry on right after.  
It was a trait she loved about her sister.  
They could always speak their minds with each other.  
Even if Alex would big-sister her.

It was a shame they had to part.  
She would have liked it to just let the day pass by and in the evening go home to her friend-wife.  
Facing this Earth was hard on her.  
It was confronting to see so many people struggle with themselves.  
And even though Lena was fine yesterday, she might be the one who is struggling the most.

After her work at CatCo she would call her sister again.  
Maybe Alex had some ideas of how to tell Lena about the non-death of her sister.  
It must come to a confrontation with reality for her and Lena.  
While their dream world was so nice and cosy. 

Lena had left early in the morning for L-Corp to dive back into her lab.  
She had asked Kara to not disturb her; she would let her know when she didn’t feel good.  
“You are not alone.” Kara had assured her.  
“Stronger together.” Had been Lena’s answer before she kissed Kara goodbye and took her car to L-Corp.  
They would see each other at dinner this evening.

It was a busy day at CatCo.  
Staff meeting would start in halve an hour.  
People stepped aside as soon as Kara entered the floor.  
“Good morning miss Danvers.”  
“Good morning Mary.” Kara answered her co-worker.  
“Good morning miss Danvers.”  
“Good morning Joseph.”  
“Good morning miss Danvers.”  
What is happening?  
“Good morning Ruth.”

Kara said a couple more good-mornings as she fastened her step over to her desk.  
At her desk she found Nia.  
“Nia? Hey… good to see you.”  
Nia jumped up as if she was just busted with something.  
“K… Kara… Hey. Good to see you.” She stammered.  
“What is up with people around here?” Kara wondered out loud, looking around in confusion.  
Some co-workers were still keeping an eye on her.  
“Why are they looking at me like that?” She whispered searching her clothes for embarrassing stains or any other malfunction. 

“O gosh, you don’t know.” Nia covered her mouth with both her hands.  
“Know what?” Kara was starting to get worried.  
The young reporter started to walk away from her desk “Come, follow me.”  
A confused Kara did as she was told, into the former office of Cat Grant and James Olsen.  
Nia closed the door behind them.  
“You might want to sit down.” Nia advised Kara.  
She did as she was told.  
Nia sat down across her.

“Euhm…”  
“What?” by now Kara was starting to get worried, what is going on and why are people treating her differently.  
“Okay, here it goes.” A nervous Nia started.  
“You are the CEO of CatCo magazine.”  
“I’m sorry I’m what?” Kara frowned her brows in disbelief.  
“After James left, Lena made you CEO of CatCo so she could focus on L-Corp and she trusted CatCo to be in good hands with you.” Nia explained.  
Kara’s jaw dropped.

As if she didn’t have enough on her mind already, she is now the CEO of her beloved media magazine.

“But… I haven’t been around the last couple of days… How… Who…?” Kara couldn’t find the right words; did she accidently bring CatCo down?  
Nia smiled shyly “You made me your number two, I take over as soon as you are not here. We both know you have other priorities sometimes.” She seemed proud.

Kara was impressed by her friend's confidence.  
She needed a moment to progress this information.  
Her new role at CatCo needed something different from her, but she had no idea what yet.  
She got up, started pacing and pinched the bridge of her nose.  
Somehow it gave her the idea it helped her think.

Nia seemed to be pretty comfortable as her number two.

“Nia… I’m going to need your help.” Her blue eyes searched for the dark ones of her friend.  
The dark-haired woman nodded proud “I’ll get you through it, don’t worry.”  
She went over the day with the new CEO and provided her with tips and tricks.  
The best advice she gave Kara was ‘Act like you know stuff and when in doubt, follow my lead.”  
“I think I can do that.” Kara’s voice trembled of nerves.

Nia got hold of Kara’s biceps “Look, Lena… aw, good biceps.” She got distracted as she tried to put pressure on those arms of steel.  
Kara flexed a little because she was secretly flattered.  
“Nia, I’m Supergirl. Now focus! … What about Lena?” she acted annoyed.  
Nia’s eyes shot up. “O right, sorry.” She stroked the wrinkles out of the fabric of Kara’s blouse.  
Their eyes met “Lena believes in you. I know the Lena who made you CEO was married to you, but she is also an incredible business woman. She wouldn’t have made you CEO if she didn’t think you could do it.”  
Kara shrug in approval “That sounds like my Lena.”  
She relaxed at the sound of Nia’s laughter.  
Nia walked towards the door, before she opened it, she spoke to Kara “You appeared to be a natural, don’t worry about it. You will do fine.”  
Before she closed the door, she yelled “Staff-meeting in ten miss Danvers.” Looking over her shoulder with an ensuring smile.

Nia made her feel a lot better.  
This was her first day as CEO of CatCo, only two people knew it was her first day.

Her day went well.  
Better than expected, she really was a natural.  
At the end of the day she even started to like her new position.

Most of the employees were packing to head home.  
Kara called Nia into her office.  
She leaned against her desk with her arms crossed.  
The new CEO tried to keep a professional serious expression.  
As soon as Nia entered her office, she lost her cool, waved her arms around and started squeaking.  
“What do you think, CEO enough?” Her jaws clenched in an insecure grin.

Nia laughed; “You were great, I told you.” She walked towards Kara.  
The blonde dropped her insecurities and pulled Nia into an embrace.  
“I couldn’t have done it without you.”  
They pulled apart and Nia shrug.  
“Probably not.” She joked. 

The two women had a drink together to wrap up the work day.  
“Nia… We haven’t really talked since the crisis... How are you doing now?” Kara asked truly interested.  
The brunette took a deep breath. Her eyes went around the room as if she was searching for an answer in this office.  
She smiled and released the air stuck in her lungs.  
“I’m doing pretty good actually.” A light blush showed on her cheeks.  
Kara’s eyes grew bigger at enthusiasm. “Well, do tell.” 

“Okay.” Nia hopped in her seat with a big grin on her face.  
“Well, my career here at CatCo is flourishing thanks to you.” She thanked Kara.  
“Pretty sure, you’ve earned it.” Kara had no intention taking credit for Nia’s success.  
“Okay fine!” She waved the compliment aside.  
“Anyway…” She continued, “With all the memories of the different Earths I have lived, I realized how incredibly lucky I am to have my experiences of our Earth. There were Earths where I didn’t go into transition. O trust me, I was so unhappy.” She shivered thinking about it.  
Kara couldn’t help but smile at her.

Nia stood up. “I’m sorry, I have to go. I have to prepare for my date with Querl.” She giggled.  
Kara thanked her.  
Both women started packing their belongings.  
The blonde checked her phone while grabbing her coat.

A message from Lena;  
_‘Onto something’  
‘I’m going to let go’  
‘Don’t come’  
‘Don’t want to hurt you’  
‘See you tonight’  
‘I think’_

Kara stared at her phone frozen.  
Every fibre in body screamed to go to her, she had to use all her strength not to fly off.  
On the other hand; Lena’s instructions are clear. Don’t come!  
Lena letting go probably means she will let her other personalities take over control.  
A frightening thought.  
How long has it been since she had sent those texts? 

Kara checked the time. Four hours ago, Lena had sent her messages.  
How did she miss them?  
If Lena had asked for help, she would have been so late.  
The day went by so fast, she had lost all track of time.  
Tomorrow, she would have to keep her phone nearby at all times.  
…  
Or give Lena the emergency watch. 

Nia was already at the door, but noticed Kara’s shocked expression.  
“Kara? What is it?” she pulled Kara out of her thoughts.

Kara looked around as if woken from a daze until she found Nia’s eyes.  
“Euh… I… I’m fine. I have to make a phone call. Go ahead and have fun on your date.”  
She dismissed Nia with a sad smile.

Nia didn’t feel comfortable leaving Kara like this.  
But she knew Kara wouldn’t take no for an answer, especially not when she had a date.  
“Let me know if you need me!” she offered her boss before she went out the door.

Kara had given her a nod.  
She had to call Alex right away.  
Maybe she and Kelly knew what to do.


	12. Train of Thoughts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara is home alone with her train of thoughts.

There was silence.  
Kara was alone with her thoughts.  
The only sound to be heard was the crackling fire in the fire place of the living room in the Danvers household. 

It was weird being here without Lena.  
Just waiting for her to come home.  
Hoping she would come home.  
Kara had a bad feeling about this.

She had nestled herself in the corner of the couch, knees pulled up to her chin.  
Just one day ago she was sitting at that exact same spot with Lena in her arms.  
Rao knows what Lena is going through now.

Alex and Kelly had advised her not to provoke Lena.  
If Lena said ‘Don’t come’ trust her and don’t come.  
Show her you trust her; Lena is an intelligent woman.  
It felt like the hardest assignment she ever got.  
Lena is also a very stubborn woman.  
She kept her phone close by, in case Lena would need her.

The wedding picture above the fire place caught her attention.  
Besides all her worries she could feel a spark inside her lighting up.

How could she have messed up with her Lena so badly.  
Her Lena felt so alone and betrayed because of her.  
Because of everything that had happened before.

All the people who left her.  
All the people who used her.  
All the people who lied to her.

Lena had given up on mankind.   
Lena had given up on friendship.  
She would have done it all on her own.  
Lena is strong.

But Kara had been able to break down her walls.   
To make her vulnerable again.  
Something Lena had promised herself she would never be again.

Because of Kara she was vulnerable again.  
Because she cared for Kara.   
Because she trusted Kara.  
Because she loved Kara.

Oh Rao…   
Could her Lena have loved Kara the same way this Lena loved her Kara?

Kara’s heart skipped a beat at the thought of the possibility of her Lena loving her.   
Her emotions were a mixture of hope and fear.

Probably not.  
They were just friends.  
Good friends.   
She waved the thoughts aside.

Though… It might explain Lena’s extreme reaction.  
She had been hurt before.  
Kara was the last push over the cliff.  
That’s why she had hurt Lena the most.  
It was not because of the special bond they had.  
It was because she was one of so many.  
Yes, that was probably it.

She never had the intention to hurt her friend.  
With Lena she could be Kara, just Kara.  
No pressure of being Supergirl.  
No expectations.  
No need to be strong.  
She was loved for being just Kara.

It was always comfortable to be with Lena as Kara.  
Without interruptions.  
Without Super responsibilities.  
With Lena, she could be the weak one if she needed to.  
She didn’t have to be strong.  
She could be vulnerable and Lena would take care of her without hesitation.

In a way she needed Lena.  
She had always needed her.

The two happy newly weds at the canvas filled her heart with warmth.

This Lena also takes care of Kara.  
Even though she knows about Kara’s powers.  
Maybe she has never given Lena enough credit.  
Lena can see through her powers and still just see Kara.

The person she wants to be when she is with Lena.

Rao, she messed up.

A silent tear escaped her eye.

In this Lena, her Lena was hiding together with the Lena that married Kara and loved her unconditionally.  
How amazing would it be if those two Lena’s found a way to be her Lena?

Kara smiled, warming up inside.

That would be like a dream.  
She would not dare to hope for it.

Or does she?  
She is the paragon of Hope after all.  
Why would it not be an option?

Nia was able to pull some of the confidence a Nia from another Earth had to her persona to complete herself.  
That was genius.

Nobody is as big of a genius as her Lena.  
So, it must be possible.  
But how could she help Lena to get there?

Well for one; she would not leave again.

‘You are not alone.’  
‘We are stronger together.’  
Words of this morning echoed in her mind.

Lena is alone right now.

Kara pulled her eyebrows in a pained expression.  
The sun was already setting outside.  
She took a look at the time, concluding it was almost nine in the evening.  
Still no sign of Lena.

A chill creeped up on her.  
Panic got hold of her chest, it shook her heart out of rhythm.  
Her breath accelerated.

A sudden realization made her jump up in shock.

O Rao, it could have been another Lena texting her not to come!

Kara changed into her Supergirl suit and flew off towards L-Corp.

She messed up again.  
How could she be so dumb?

She raced against the clock.  
She had already lost to much time.  
Lena had been alone for so long now.  



	13. Chemistry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara finds Lena in her lab.  
> She has been experimenting with chemicals.
> 
> Kara has to face her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to comment and leave Kudo's.

Supergirl landed on the L-Corp balcony.   
She rushed into Lena’s office.  
It was empty.  
No heartbeat was heard close by. 

Kara took a deep breath to concentrate better.  
Two heartbeats in the building.  
One weak, one furiously beating.  
The difference in rhythm was insane.

The fast beat drummed four times in the time the other sounded only once.

She didn’t know what was going on.  
One thing was clear; this wasn’t good.

Kara rushed herself to the heartbeats.  
The sound was coming from the lab, off course.

She took a deep breath before opening the door with force.  
The lab looked different than it did the last time.  
It smelled like chemicals, burning in her nostrils.  
The lab reminded her of the chemistry class she took in high school.

An impressive collection of test tubes, Erlenmeyer flasks, dropping funnels and beakers were spread all over the place.  
Some shattered on the floor surrounded by fluids you didn’t want to touch.  
Others still on the counters filled with a variety of colours liquid, some boiling, some vaporising, some still.

Kara didn’t know where to look.  
She was taken back by the sight of this chemistry lab.  
What was the meaning of this?

“Well… If it isn’t the big, strong superhero, here to save the day.” A mocking voice caught Kara’s attention.   
It sounded like Lena, but different.  
The voice gave her chills.

The Super spotted the source of the mockery.  
Hair wild and curly, dressed in black blouse, corset tight around her waist, leather trousers, dark around her icy cold eyes, pale lips to match her pale skin and an arrogant grin on her face.  
Her head tilted side wards.  
Her hands twirling a sharp knife.

This certainly wasn’t her Lena; tough she shared the same body.  
Kara looked her up and down.  
She had to appreciate the dangerous beauty.  
It was strangely arousing.

This woman was trouble.  
This woman was the course of the wild beating heart.

The blonde braced herself, prepared for anything and with no intention to leave.  
This woman housed her friend.   
Her best friend.   
Her friend-wife.  
Her wife.

The other heartbeat was slowing down even further.   
The keeper of the beat was becoming weaker.

Kara turned her eyes away from the dark Lena, looking for the other person.  
Before she realized what happened a rush of air passed her ear, resulting in the knife pinned in the door behind her.  
Her eyes grew larger as she watched the mad woman laugh shortly before becoming completely serious.  
The green eyes pierced into Kara’s soul.   
She felt so intimidated.  
For the sake of the other soul she had to get herself together.

“Where is the other?” she asked Lena, not certain who she was looking for.  
Lena rolled her eyes and shrug.  
“Over there.” Indifferent she pointed to Lena’s test-cell.  
Someone was lying on the table, almost lifeless.   
“Take her. Do with her what you want. I have no use for her anymore.”  
She walked back to a counter and continued working on the fluids in the test tubes.

This woman radiated so much confidence, she dared to turn her back on Supergirl.

Kara used her speed to get to the woman and free her from her lab cuffs.  
She picked her up and rushed to the door.

“Lena!” she called her friend out.  
The mad chemist pulled up her eyebrow at her, looking annoyed.

“What did you do to Eve?” She asked worried, her voice shivering.

Lena grinned.  
With a low, calm voice she spoke; “She was right, the formula wasn’t complete and was not ready to be tested on humans… She helped a lot.”  
She clenched her jaw, pulling up her upper lip, showing her teeth.

She was totally insane.  
Kara feared the woman in control of Lena’s body.

“Don’t go anywhere, Lena. I will be back; you are not alone.” She ensured the woman she loved dearly.   
Maybe her own Lena could hear her.  
She had to know Kara would be back.

Lena scoffed “Sure you are, my darling. I will be waiting for you.” She provoked Supergirl with a challenging grin.  
“Bye now!” she waved Kara off.

The Super couldn’t waste another second.  
She flew to the DEO, on the way she contacted Alex, who was already at the facility.

A medical team was ready to take care of Eve as soon as Kara flew in.  
She explained to Alex what she knew, including the results of her x-ray check.

“I have to go back to Lena now, she is losing it.” Her voice betrayed panic.  
Alex seized her hand before she left, pulling her attention.  
“Kara! Breathe…” The Kryptonian listened to her sister and took a deep breath.  
“And be careful!” She squeezed hand before letting go of her nodding sister.

Kara rushed back to L-Corp.  
Back to the lab.

Lena was standing in the middle of the room.  
With her left hand she supported her right elbow.  
Her right hand held a syringe out.  
Her left hip bending outwards.

“Right on time!” She smirked at Kara.

Kara had trouble moving as panic seemed to take over her nerves.  
“A needle can’t puncture my skin.” She spoke in fear of what would happen next.  
Dark Lena was so unpredictable.

“Oh darling… tsk, tsk… I’m not trying to kill you. Your Rao knows I will fail.”  
Without any further warning she stabbed the syringe in her own neck.

“NOOOO!” Kara screamed.  
Her eyes shot lasers, making the syringe explode before any fluid could be pushed into Lena’s veins.

Glass scraped Lena’s face.  
She fell to the ground, her head hitting the ground.  
The needle was still sticking out her neck.

Kara ran over to her.  
Checking her with x-ray, making sure no chemicals had entered her body.   
“Lena… Lena…” she called out her name a couple of times.  
The wild haired woman was unconscious.

Kara cradled her in her arms.  
“It’s okay now. I am here.”  
She placed a kiss on Lena’s lips.  
“I’m not going anywhere.”

The Supers own breathing was irregular, almost hyperventilating.   
She couldn’t help Lena like this.  
Kara needed to get herself under control.

She listened to Lena’s heartbeat.  
It was slowing down, which was a good thing considering the raving rhythm it used to have.

Lena’s face had some superficial cuts caused by the glass of the syringe.  
Sticky fluid had splattered against the skin of her cheek, jaw, neck and shoulder.  
Kara used her own hand to make sure it wouldn’t be in contact with the cuts in her face. 

She pulled the needle out of Lena’s neck; it hadn’t cost any fatal damage.  
It caused her to start bleeding.  
Supergirl used her cape to put pressure on the puncture wound and held Lena as close as physically possible.

She released a deep breath and concentrated on Lena’s heartbeat again.  
It had found her regular rhythm again.   
The same beat she had when she was asleep.

The beat was like music to Kara’s ears.  
She could feel herself become calmer.

Her cheek was pressed against Lena’s cheek.  
Her nose almost disappeared in the wild curls.

“Come on, baby. Come back to me.” She begged, tears welling up in her eyes.

Lena kept unmoved.

Kara kissed Lena’s temple.

She couldn’t bear to lose her Lena.  
Fear was still holding a grip on her.

Even though Lena’s heartbeat was regular, Kara was put off by the insane woman she had faced.  
She still had a bad feeling about this.

Her not reacting in time could mean Eve’s death and who knows if her Lena can ever come back.  
This dark Lena was strong.  
Kara could feel her energy.  
It was scary, heartbroken, raging and unpredictable.  
So much anger and pain held by this woman.  
Trapped in her Lena.  
What happened to her?  
Had she once been like her Lena?

Kara started weeping.  
Cradling the woman, she held so dear, close to her heart. 

Alex shook her sister.  
Kara had no idea how long she had been holding Lena like this.  
How long did it took before Alex was here.

As if she could read her mind, Alex answered her wonder;   
“We came as fast as we could. We had to stabilize Eve first.”  
The older Danvers placed her hand on Kara’s shoulder.   
“You can let her go, so we can examine her.” She assured her sister.

Kara’s throat was dry.  
She tried to speak.   
Her mouth opening and closing again, but no words were formed.  
“It’s okay. You can let go now.” Alex comforted her sister, stroking her back.  
“I’m here now. We will take care of her.” 

The Super slowly loosened her grip.  
DEO medical workers pulled Lena away from Kara.  
Alex followed her team almost immediately.

Kara was left sitting at the floor, feeling cold and alone.  
She could only watch how the medical team went over all of Lena’s vitals.  
Her vision was blurry and she couldn’t register what happened very well.

Time went by so fast.  
Kara was in a daze.

What had she just seen?  
This woman…  
This Lena…  
She stabbed herself in the neck.  
Why?

Kara had predicted this Lena to be unpredictable.  
But this was beyond what she could have imagined.

Lena seemed to be physically fine.  
How is her mind doing?  
There is a war going on inside of her.  
If her good, sweet and brilliant Lena had to fight against that witch…

Kara would give anything to hold Lena’s hand in her battle.  
Anything to make her not face that monster alone.  
Lena had a demon inside of her.

Each second that went by made Kara angrier.  
Lena deserved better.

She needed to release some of her frustration.  
A crack in the floor was the result.  
Her fist still resting in the crater beside her body.

“Kara… KARA!” Alex pushed her finger against her sister’s crinkle.  
The Kryptonian woke from her thoughts.  
“Stop beating yourself up!” Alex’s eyes were demanding.  
Kara unclenched her jaw, releasing some of her tension.  
Searching for reassurance in her sister’s eyes.

Alex confirmed what Kara had suspected;  
“Physically Lena seems to be fine.”  
“You still look worried.” Kara confronted her sister.

Alex kneeled in front of her sister and explained;  
“Eve is in a coma. Lena nearly killed her…” her eyes looked away for a second.  
“We have to take her to the DEO for observation.”

Kara had a questioned look on her face.  
She didn’t want Lena at the DEO, she wanted her to be in a safe place.  
“Can’t I just take her home? You can keep an eye on her.”  
Alex’s face didn’t change; she didn’t react to Kara’s request.  
“When you are with her, I will be close by because she doesn’t know you are still alive yet. And we can-”  
“Kara, we have to lock her up!” Alex interrupted her.

The blonde froze.  
“W… What?” her lower lip was trembling.  
“She is dangerous and unpredictable.” Alex explained.  
“No!” Kara reacted.  
“She has to be kept-” Alex tried to convince her sister but was interrupted.  
“I said NO!” Kara raised her voice.  
“She will not be kept in a cell. She will not be alone.” The blonde insisted.  
“She is not a villain and I will not treat her like one!” Kara defended her friend.  
Alex listened to her sister.  
“She is scared, Alex. Please? Please, let me take her home. My responsibility. She will be guarded by Supergirl herself.” She begged.  
“Please, Alex… Please, let me take her home. Please?” there was nearly a whisper left of her voice.

Alex always had trouble with refusing her little sister anything.  
Now she was sitting in front of her; begging, all teared up, with so much love for that woman on the stretcher behind her. 

This wasn’t the first time Alex had to use her head because Kara could only use her heart.  
The problem was; Alex also had a heart full of compassion for her sister and the Luthor girl.  
She also cared for Lena.

Kara’s heart would break if she took Lena away from her.  
Out of her reach.  
Not able to help her.  
She could not do that to her sister.

Alex took a deep breath and exhaled it slowly.  
“Take her home before I change my mind.” She decided against better judgement.  
“R… Really? Alex, thank you!” Kara’s face softened; a small smile broke through.  
“Keep me updated at least once an hour. You are allowed to sleep, but call me first thing in the morning. I will drop by after work tomorrow.” Alex demanded.  
Kara’s smile had widened. “Yes, mem!” She laughed relieved.  
The Super swung her arms around her sister. “Thank you!” she whispered.  
“Go now!” Alex insisted. 

Kara wasted no more time.

She picked Lena up, bridal style and took her home.


	14. Sleeping Beauty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara took Lena home.  
> Her soul is restless and hurt.  
> She has to face her own demons.  
> And Supergirl feels powerless and desperate.  
> But she is determined to take care of her friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to know what you think.
> 
> Be ready for the heaviest chapter of this story.

Her face held a pained expression.  
The cuts in her flesh were shallow.  
A bandage in her neck was an external reminder of the struggle within.

Her love had replaced her clothing for shorts and a blue tank top.  
She had laid her down in their bed.  
Wild hair was spread across her pillow.

Her heartbeat was mostly calm.  
Irregularity of the rhythm betrayed her restlessness. 

In the shower, the other woman allowed herself to wash the pain of the evening away.  
It had all been too much.  
She needed to cleanse herself.  
The water worked like a placebo in purifying her soul.

Her Super hearing kept watch over the restless heartbeat.

Taking time for herself almost felt like a sin.  
She was needed.  
Needed by a woman lying in their bed.  
A woman with a torn soul.  
The soul fighting her own demons inside. 

It had been an hour since the Martian left.  
Alex had sent him over to psychically analyse Lena.  
He had grunted in pain for the woman.

It was not possible to take struggle away from her without taking away her free will.  
He didn’t feel comfortable doing so.  
Kara had also refused, agreeing with him not to take her free will.

Even though she wanted nothing more than for Lena to be happy and at ease, she had learned about her strength and determination and she respected that.  
She had to put more faith in Lena.  
The Luthor had to make her own decision in who she wanted to be.  
Who her soul needed to be.  
Even if that would mean she could turn into her worst enemy?  
J’onn and Kara couldn’t make that choice for her. 

Her body was at rest, while her mind was at war.  
It had been for a while.  
Only now it exploded to gunfire.  
All the personalities shared the same stubbornness, all wanting to rule alone.  
Some for power, some for wisdom, some for love.  
They all knew best.  
All in fear and all alone.

Lena had to fight this battle on her own.  
She had to find a way to come at peace with herself.  
Only then she would be able to choose a path her whole soul can agree to.

Kara would be by her side.  
Monitoring her heartbeat.  
Hoping for her Lena to come back to her.  
To make peace with that witch inside of her.  
To make peace with all the broken hearts she had endured on her Earths.

The Kryptonian had put on a pair of boxers and a red tank top.  
She laid herself next to the sleeping warrior.  
Resting her upper body on her elbow, she watched her friend for a long time.

She was the strongest and most powerful being on Earth.  
The mighty Kryptonian.  
The all praised Supergirl.  
Powerless against the greatest battle her best-friend had to face.

Kara nestled herself against the broken woman.  
Holding her hand and wrapping her other arm around her.

She was not able to keep her safe from anything, but still she had to try.  
If only for herself. 

“I’m not going anywhere Lee, I’m here!” was one of the things she whispered to her.  
“Don’t give up. I won’t give up on you.” From time to time she placed a kiss on Lena’s shoulder, neck, jaw or any other place her lips came close to. 

Kara didn’t sleep much that night.  
From time to time she dozed off, but awoke because of an irregular heartbeat or mumbling of the other woman.  
She murmured all through the night.

It was hard on Kara.  
She tried to react to it as reassuring as possible.  
Even if it was unclear if her word could be heard…  
If there was a small chance it would help Lena, she had to take it.

“I killed my brother for you, don’t you understand what you’ve done?!” Lena’s voice was trembling.  
It was confronting. This was her Lena and her mistake.  
“I know you did that for me.” Kara swallowed.  
“Thank you for that. I know you loved him, even after everything he has done.” She whispered, meaning what she said.  
“I whish I could take your pain away.” She held Lena’s hand tight.  
Lena seemed to doze off again.

“Kara…? Please, don’t leave.” Kara could feel her panic.  
“I am here.”  
She held Lena close, hoping some of the bond they shared would be a strength for Lena.  
Lena’s panic faded away.  
Kara started to believe her actions had an effect on Lena.  
She got the idea Lena could feel her, maybe even hear her.

“You can torture me. You can lock me up. You can do with me what you want. You killed my loved ones. But you will never control me!” Angry words spit from between her teeth.  
The words had to settle in with Kara before she could react.  
The energy of this growling Lena was the same as the being she faced earlier.  
The one that wounded herself and nearly killed Eve.  
She must have been through a lot to become like this.  
Kara had called her a monster before, but she started to regret her words.  
She felt sad for the Lena who went through this, maybe she once was as kind-hearted as her Lena.

An accelerating heartbeat and tensing body drove Kara to action.  
She stroked her face, trying to calm her down.  
Lena started screaming, piercing Kara’s ears with the roar of war.  
She answered with as much love as she could give her, hoping this Lena would also feel safe.  
Hoping she could reach her.

With her arms wrapped around the screaming woman she shushed her.  
It seemed to work as she stopped her cry and released some tension.  
Kara didn’t think, she acted purely on instinct; she cupped Lena’s face with the palms of her hands and kissed her lips.  
It resulted in a firm bite in her lower lip and tense muscles.

Lena’s jaw completely jammed.  
Kara flinched a split second, she kept their lips locked with love even though teeth were retaining her bottom lip.  
Her eyes squinted, pressing tears out of them.  
Tears for her beloved friend.  
She would surely have lost a part of her lip if she wasn’t from Krypton, so much biting power was used.

This woman was so lost and hurt, wild and untamed, but also strong at will.  
Kara could only hope, she could only pray her Lena was stronger.  
Lena’s heart rhythm became dangerously fast and she was breathing heavily.  
Kara started to fear for Lena’s life.

Since she couldn’t get help, she did the only thing she could think of to answer so much rage.  
She followed her gut.

Kara started kissing Lena’s upper lip.  
Using all the love she could give her.  
Whispering “I love you, Lee.” In different variations as many times as possible as good as her lips could form the words.  
“You are a good, kind-hearted and brilliant soul.”  
Her hands caressing her face, her hair, her arms, her shoulders and her back with all the loving energy Kara held.  
“Please stay, baby.”  
Her whole mind was focussed on the best memories she had with the fighter she was tangled with.

Their first meeting at Luthor Corp.  
Their dinner dates.  
The joy she felt when she saw her again.  
The way Lena could make her feel shy.  
Her laugh.  
Her sparkling eyes.  
The warm embraces.  
The way Lena could fluster her.  
Their first kiss yesterday.  
The way Lena cared.  
The jokes she made.  
The eyebrow.  
The way Lena made her feel safe.  
The cocky smirk.  
Everything.  
She focused it all.

Kara could feel her whole body warm up.  
Starting from her toes.  
Traveling up through her entire body.  
Up to her hands and lips.  
Tingling as she could feel her warmth flow into Lena.  
Through her lips.  
Through her fingertips.  
Through the skin on skin contact where their thighs met.

Lena unclenched her jaw, setting Kara free from her bite.  
The blonde didn’t retreat; she deepened the connection like giving her the kiss of life.  
Lena’s body heated up.  
Releasing all its rage.  
Letting go her tension.  
She went numb.

Her heartrate was slowing down to a healthy beat.  
She inhaled sharp making her breathing stop for a couple of seconds before releasing a deep breath.

Kara could feel Lena becoming soft in her arms.  
She broke the lock of lips, resting her forehead on Lena’s, exhaling deeply herself.  
Her whole body was trembling, hovering above her friend.

She couldn’t describe what just happened.  
It took so much of her; she was barely able to keep her own body up.  
Her heart was pounding with so much force, it hurt her chest.  
The banging of her own beat was becoming deafening.

Kara got lightheaded.  
She collapsed halve on top of Lena, halve next to her.

Her mind was drifting of.  
Before passing out she heard Lena whisper;

“I love you too, Kara.”


	15. Getting out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex never received a message from her sister to update her about the situation.  
> She goes to check on Lena and Kara.
> 
> The sisters will have some one on one time.  
> Kara will show Alex around the house.
> 
> It’s time to get real.  
> No room for denial anymore.

The sun was shining.  
The morning almost came to an end.  
A car stopped at the driveway.

The woman stepping out seemed to be in a hurry.  
She didn’t take much time to appreciate the building in front of her, even though it was her first encounter with the place.  
Had the circumstances been different, she would have surely enjoyed her view.  
But now her focus was elsewhere.

She rushed up the porch.  
The front door was locked.

With a quick inspection of the home it seemed none of the doors or windows at the ground floor provided her with a clear entrance.  
Good thing the woman had many questionable skills.  
Among them was lockpicking. 

She searched every room calling out the name of her loved one, starting downstairs.  
Not able to find who she was looking for, she rushed upstairs.

Behind the second door she opened she found them.  
Unmoved.  
The strong blonde draped over the pale brunette beneath her. 

Panic stroke her heart as she feared the worst.  
Her hand was planning on searching for the blonde’s heartbeat.  
It was not necessary, as the warmth her body radiated gave her status away.  
She moved to the brunette, feeling the blood rush through her veins.

Putting her hands on her hips, she released a deep breath of relief.   
Running her fingers through her hair she stepped towards the curtain, making sure the sunlight could touch the body’s. 

She sat down next to the pair and pulled the top woman of the bottom unto her lap.  
Rocking her and saying her name softly wasn’t enough to wake up the woman in the red tank top.  
So, she started to shake her violently and call out her name.

“KARA!” she screamed out.  
Finally, a response.

Alex watched as her sister slowly opened her eyes in confusion.  
“Wh… What… Alex?” She had no idea how long she had been out.

Kara launched herself up.  
Disoriented she searched for Lena, who was still lying down beside her.

“Oh Rao… Oh Rao, how long have I been out?” she asked her sister with her fingers tangled in her own hair.  
She gazed at the woman still lying unconscious in their bed.

“It’s almost noon.” Alex answered.  
“I haven’t heard from you since last night and you didn’t pick up your phone, so I came here to check on you.” She explained.

Kara let it sink in and nodded “Okay, o Rao… Okay… Is she okay?”  
Alex stroke a strain of hair out of Lena’s face as she was still sitting next to her.  
“Well, she looks a lot better than yesterday… She is less pale.”  
Her little sister still seemed worried.

“Do you want me to exanimate her?” Alex asked.  
Kara’s mouth was dry and forming fish-like movements without producing words.  
She gave her sister a nod.  
“I’m going to get my stuff out of the car, you put on some clothes and check her with your x-ray.”  
Alex had a good feeling Lena was fine, but she knew Kara needed some reassurance.

Kara could see nothing out of the ordinary with her x-ray.  
She held Lena’s hand as Alex preformed some tests on her.

“Physically, she is healthy.” The older Danvers concluded.  
“She has a slight blush and her lips are pink again. That’s a good sign.” She smiled pointing at Lena’s lips, eying her sister.  
Kara gazed at those lips, biting on her own lower lip as she remembered the night.

‘I love you too, Kara.’ Echoed in her mind, making her bashful.

Alex caught the look in her sister’s eyes and suppressed a smile.  
“Come on. Let’s get you something to eat. Lena still needs her rest to recover, she will be out for a couple more hours.”   
Kara let her sister take the lead.

The sisters settled themselves down in living room.  
Kara was provided with a big bowl of cornflakes. 

Alex observed the room.  
She took her time to look around while Kara was stuffing her face with the meal.

Kara had nearly emptied her bowl when Alex concluded “This place really does feel like you!”  
“I know, right!” was Kara’s immediate response spitting some food around.  
She put a hand over her mouth a bit shocked about her own sudden reaction.

Alex smiled warmly at her.  
“It’s a lovely home, Kara. I get why you like it here.”  
Kara gave her a tensed nod before she took her empty bowl back to the kitchen.

As she returned, Alex was standing next to the fire place, pointing at the canvas.  
“Nice brides, sis. Next time; invite me.” She joked.  
Kara softened and was finally able to smile, “You were dead!” she teased back.  
Alex laughed. 

Kara showed Alex around in the house.  
The backyard was delightful.  
“I don’t get it: your garden is beautiful, but I know you kill plants and I can’t imagine Lena keeping anything alive.” Alex noticed.  
Kara looked insulted.   
“You don’t give Lena enough credits!” she reprimanded her sister.

She touched one of the flowers in a bush; “She hired a great gardener.”  
Kara shrug and admitted; “You are right though… She can hardly keep fake plants green. And she already killed Mister Laurie.”  
She could spot the curiosity in her sister’s eyes.

“She didn’t notice he had escaped the henhouse when she fed them and locked him out. She found him in the pool the next day.”  
Alex eyes grew wider as Kara continued.  
“She tried to save him though. Jumped in the pool and performed CPR on the rooster.” Kara giggled as her eyes lit up. She would have liked to see that.   
“She felt so guilty for killing my rooster. Poor baby.” She smiled bashful.

Alex thought it was time to get serious, she couldn’t take it anymore.  
“You light up when you talk about your home.” She stated.   
Kara could not deny, she was proud to call this place home.

“You beam when you talk about her.” Alex noted.  
Kara’s eyes grew larger.  
She could feel her face heating up.  
“I… ah… Well… She is my friend and… Well… We… She… Ah.” she stammered, but her sentence ended there.  
No matter how hard she tried, she could not find more words.  
She knew exactly what her sister was implying.  
Her eyes shot from left to right as she bounced on her toes. 

Alex sighed.   
She pulled up her eyebrows which made her almost look annoyed.  
Kara dropped her head with a deep sigh in defeat.  
The older Danvers placed her hand between her sister’s shoulder blades.   
“Come on.” She ushered her inside.

She made sure her little sister was comfortable on the couch, with some water close by just in case.  
Kara looked defeated as Alex sat herself next to her.  
Alex rubbed her back.   
The blonde didn’t talk, she just stared into nothing in particular. 

Alex simply noted “I know little sis, I know.”   
Kara let herself sink into her sister.

She knew Alex was right.   
She did know.   
Alex knows the feeling.  
Alex knows how scary it can be.  
Alex knows how hard it can be.  
Giving words to the feeling makes it real.  
And by making it real, there will be no way back from this.  
It will never be the same again.  
It can change everything.  
So much has changed already.

Kara concentrated on her sister’s heartbeat.  
Calm and in control.  
Strong and full of self-assurance.  
It made her feel protected.  
When she didn’t know anymore, this heartbeat knew and decided for her.  
That was her sister.

Another heartbeat found her hearing.  
A slower but powerful rhythm of the woman on the floor above her.  
It made Kara feel warm inside.  
It made her feel loved.  
That heartbeat…  
Without that beat, this house wouldn’t be a home.  
This loving heartbeat was her home. 

“She loves me too, Alex.” She whispered.

“You speak happy words but you sound sad.” Alex squeezed her sister’s shoulder.  
“It is so scary.” Her voice trembled.  
“It’s freaking scary.” Alex topped her with a knowing smile.  
“It’s the worst!” Kara hid her face behind her own hands.  
Alex laughed softly but loving.

Kara peeked between her fingers to gaze at the wedding photograph.

Her smile…  
Oh Rao, her smile.  
Those eyes.  
Those sparkling eyes.

In that picture, she was all hers.  
Those two women loved each other.

Kara dropped her hands dramatically in her lap.

“I… I want that too.” She whined as she gestured at the canvas.

Alex couldn’t help but chuckle.  
“I have to admit… The two of you look good together.”

Kara giggled but stopped as soon as she heard her own sound.  
Like she didn’t allow herself to be happy like a schoolgirl about the thought of them together.

“I’m not gay, Alex.” She sounded small.  
Alex wouldn’t mind if she was or if she wasn’t, she would always be her supportive sister.  
It was more to convince herself.   
Alex shook her shoulder but didn’t say anything.

“It… it’s just her…” Kara continued.  
She could hear her sister sigh, but didn’t know how to read it.  
Kara sat up straight and found the courage to look her sister in the eyes.

“I love her, Alex… I… I’m in love with Lena Luthor.”  
Somehow, she thought it was necessary to make that very clear.  
She needed to speak these words.  
Alex looked calm.  
“I know.” Was her only respond.

Kara clenched her jaw, she broke the eye contact for a second, gave her sister a nod back and stated;   
“Good!” before she snuggled back to her sister’s side. 

The two sisters stayed quiet for a while.  
Alex made her sister sit up and got the two of them a beer.  
“It’s not even two o’clock.” Kara noticed as she took the beer from her sister.  
“My sister has fallen in love again. I need a drink. And you are going to talk to me, so you also need a drink.” Alex explained as she dropped back down on the couch.

Kara tilted her head “Do I have to?”  
“Yes, Kara. Talking is good!” her sister convinced her as the blonde sighed.  
“Besides… I want to know.” Alex admitted.  
Kara pulled up her eyebrows.  
“Now tell me… When did you realize, you were in love with Lena?” Alex took a sip.  
“Last night.” Kara answered short, a part of her wanted to talk about it.  
Her sister nearly choked but she recovered quick.  
“Okay… last night… What happened?” Alex wasn’t sure if she wanted to know, but she could always stop her sister’s explanation if she had heard enough.

Kara took a deep breath.  
She told her sister all about the night.  
About Lena’s struggle and how hard it was.  
How Kara was able to calm her down.

Until the broken and raging Lena took her turn in the night.  
“Torture me, lock me up, do what you want with me. You killed my loved ones, but you will never control me.” Kara couldn’t remember her exact words, but she did remember her pain.  
“I could feel how hurt she was, it was heart breaking. I felt so sorry for her… She had loved people and she became this being that nearly killed Eve and stuck a syringe in her own neck.” Kara still didn’t know how to cope with that image stuck in her mind.  
“And my Lena was in there with her… Maybe she once was as sweet and compassionate as our Lena.”  
Kara swallowed and told Alex what she did to calm her down.

“I knew the Lena in this house loved me, Alex… But I didn’t realize before, how much I already loved her.” Her lower lip was trembling.  
“And she… she had to know how much I loved her. She was so full of hate, anger and rage… I could only answer her with my love for her.”  
Alex frowned her brows and tilted her head, curious about the rest of her story.  
Kara felt invited to tell her more.

She took a deep breath and continued.  
“I focussed on everything that I love about her and my whole body started to tingle. I warmed up, just like I did when Red Daughter defeated me… Only this time I wasn’t dead and didn’t pull my energy from the grass.” Kara shrug as she sipped her beer.   
Alex could appreciate her sister’s light hearted comment on the situation.  
“You pulled it from love.” She concluded.  
Kara gave her sister a proud smile.  
“I could it feel leaving my body and flowing into hers… After that; I collapsed. Just before I passed out, I heard her say she loved me too.” She lost the tension in her shoulders as she was done speaking.  
“She must have felt your love.” Alex nodded.   
“That is… wow… That is powerful.”

“And now I don’t know which Lena will wake up. How she will wake up. If she will wake up… Her battle is so tough and I wish I could make it easier on her.” Kara clenched her fists.  
“Hey…” Alex covered one of Kara’s fists with the palm of her hand “She feels your love… Have faith in her. Lena is strong.” She gave her little sister a reassuring smile.

All of a sudden Kara looked up.  
“Well… Speaking of my love… Her heartbeat is changing, it sounds like she is waking up.”  
Alex spotted a hopeful twinkle in her sister’s eyes, though her expression was worried.  
“Alex… Will you please stay downstairs, unless I call for you? She might still think you’re dead.” She asked as she stood up from the couch.  
“I will wait here. Now, go get your girl, tiger.” Alex motivated her sister.

“And Kara...” she stopped her sister just before she launched herself out;  
“It’s not weird, you are married!” Alex smiled.

Kara answered with a scrunched nose and a shy smirk before rushing upstairs.


	16. It's not weird!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena woke up after a rough night.  
> Alex gives Kara advice, how to help Lena.
> 
> And it’s not weird...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things get a bit heated this chapter.  
> It gets awkward and a bit uncomfortable...  
> I'm (not) sorry, it just happened. 
> 
> This chapter got a lot longer.  
> I chopped it in two. 
> 
> The second part will be up in a few days, I need to make a few adjustments to prepare for Chapter 18 (which I'm looking forward to writing) 
> 
> I hope you will enjoy this awkward chapter.  
> Let me know what you think.

Kara stood in the doorway.  
The sunlight gave Lena’s dark, almost black hair, an auburn glow.  
It made her look softer and warmer.

The Kryptonian approached her girl with care.  
She sat herself down next to her.  
Showing her love seemed to work last night.  
Being sweet, gentle and loving was what Kara wanted to express.  
With the back of her hand she caressed Lena’s cheek.

Slowly her eyes opened.  
Light green peeked between her eyelashes.  
Her face cringed, squeezing her eyes tight. 

Kara pulled back immediately.  
Lena looked like she was in pain.  
With a little hesitation Kara cupped Lena’s cheek with one hand.  
The pale woman groaned.

Kara brought her face closer to Lena’s.  
“Hey Lee. I’m here…” she shushed her.  
Lena clenched her jaw.  
Kara laid herself down beside her.  
“What’s wrong?” she asked gentle.  
She hoped a new battle with that broken part of her loved one wasn’t necessary.

“My body aches like hell.” Lena moaned.  
It was such a relief for Kara.  
Lena was in physical pain.  
It’s wasn’t ideal, but it will heal.  
“Oh, all my muscles are stiff. Like I did a survival run or something.” She snarled.  
Lena tried to move, but her back seemed to cramp up.

Kara could feel how at ease Lena’s mind was, even though her body was hurting.  
It was a good sign.  
The restlessness seemed to be over.  
Hopefully the worst of her inner battle was done.  
Lena’s tensed and cramping body wasn’t a surprise to Kara to be honest.  
She had to use strength to control all the power Lena was releasing last night.  
“I’ll get you something to soothe your muscles, I’ll be right back.” Kara kissed Lena’s forehead.

Alex had left her medical bag in the bedroom.  
Kara used her speed to get it to her sister, to make sure Lena would get the right medication.  
She had expected her sister to give her some pills to make the pain go away.  
Alex gave her a painkiller and an oil. “Gentle massage the aching muscles. She will ease up as you rub it in.” She winked at her sister teasingly.  
Kara gasped “Are you serious?” her face turned red as her heartbeat increased.  
“But... but…”  
“Also her butt when she says it hurts.” Alex enjoyed flustering her sister a little too much.  
Kara did get it; this would be the best way to help Lena, but the way Alex teased triggered her.  
“Go now, Kara. It’s not weird… You are married!” Alex started to love saying it, to get back at her sister.  
“Stop saying that!” Kara ordered annoyed before she went back upstairs.

Her super hearing could hear Alex chuckle downstairs.  
Kara shook it off.

Lena had rolled herself into a ball facing the matrass.  
Kara sat down beside her, placing one hand on her back.

It didn’t really matter which Earth’s Lena was the most dominant one.  
It didn’t matter who was in control.  
Kara’s soul belonged with Lena.  
Their paths have crossed at many Earths.  
And Lena’s soul has searched for her.  
Kara loves Lena and she will fight for her, no matter how rocky their road will be.

Right now, she was in pain and she needed release.  
They can talk when she calmed down.

She helped Lena to sit up, putting an arm around her so she could lean on Kara.  
Her body was still cramped, her knees were pulled up to her chest.  
Lena was unable to keep her hands steady enough to drink a glass of water, so Kara had to help her.  
She swallowed her medicine.  
“Thank you.” She rested her head on Kara’s shoulder.

“I… Eh…” Kara stammered.  
Her hands were already getting clammy by the sight of so much bare skin.  
Kara had changed her clothes last night, but she was too embarrassed to look while doing it.  
She used more speed with her hands than her eyes were able to follow.  
And now…

“I need you to take your shirt off.” She spat out.  
That came out totally wrong.  
Rao, she was getting nervous.

“What?” Lena was confused.  
She lifted her head up so their eyes could lock.  
Her face had not been able to release her pained expression yet.

“I… I mean… I have a relaxing oil to… to massage you-” Kara stammered.  
“F*ck yes.” Lena interrupted her with a thankful moan.  
“Help me get my top off, darling. My muscles are too strain to do it myself.”  
She held her arms as high as she could.  
Her arms couldn’t stretch above her shoulders.

Kara gasped.  
She recoiled.  
Her whole body was heating up.  
She clenched the bedsheets into her fists.

“Come on Kara, don’t act like you have never seen my tits before.” She snarled.  
The pain in her body made her cranky.  
Kara was being weird and it was annoying her.

“I…” Kara was doing the fish thing again with her mouth.  
She was not able to look into Lena’s eyes again.  
The flustered woman bit her lip and looked away.  
Her face turned bright red.

It seemed to hit Lena like thunder.  
A sudden realization made her change her attitude.

“Oh… I get it… I’m sorry.”  
Lena swallowed a lump in her throat.  
Her eyes rolled over Kara’s body, up and down.  
She reached for her clenched fist, giving it a squeeze.

“Tell you what…” Lena shook her fist lightly.  
“I’m going to turn around. But will you please, please rub my back. It’s killing me.” She begged jokingly.  
Kara was caught by her caring voice.  
She looked up so the two women could lock their eyes again.  
Lena’s face had softened, those green sparkles were so kind and understanding.

Kara didn’t know what Lena meant by ‘I get it’ but she will ask her later.

First let’s get this top of her girl… her friend… her friend-wife… her girl-wife… her girl-friend-wife?  
Ah… it doesn’t matter. 

Lena has turned around.  
Kara sat up on her knees to undress her without hurting her.  
She was gentle and took her time.  
Her fingers brushed against Lena’s skin as they travelled up the side of her body.  
Smoothly she passed her ribs, touching her softly.  
Kara could feel her heart pound louder.  
Goosebumps showed up on Lena’s cream coloured skin.

Kara bit her lower lip.  
They got closer as she pulled the top over Lena’s shoulders and head.  
Lena’s body pulled backwards to get her head through, making her fall into Kara’s front completely.  
Kara froze up at first.  
Her arms were around the nearly naked woman in front of her, still holding on to the piece of fabric.  
Kara made her body sink into Lena’s.  
She closed her eyes as her hands trailed down Lena’s arms, shoving down the top.  
Their hands touched as the last of the clothing released her body.  
Kara flinched for a second.  
She let her hands linger on Lena’s.  
Lena’s hands found hers.  
The women intertwined their fingers.  
Kara nuzzled her face in the pale neck.  
Taking in her scent.  
Her lips hovered above Lena’s skin, damping every inch her breath touched.  
Lena tilted her head to the right to create more room on her left side.  
Kara brushed her neck lightly.  
Her lips found the spot beneath the earlobe, behind where Lena’s jaw began.  
Hovering above her skin until she couldn’t keep herself from kissing her anymore.  
Lena tightened her grip on the intertwined fingers as Kara deepened the connection.  
Totally mesmerized by the moment, Kara traced down her neck.  
Gently sucking.  
Using her tongue, while her lips travelled sloppy over the soft skin.  
Lena released a pleasured moan.

The sound made Kara snap out of her enchantment.  
She released Lena’s hands and pulled back.

“I’m so sorry!” she wrapped her hands over her mouth as she realized what she was doing.  
Lena dropped her head; she was breathing heavily.  
Kara could hear her heart beat powerful.

“F*ck!” Lena growled. A normal ear would have missed it.  
She took a deep breath to recover.  
“Th… that’s okay.” Lena moaned slightly disappointed.

She let herself roll belly down on the matrass.  
Her head turned so she could face Kara.

The blond was still in shock because of her own actions.

Their eyes found each other.  
Kara looked like she was about to cry, while Lena was soothing and understanding.

The blonde dropped her hands in her lap.  
“I… I didn’t intend to… It just happened.” She apologized.  
Lena reached out to take one of Kara’s hands into her own, giving it a squeeze.

“Kara, it really is okay!” she assured her.  
“R…really?” Kara had trouble believing it, she had just nibbled on her girl-best friend-wife-crush.  
“I mean… I wouldn’t have minded if you didn’t stop…” she joked with enough truth hiding in her words.  
Kara smiled bashful.  
A part of her screamed for her to continue, but it didn’t feel good at this moment.

Not yet.

As if she could read her mind, Lena followed up; “We will be okay, darling. I promise.”  
Her smile was warm, it sends butterfly’s straight to Kara’s stomach.

“Kara? I hope you are still okay with giving me a back rub?!” Lena asked careful.  
Kara started laughing. “I think I can do that, give me a minute.”

She stood up to go to the bathroom, at the door she glanced over her shoulder to spot Lena still smiling at her with a pink blush spread over her face.  
Her heart was overflowing with love for this woman.  
Kara launched back to the bed to kiss Lena’s temple, “I do love you, Lena.”  
She jumped off right away, not giving Lena a chance to react.

She could hear Lena muffle a giggle while she was in the bathroom splashing cold water in her face.  
A woman with a slight blush, a wide grin and sparkling, blue eyes stared back at her in the mirror.

‘You can do this, Kara. It’s not weird, you’re married!’ she motivated herself before leaving the bathroom.

Kara had put Lena’s hair in a bun with a scrunchie she found on her nightstand.  
She had no idea why it was there, but for now it was very useful.

It was difficult to put a good pressure on Lena’s back without sitting on top of her.  
So she had to…  
She had to sit on top of Lena to rub out the knots from her back and shoulders.

It took her a while to get used to sitting on top of the pale woman with her hands all over her bare-naked skin.  
When she was relaxed into this new situation, she could use her voice again.

Lena was in a vulnerable position.  
If she got triggered and switched to an unpredictable personality, I would be easy for Kara to retain her.  
Now is the best time to talk about the more complicated matters.

Kara had to know which Lena she was talking to.  
With which Lena did things get so heated? No, that was not important!

What had happened to her last night and what had changed?  
That was a nice place to start.

“Lena?” She started as she worked on her right shoulder with both hands.  
Lena moaned “Hmm?” in response.  
“W… What can you- No!” Kara stopped herself as she thought she was starting off to direct.  
“I’m sorry… It was a rough night. How did you sleep?” she decided to start neutral.  
Lena sighed.

“I… don’t know how to explain, Kara. It was tough… I don’t want to talk about it, can you please go to my lower back? … F*ck yes! Thank you.” 

Kara was speechless.  
She could conclude this Lena had a slip of the potty mouth.  
Her Lena nor Lena Danvers nor the tortured, raging Lena had ever let out a curse.

How could a Lena she had only heard snap once be the winner of this inner battle?  
She also called her ‘darling’. Something Lena Danvers did.

It got the Kryptonian confused.

Maybe she should start of by informing her about Alex.  
See what would happen next.

Lena buried her face in her pillow, Kara could hear her muffle a pained growl.  
Her hands clenched the bedsheets in her fists.

“Am I hurting you?” Kara stopped her movement; she kept her hands flat on the small of Lena’s back.  
Lena nodded slowly “Keep going, it’s okay.” She groaned.  
Kara treated the spot with even more care and a little less pressure.

As Lena relaxed her body again with a loud moan, Kara gathered all her courage.  
“Lena… I- I need to be honest with you.”  
The woman below her let out a sigh, “Please do.” 

Kara swallowed a lump in her throat.  
“I don’t really know how to explain this…”

She tried anyway.  
Starting with the crisis, her part in it and what it had done with other people.  
The merged souls, searching for their own destiny.  
She told her Alex was still alive.

Lena had listened to Kara without moving.  
Letting Kara work her way around her back, shoulders and arms.  
Kara was very careful with her neck; she did not want to damage the healing puncture wound.  
Lena didn’t react to Kara’s explanation. 

The lack of reaction worried Kara, but it also gave her the opportunity to continue.  
“And… I am not the Kara who married you. I am not the one in those pictures. Those are not my memories.”

Kara stopped talking.  
She was wondering if it would be wise to tell her, she wanted it to be true; for them to be together like that.  
Before she could find the guts to tell Lena, the pale woman squirmed herself on her back beneath her exposing her naked upper body.

With a gasp Kara closed her eyes and covered Lena up with her hands.  
In her panic she didn’t realize she was cupping Lena’s breasts.  
Kara opened her eyes, seeing what she was doing; her brain malfunctioned and she screamed in pure gay-panic.

Alex broke down the door, to witness her sister sitting on top of a half-naked Lena, holding her boobs.  
“What the hell, Kara? I know you’re married, but this is weird!”

Kara’s jaw dropped.  
She pulled her hands back, leaving Lena exposed.  
“Oh, for f*ck sake, Kara!” Lena rolled her eyes as she covered herself up with the first pillow she could grab.

“This is not what it looks like!” Kara was in complete terror.  
Ignoring her completely Alex complimented “Looking good, Lena.” Gesturing her finger up and down Lena’s body.  
“Thank you.” Lena approved “Well, I’m glad you’re not dead. Good to see you, Alex.”  
“Wh… What?” Kara stammered.  
“I’m sorry about your door.” Alex let the palm of her hand glide over the doorframe.  
“Yes, you need to fix that.” Lena pointed at the broken door parts shattered over the floor.  
“I will make sure that happens.” Alex gave Lena a nod.

“GET OUT!” Kara shouted at Alex.  
Alex ran out laughing “It’s not weird, Kara!”


	17. Yours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex informs Lena about the DEO plans and asks for her help.  
> Kara and Lena talk about their feelings and last night.  
> They take care of each other.
> 
> They also talk about where they left off on Earth-38.

“GET OUT!” Kara shouted at Alex.   
Alex ran out laughing “It’s not weird, Kara!”  
Lena’s body shook of laughter.

“What’s so funny?” Kara was confused, adrenaline from her panic was still rushing through her veins.  
She climbed off Lena.  
Lena pushed herself up, dropping the pillow. She pulled her knees in front of her chest.  
“Oh sorry, Hon. You totally panicked, you’re such a prude.” Lena snickered.   
“I am not!” Kara stated, crossing her arms in front of her chest.  
“Really?” Lena stretched out her legs, crossing them at the ankles, leaning back, exposing herself and giving her the eyebrow with a cocky smirk on her face.

Why is Lena doing this?   
Kara tried not to look at her bare chest.  
She failed.  
Her eyes were drawn to the sight.  
It was stronger than her.  
As soon as she gained control over her gaze, she covered her eyes.  
Rao, Lena is a big tease.

Lena giggled as she put on a shirt and some sweatpants.

“You can open your eyes again; the girls are gone.”   
Kara opened one eye in hesitation, seeing Lena sit on the bed, with her smug face gesturing her to come sit next to her.

She let out a sigh and climbed next to Lena.  
“I’m sorry, I needed that. You are adorable when you are uncomfortable.” Lena kissed her cheek.  
Kara was getting so hot; her face must be a deep shade of pink.

She took her time to get comfortable again.  
Lena seemed to enjoy her company in silence. 

“Lena? Did you hear anything I said?” Kara asked worried, she didn’t want to have to tell her again. It took her all her willpower and now the subject was changed because of her little panic attack.  
Lena gave her a loving smile, “I did hear you.”   
She made their fingers intertwine and scooted closer.  
Kara could feel her warmth against her side.

She wanted Lena to continue talking. That’s why she kept quiet.   
Lena’s hands were cold, but soft. She rubbed her thumb over the skin beneath hers.  
“Well… I figured out you weren’t the married Kara, to be honest.” Lena’s gaze dropped.  
“W… But how?” Kara asked in surprise.

Lena had to gather herself before she could answer.  
“You… you seemed complete. Broken, but you knew who you were. Different… You are hopeful and you radiate joy, kindness and compassion. The other Kara… Well… Alex’s death was hard on her. What we had was great, but she could never be truly happy. She always held a sadness hidden within. Her smile could cover everything up, but I could sense it. I knew how lonely she was, even when she was with me… Like a piece of her soul was missing… It must have been Alex, or you not being Supergirl… Maybe it was both, I don’t know.” She explained.  
“I loved her dearly. But I was never enough to make her as happy as she made me… I wanted her to be at peace, but she always remained restless. The house, the decorations, the garden, the workplace for her paintings…”  
“Wait, there is a workplace for me to paint?” Kara interrupted her.  
Lena smiled sadly and nodded; “It was all to make her feel more at ease. I don’t care much about the materialistic, I am more practical, that’s what made it easy to give her anything she might need to be happy. It’s not like she was unhappy all the time, don’t get me wrong. We had it good together. But it got me desperate sometimes. She deserved the moon and the stars…” Her watery eyes gave away the love for Kara… For her Kara.  
“It was so good seeing you shine. You’ve always been my sun. You made me light up again. You are like a kickstart to my heart.”  
Lena smiled weakly.

Kara took a moment to let it sink in.  
“But… Wait… You know everything? All the Earths memories?” Kara untwined their fingers and backed away slightly.  
Lena nodded. She started to fiddle with her own fingers.  
“Was it all an act?!” Kara felt betrayed.

“O f*ck no! I would never puncture myself with a needle, that f*cking b*tch totally lost it. It still hurts!” she placed her hand on her damaged neck.  
Kara frowned her brows.

“No sorry. I mean…” Lena pinched the bridge of her nose, “It was a very rough night, last night… It’s all memories now. I’m pretty sure I’m not a ticking timebomb anymore who can change personalities any second.”   
Kara wanted to believe her.  
She looked deep into Lena’s eyes.  
Those green eyes were genuine, Kara knew they were true.   
She moved back against Lena and let her nuzzle against her.

“It was like I could only watch what the different personalities were doing.” She paused a moment. “It wasn’t even me kissing you.” She admitted as pushed herself up to look Kara in the eyes.  
“Wh- You’re not?” Kara was surprised, she was sure she had spent the last hour with the married Lena Danvers.  
Lena looked remorseful, she kept the eye contact intense and shook her head slowly.

“But who are you then?” this whole new Earth was still confusing, but nothing confused her like Lena could.  
“I am all…” Lena rested her head against the headboard of the bed so she could keep her eye contact.  
“But I am mostly yours.” She smiled.   
Kara couldn’t keep up.

Lena took Kara’s hand into both of her hands and started to play with her fingers, her own gaze was pulled to the fiddling.

“I… I don’t want to be mad anymore. Don’t get me wrong, you deserved it! But I get why you didn’t tell me now… I know more now. I learned all the memories of the lives I’ve lived on different Earths. The best of them included you. The worst also included you… And… I realize now… You tried. And you f*cked up!”  
Lena searched her eyes again quirking her brow.  
Kara opened her mouth to speak but was cut off;   
“But you never meant to hurt me.”  
A tear escaped a blue eye. “No… I never intended to… to lie or hurt you.”  
Lena kissed her cheek.  
“I know now, darling.”

Kara produced her crinkle as she processed information again.  
“Wait a minute… If you are not married to me… You… You were totally ready to… And you really are my Lena… Well… Before… You wanted to… You-you showed me your tits!”   
Lena laughed out loud. Kara had stammered, searched for the right words and this was what she came up with.

“Well… I wasn’t the only one if I remember correctly.” Lena teased, a blush appearing on the cheeks.  
Kara took a sharp breath, she looked away pulling her lips into a thin line.   
“Okay, you’re right… But… I… In my defence… I…” using words was difficult again.  
She clenched her fist in Lena’s hands.  
Kara was nervously trembling.  
She bit her lower lip.

Rao, why did she even start this conversation?  
Why did she start her sentence?   
Could she still get out of this?

Lena noticed this was important to Kara.  
She stopped her teasing to give her room to talk.

She squeezed her hand to encourage her.  
“I’m here Kara, I will listen.” She assured. 

Kara sighed; time to rip the bandage off.   
“Last night, I realized I loved you. Not just the married Lena Danvers, not only the Lena I knew and hurt… I even love the broken girl who stabbed a syringe into her own neck. I feel the need to keep her safe… To cherish her. To love her… To love you… All of you!” Her voice was trembling the whole time.  
She squeezed her eyes tight as if she was ready to get punched in the face, afraid of what the reaction could be.  
A nervous tear escaped.  
The words were out.  
It was all real now.

A soft hand guided her head side wards.  
Two lips kissed hers softly.  
Lena whispered against her mouth.

“I can’t remember an Earth I didn’t love Kara Danvers.” 

She pulled back after she pecked Kara’s lips one more time.

This was a lot to take in.  
Did Lena just tell her she loved her in every universe?  
Was her Lena, the Lena she always knew, the Lena she remembered… In love with her?

Kara couldn’t keep a smile from creeping on her face.  
Her eyes were drawn to nothing but Lena’s eyes.  
Her sparkling, green eyes.  
Her loving, caring eyes.  
Her warm, kind eyes.

“Kara, shall we go see Alex? She is still downstairs, isn’t she?” Lena pulled Kara out of her daydream.  
“Oh, right. Yes, sure.” Kara jumped up.

Lena had some trouble getting up.  
Her body felt a lot better, but was still sore.  
Her legs were aching and weak.

Kara scooped her up to carry her down the stairs.  
Lena squealed in surprise as she wrapped her arms around Kara’s neck.  
The sound made Kara giggle; it was cute.

Alex came to meet them in the hallway.  
“I heard a weird sound, everything okay?”

“Y… Yeah.” Kara put Lena down, holding her steady as she tried to find her own balance again.  
“How do you feel, Lena?” Alex asked concerned.   
“Sore! … But a lot better, thank you.” Kara supported her with an arm around her waist.  
“Kara took good care of me.” Lena smiled as she leaned into Kara.

“I bet she did.” Alex smirked.

\----

The trio settled in the living room.  
Alex gave Lena and Kara the opportunity to stay close together, they seemed to need each other right now.  
Kara and Lena positioned themselves on the couch next to each other, with an awkward amount of space between them.  
Alex dropped down in the lazy chair.

Kara informed her sister about Lena’s state of mind, with Lena’s permission.   
“So, you are our Lena?!” Alex said with a smile.  
“Mainly, I guess. Yes.” Lena answered.  
“Good, I know you the best.” 

Alex explained the DEO plans to make people able to focus their minds, so they won’t be so confused anymore and reduce the risk of a multiple personality disorder, as Lena had experienced herself.  
“Do you think you can help us find a way to reach all of National City?” Alex asked.  
“I beg your pardon?” Lena was clearly insulted, “I am Lena f*cking Luthor, off course I will find a way.”  
Kara chuckled proudly at the cocky way Lena convinced Alex.  
She had gotten used to Lena swearing already.  
Alex looked a bit surprised for a moment.

Alex smiled relived.  
“Good. If you want, you can come by the DEO tomorrow to let J’onn help you.”   
She stood up from the chair.  
“Well, I’m going to leave you two alone. I bet you have a lot to talk about.”  
Kara scrunched her nose, she wished Alex would stop talking and just leave. Her sister had teased her enough for one day.  
Alex looked at the wedding canvas and gave Kara a meaningful look. Kara mouthed a clear ‘NO’ without sound at her sister.  
Alex smirked back at her.  
She hesitated a moment, but decided to leave with; “Take good care of each other.”

Kara was thankful Alex left.   
She was sure her sister was about to threaten Lena or make another embarrassing joke.

\------

With Alex gone an awkward silence filled the room.  
Both unsure where to go from here.

“So…” Lena started.  
“So…” was Kara’s reaction.

Lena searched for eye contact, but Kara found her own knees way more interesting.   
She could hear Lena’s heartbeat accelerating.  
“You love me?” Lena said flustered.  
Kara could feel her own heartbeat speeding up. A fluttering nausea filled her stomach.  
“Ah… Y-Yeah.” She stammered.  
“Kara?” Lena reached for Kara’s hand. She lightly brushed Kara’s fingers.  
“You heard what I said, right?” Lena sounded small.

Kara smiled. She allowed the eye contact.  
“I did… I just find it hard to believe. You said you loved me in every universe…”   
Lena nodded in confirmation.  
“You… You loved me. I mean… me! In our history. I mean… I only lived on Earth-38. And… Are you sure you loved me? … Me-me?” Kara shifted her position to face Lena, instead of her own knees.

“Oh, come on! You didn’t know?” Lena frowned her brows.  
Kara shook her head in surprise.  
“I buried your office in flowers… I bought CatCo for you… I’m not very good with using words to express my feelings… But those are pretty big gestures.” Lena explained.  
“But… you were so mad at me. You hated me.” Kara bit her lip.  
“O Kara…” Lena scooted over, wrapping her arms around Kara’s neck.

“I never hated you, you dummy. I was angry… Hurt mostly. I can still feel that anger to be honest… I don’t believe anyone can be that hurt or angry with someone who doesn’t hold their heart.”  
Lena swung her legs over Kara’s making herself slide on her lap. The move surprised Kara, but having Lena close to her calmed her down. She wrapped her arms around Lena’s waist. Lena’s eyes were intense, loving and soothing. 

“You’ve held my heart for a long time, Kara Danvers. I was so lost when you broke it.” Lena clenched her jaw and closed her eyes. She rested her forehead against Kara’s and exhaled sharply.  
“I didn’t mean to.” Kara whispered, “And I don’t intent to do it again.” She pulled Lena in for a hug.   
Lena sank into her embrace for a while.  
When she pulled back, she sternly said; “You f*cked up as Supergirl! Being pissed at me about the kryptonite and saying I could not ask for your name because of my last name… Supergirl hurt me. She didn’t trust me. For you to be the same person… It made you the person who didn’t trust me.”  
“But I do trust you, Lee!” Kara reacted without hesitation.   
“I’m sorry. I… I have no excuse. I have learned… I can’t take any of it back. But I can promise you; I trust you!” Kara rubbed Lena’s back.   
Lena swallowed; her eyes held tears ready to fall at any moment.  
She nodded “I know… I know you do. I’m sorry… I’m still so hurt…” Her tears started to fall.   
“And I’m scared of the pain inside… Can you… Could you please just-”  
Lena didn’t have to finish her sentence. 

Kara held her.  
She kept her safe.  
She caressed her.  
Lena was able to break down in her arms.  
She was so small.  
So fragile.  
She had to be strong for so long.  
Kara couldn’t imagine how lonely she was.  
She couldn’t imagine how hard it was.

Kara had to be strong for the both of them and right now she could.  
“I’m here, Lena. You’re not alone anymore.”

Lena sobbed against her chest.  
Kara stroked her hair and kept her close to her heart.  
She cradled her softly while time passed by.  
As long as Lena needed.

\-----

The doorbell rang.  
Kara jumped up to accept the food they’d ordered.

“It’s been too long since we ate Big Belly Burgers together.” She smiled at Lena as she handed her the bag with burgers and fries.

They ate in silence.  
Both content with each other’s presence.

After dinner, Lena snuggled against Kara.  
“I… is it strange that I feel sorry for the insane one, that stuck a needle in my neck?” Lena asked out of the blue.  
Kara pulled Lena in closer against her.  
“Were you thinking about her?”  
Lena nodded slowly.  
Kara shook her head to answer her question, “It’s not strange at all… I feel sorry for her too.”   
The conversation seemed to stop there.

Kara got the feeling Lena wanted to talk, but wasn’t sure how.  
“You know… I had to fight you last night…” she admitted.  
Lena sat up, looking at Kara “You had to what? Why?” she looked remorseful.  
Kara shushed her back on top of her, holding Lena in her arms.  
“It’s okay, don’t worry about it… It happened when you were unconscious.”

Kara told Lena about what happened in the night.

“I’m sorry that happened to you.” Lena apologized.  
She pushed herself up and sat down at the other end of the couch, tucking her feet under her.

“Kara? Can I tell you about her? I want to tell you about her… About me… I kind off carry her pain now. It’s… it’s hard to explain. But I want to tell you, is that okay?”

Kara could only smile.  
She took it as a compliment.  
Lena felt safe enough to tell her about this painful memory.  
Despite everything… Lena did trust her.  
She would give Lena all the space she needed to tell her story.

Kara nodded and answered;

“Always.”


	18. In another life - part one

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We go back to the start.  
> A trip down Lena's memory lane from another Earth.  
> How a small difference in history can have a butterfly effect that changes everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is different from the others.  
> It's a background story about the messed-up Lena and how she got there.  
> I had her story in my mind when I wrote about her the first time in the lab, I thought it was worth exploring her whole story.  
> It got a lot longer than I had anticipated.  
> That's why I decided to cut it in two chapters.  
> The first one will mainly be feel-good and contain some fluff.

\--------------------------  
\--------------------------

The president was in National City to sign the Alien Amnesty Act.  
Although Lena was raised xenophobic, she never found a reason to hate Aliens.  
She didn’t care much about them being from another planet, even though people assumed she was just as anti-Alien as the rest of the Luthors.  
Lena could not be called pro-Alien though.  
She considered herself neutral.  
She understood both sides and saw a business opportunity.

Kara Danvers was on her first assignment.  
The last time they met; Lena had mistaken her for a reporter.  
Apparently, it gave Kara the idea she could proceed this career.

Kara was with Lena to ask the sister of the most notorious Alien-hater about her take on the Alien Amnesty Act.  
Even though she understood the comparison to her brother, it annoyed her.  
She was trying to make a name for herself.  
A clean slate.  
Her actions would speak louder than words.  
Giving an opinion about the matter could influence people how to think.  
That was not her place.  
Besides, it could drive some potential customers and shareholders away if she took a pro or anti alien stand.  
Lena was a lot smarter than that.  
Kara coming to her, was an opportunity to introduce the public to her newest product.

Her Alien detection device would allow humans to find out who among them is not truly one of them.  
It’s not up to Lena to influence people for what reason they should use the device.  
Some humans have the desire to find out and Lena is going to sell them products.

She demonstrated the device and showed the reporter what a negative response looks like.  
The green light lit.  
She challenged Kara to do the same.  
The reporter asked a couple more questions before eventually taking the skin test.  
The red light lit.  
Kara dropped her head.

Lena pulled her lips into a thin line.  
“And that is what a positive response looks like.” She nodded.  
She stood up and put the device back in the safe.

Lena turned around and crossed her arms in front of her.  
“So, you are an Alien miss Danvers.” She stated with a quirked eyebrow.  
Kara looked guilty.  
Like she had just been exposed.  
Maybe even terrified.

It was never Lena’s intention to make her feel uncomfortable.  
She liked Kara.  
Her being an Alien didn’t change that. 

Kara backed away.  
“I… I have to go.” She stammered.  
Lena didn’t want Kara to leave like this.  
“Kara, wait!”  
Kara had a second of hesitation in which she slowed down and looked over her shoulder.  
“It’s okay. Your secret is safe with me.” Lena assured her.  
Kara gave her a small nod and walked out of Lena’s office.

This didn’t feel good.  
The look in Kara’s eyes…  
She didn’t feel safe in Lena’s office.  
In her presence.  
She wanted Kara to feel safe.  
She was the good Luthor.  
Right? 

Maybe it was Lena’s right to know who among her fellow citizens wasn’t human…  
But was it her right to take?  
Or was its Kara’s right to tell?

\--------

The article Kara wrote was surprisingly neutral.  
It was amazing, Lena had to admit.  
After the positive respond of the device to Kara’s skin-test, Lena was afraid Kara would do a hatchet job on her.  
Lena realised Kara had a good reason to be pro-alien.  
Still Kara wrote a good article about her, L-Corp and her device.  
She could have easily destroyed Lena’s name and place her with the other Luthors.  
But she didn’t.

Lena decided to send Kara a message, she wanted to see her.  
She wanted to thank her in person.  
She was curious why Kara wrote the article the way she did.  
She was impressed by the new reporter.

Kara came to her office the same day.  
They started off with some small talk about plumerias and Kara’s mother.  
Lena started complimenting Kara.  
And somehow, she couldn’t stop.  
She knew Kara was going to be a great reporter from the first time they met.  
She had to let her know she had a gift with words.  
It was like complimenting word vomit just kept spitting out.  
She even admitted she was afraid of what Kara would write. 

Kara got flustered.  
She smiled and told Lena about the scathing article she originally wrote about her device and how her boss tossed it.

Lena was disappointed.  
The praise she just gave Kara wasn’t meant for her, but for her boss.  
Kara would have killed her whole future if she had the chance.  
She chuckled “Well, that explains it.”  
This time, Lena was the one feeling uncomfortable.

“The funny thing is, I’m glad he did.”  
Kara told Lena she had changed her mind.  
Lena beamed.  
“Do tell.” She encouraged Kara to explain herself further.  
Even though Kara thought Alien Amnesty was a good thing, not all aliens are good.  
It’s not that black and white.

That’s exactly how Lena sees it.  
She couldn’t help but smile at Kara.  
How could she not?  
Kara had given her the kindest of all smiles.  
“Well, I’m glad you can see from my point of view.”

Kara fiddled with her glasses; she had a slight blush on her face.  
Lena felt comfortable with her.  
She was adorable, looking like that.

Lena shared her story of how she used to adore Lex.  
She did everything she could to bring him back to the side of good.  
Eventually she realized that some people are just bad.  
“And there is nothing you can do to change that. But you can learn to protect yourself.”  
She explained herself.

With the sweetest and most understanding smile Lena had ever seen, Kara agreed with her.  
Lena chuckled softly.  
She could feel her face heat up and decided it was best to look away.  
Lena could not resist to steal another glance at the beautiful reporter.

What had she got herself into?  
She planned on keeping people at a distance.  
No friendships, no trust.  
She had been hurt to many times before.

\----------

Lena was growing fonder of the blonde every time they met.  
Kara was just so ravishing.  
The young Luthor lost all her defences when she was around Kara.  
Kara was able to chip down her walls and convinced her to eat lunch together.  
Being alone in a new city was hard.

Lena had a friend.  
And that friend was Kara Danvers.  
The only friend in National City.

\--------

Lena was hosting a fundraiser.  
All those high placed figures with their noses up in the air, never bothering to look down on what was happening in the real world.  
Lena despised those kinds of events, but they made great money for a good cause. 

She had gathered all her courage to ask Kara to come.  
Lena could really use a friend to give her a different mindset than to just act polite to people who didn’t actually care about anything than their own good name. 

This was her first time at CatCo.  
She searched the building to find Kara.  
Why was she so nervous?  
She was just asking a friend to come to a fundraiser.  
A friend that could decline…  
Oh God, maybe Kara didn’t want to go there with her… for her.  
She could always use the reporter thing against her.  
Maybe she could use the gala for an article.

She found Kara.  
And Kara was happy seeing her.  
She invited her… and kept on talking,  
“You are literally my only friend in National City, most people wouldn’t touch a Luthor with a ten-foot pole.”  
Why did she have to be so pathetic.  
She bit her lip to stop herself from talking.  
Kara made words come so easily to Lena.  
To easily.  
Kara made her spit out all her vulnerabilities.  
She waited nervously for her only friend to answer.

Kara smiled.  
She would love to come.  
Lena could feel a relief in her stomach.  
Her body started to heat up.  
Thank God it was stopped by a weird guy next to Kara who insisted to tag along.

Lena invited him as well.  
She would not be able to be by Kara’s side the whole evening, even though she wanted to.  
With him there, Kara might not get bored.

When Lena walked out, she relieved a big sigh.  
In the elevator she performed a little victory dance.  
Nobody knew she did that on rare occasions, it was just for herself to release the happy feeling.  
She was cheerful like a little child.  
Kara was coming to her fundraiser.

A gang was active, using Alien weapons, stealing jewellery, money and everything of value.  
Supergirl had taken a hit by the weapon.

Lena figured her fundraiser would be an amazing target for them.  
So, she had to think of a way to disarm them, make their weapons useless, so Supergirl could take them in.  
Yes, she had to work with Supergirl.  
Working side by side with Supergirl is what she came here to do.  
That is why she moved to National City.

A Luthor and a Super, working together.  
It was her dream.  
She would be the Luthor to stand side by side with a Super, doing good and saving the world.

Kara was the only connection Lena had to reach Supergirl.  
That was why she had to go to Kara.  
She called CatCo, but Kara wasn’t in the building.  
Lena searched for her address.  
Kara hadn’t given it to her, but Lena could always find a way…

In front of Kara’s front door Lena was pacing back and forth, practicing what she was going to say.  
‘Keep your cool Lena, you are the CEO of a billion-dollar company. You can ask your friend back the favour she owed you.’  
She took a deep breath, did a last check on her make-up, straightened her clothes and knocked on the door.

A friendly but surprised face opened the door.  
Lena smiled and shifted on her feet.  
She hesitated a moment, but when Kara asked her in, she took some big steps into the apartment while apologizing for dropping in on her again.  
Her words were stopped by the sight of an attractive young woman.  
Lena froze at the spot.  
She felt her stomach drop for some reason.  
The woman smiled at her.  
She looked familiar.

As soon as Lena realized, she forced herself back into her friendly mode.  
“Hey, I know you. You saved my life.” She stated, but forgot to smile. Her head was too caught up in the wondering what that woman was doing in Kara’s apartment.  
“Special agent Alex Danvers, FBI.” She held out her hand to introduce herself to Lena.  
“She is my sister.” Kara added to the information.  
What a coincidence. A weight lifted of her shoulders.  
“The city is smaller than I thought.” Lena smiled in relief.  
An FBI on the spot could also be helpful.  
Lena asked for her favour, to get in touch with Supergirl.

Kara exchanged looks with her sister.  
Their bond seemed to be strong.  
Lena got the feeling she interrupted something.  
“I will see what I can do.” Kara assured her.  
Lena thanked her and left before it got awkward.

That evening Lena was interrupted by Jess.  
“Miss Danvers is here to see you.” As she let Kara in.  
Lena was caught off guard.  
She greeted Kara with a big smile.  
“Kara, what a pleasant surprise. To what do I owe the pleasure?” she asked.

Kara fiddled with her glasses.  
“Eah…”  
She looked around nervous, like she was literally searching for words.  
It got Lena worried.  
“Kara? What is wrong?” she took Kara’s hand and guided her to the couch.  
She cherished her hand, encouraging her “You can tell me.”

Kara took a deep breath.  
“You asked for Supergirl… Well, I am her.” Her voice was trembling.  
She carefully looked at Lena from the corner of her eye, keeping her head down.  
Lena chuckled, “You? You are Supergirl?” she asked in disbelieve.  
Sweet, innocent, warm, adorable, little Kara was Supergirl?  
That is ridiculous.  
Lena smilingly raised her eyebrow.

Kara let go of Lena’s hand as she stood up from the couch.  
She flew up, floating four feet above the ground.  
“I am.” She answered softly.

Lena’s jaw dropped.  
She couldn’t take her eyes of her friend.  
Sweet, innocent, warm, adorable, little Kara is Supergirl!

Kara landed careful in front of her.  
Her eyes held a mixture of fear and excitement.  
“Well?” she invited Lena to a reaction.

Lena lightly shook her head to get out of her stare.  
“I… Well… Wow Kara.” Lena could feel her heart jump.  
Her idol and her best friend were one and the same.  
She befriended the woman she came to National City for, without knowing.  
Supergirl knew her as a friend and not as a Luthor who had to prove her good intentions. 

“That is perfect.” Lena wrapped her arms around Kara in enthusiasm and pulled her in a tight embrace.  
She jerked away when she realized how far she just launched out of her own comfort zone.  
“I mean…” She wrapped her hands together in front of her and shifted on her feet “That’s cool.”

Oh God, she messed that up.  
What would Kara think of her now.  
“Euhm… So, you can come to my…” oh no, her voice was trembling, “fundraiser as Kara or Supergirl, what you want. Anything you like. I mean… You-” She pressed her lips together; it would be better if she would just stop talking.  
She exhaled sharply to reset herself.  
“I would be honoured to have you at my fundraiser, Supergirl.” She smirked. Her voice sounded in control again. 

Kara beamed.  
Her blue eyes sparkled like sapphires as she laughed.  
That girl was enchanting when she laughed.  
She had a smile like the sun.  
“Come here you goof!” she pulled Lena in for a hug and held her close.  
Lena stiffened at first.  
She was so close.  
Kara was so warm and gentle.  
It felt safe in her arms.  
Like they had never done any different.  
They fitted naturally.  
Lena let herself sink into the embrace and wrapped her own arms around Kara.  
“You have no idea how relieved I am, you are okay with it.” Kara said.  
Lena didn’t want to let go.

She can’t remember the last time someone held her.  
It must have been Jack.  
But did he ever feel so good?

It appeared Kara didn’t intent to let go either.  
Lena sighed and nuzzled her face against Kara’s shoulder.  
It didn’t really matter what this moment was.  
A celebration of a new level to their friendship, maybe?  
Gosh, Kara smelled good.  
Anyway…  
It was good.

As expected, the gang appeared at the fundraiser.  
Lena had informed Kara about her plan.

As Supergirl was fighting the gang, Lena crawled under the stage where she hid a Black Body Field Generator before the event.  
With the help of Winn, a friend of Kara, she was able to make the device operational and absorb the electromagnetic radiation of the alien weapons and shut them down.

Alex’s team was able to catch the gang members.  
Supergirl and Lena shook hands on their first collaboration.  
“You took a nasty hit there, Supergirl.” Lena noticed.  
Supergirl chuckled, “That’s nothing, I am Super after all.” She joked.  
Lena laughed nervously and fiddled with her fingers.  
“I… eh… You saved us, miss Luthor.” Supergirl stammered.  
Lena got flustered, “Well, who would have thought? A Luthor and a Super working together! I hope we can work together more often in the future.”  
Supergirl smiled at her, “I hope so to.”

\----------

Lena and Kara grew closer.  
Their trust became stronger and they told each other almost everything.

Lillian Luthor, Lena’s mother, appeared to be the head of Cadmus.  
Cadmus was the organisation responsible for the gang attacks during the fundraiser.  
Kara had informed Lena about that.

Even though their bond wasn’t a very warm mother-daughter relationship, she was still Lena’s mother.  
Lena was torn between loyalties.  
Her new friend and the woman who raised her, even though she never learned what it was to be loved.

Her mother was up to something.  
Lena decided not to involve Kara and intercept her mother’s plan on her own.  
Informing Kara would mean there was no way back and her mother would be the bad guy.  
Another bad Luthor on her name.  
Lena stayed hopeful, maybe her mother’s plans weren’t that bad this time.

They were bad!  
Lillian created a virus to kill all aliens in National City.  
The only thing she needed was an isotope Lena owned.  
So, that was why she got in contact with her daughter again.

Lena tricked her mother into thinking she would help to destroy all aliens.  
Instead she got Lillian arrested.

She was pretty content with herself.  
Kara wasn’t too thrilled about it.  
“What were you thinking?” Supergirl snapped at Lena as she walked in from the balcony.  
“Well, good day to you to.” Lena crossed her arms in front of her as she leaned against her desk.  
“That woman kidnapped me last week. She hurt me. She had Jeremiah. That woman is evil.” Kara raised her voice at Lena.  
“That woman is my mother!” Lena sneered back.  
“She could have hurt you.”  
“I can take care of myself.”  
The eye contact between the two friends was intense.  
They both spit fires.

Lena was proud of herself, how she had handled the whole situation.  
Everything turned out fine.  
Now, Kara was raining on her parade.

“You can leave the same way you came.” Lena turned Kara her back.  
She couldn’t stand Kara bringing her down and making her feel bad about herself and her mother.  
She was already ashamed enough of her family, she didn’t agree with their methods.  
Lena didn’t need Kara to tell her how bad they were.  
She knew.  
She knows for over twenty years.

\-----------

Lena had to admit she missed Kara.  
They haven’t talked in over two weeks.  
But Lena didn’t plan on giving in.  
Kara was in the wrong.  
Instead of thanking her, she scolded her.  
Lena didn’t have to take it.

Occasionally she had to stop herself from texting or calling Kara.  
Kara had to come to her.  
She wasn’t getting away with it that easily. 

Breaking news got out; Lillian broke out of prison.  
Lena saw it on her television in her office.  
A few days before, she had visited her mother in jail.  
She had learned she was a real Luthor, with Lionel being her biological father.  
Lena couldn’t share this news with anybody.  
She had to process it on her own.  
She really could have used her friend, if it was only to talk.  
Already, there were rumours about her involvement in the escape of her mother. 

She was the one who made it possible her mother was behind bars.  
Why would she help her escape?

It was just a matter of time.  
Who would be here first?  
The press or the cops?

A knock on the door broke her train of thoughts.  
“Please, let it be Kara.” She whispered to herself.  
“You know I have Super-hearing, right?” it was Kara walking into her office.  
Lena sighed relieved, “I didn’t think of that to be honest.”  
She smiled at Kara, who was still walking towards her.  
Lena deadpanned and held her hand up, stopping Kara; “Are you here for an article?”

Kara ignored the stop and pulled her in for a hug.  
“I thought you could use a friend right now.”  
Lena stepped back.  
Kara’s embrace was always nice, but it felt hypocritical.  
She didn’t apologize yet.  
Still…  
Lena had to admit Kara was right; she could use a friend right now.

Before one of them could speak the door opened again.  
Agent Sawyer came to arrest Lena.  
She asked Kara to leave.  
Kara refused, standing in front of Lena.  
Lena also didn’t want her to go.  
They seemed to have proof she had stolen the kryptonite that was needed to build the guy who freed her mother.  
Agent Sawyer showed them the security footage of Lena steeling the kryptonite from a safe.

Lena was confused.  
It looked like her, but she was never there.  
“That’s not me.” Her voice skipped.  
She didn’t want Kara to think it was her.  
Kara had watched the video with her.  
Another agent handcuffed Lena.  
He pulled them on a little too tight.  
Lena groaned softly. She didn’t want to let them know her wrists were hurting.  
“The evidence shows something different, Luthor.”  
Apparently, he wasn’t a fan of the family. 

Lena knew there was no use in protesting.  
The agent got hold of Lena’s upper arm, squeezing tight and pulling her along roughly.  
Lena clenched her jaw.  
This wasn’t the first-time people treated her with less care than others because of her last name.

“Hey!” Kara intervened, standing in front of the agent who held Lena.  
“Miss Luthor is cooperating, there is no reason to mistreat her.”  
Her eyes spit more fire than Lena had ever seen.  
Even if you didn’t know she was Supergirl, she was intimidating.

Lena’s heart melted.  
Kara was sticking up for her, after she gave her a pretty cold shoulder a few moments back.  
“I’ve got this, agent Thomson.” Agent Sawyer took over and gently guided Lena away.  
“It will be okay, Lena.” Kara shouted after them.  
Lena looked over her shoulder, she could catch a last glimpse of Kara.  
“Thank you.” She mouthed her.

Prison wasn’t kind to her.  
All the guards wanted to catch a glimpse of the famous youngest Luthor.  
They mocked her, laughed at her, called her names, some even spitted in her direction.  
They showed her the cover of CatCo magazine.  
She was front page news.  
Not only with CatCo, she seemed to be on the frontpage of many newspapers and magazines.  
The guards thought it was funny to decorate the wall across her cell with covers stories about her.  
It was not every day they got the chance to guard the famous Lena Luthor.  
She came to National City to proof she was different than the other Luthors.  
The guards disagreed and they made sure she knew.

Lena didn’t react.  
She pulled back in the corner of her cell, hoping her innocence would be proven soon.  
She pulled back into her own head, ignoring the world around her.  
But it didn’t look good for her.

At her second day in prison the hall lighted up with a green glow.  
Lena was broken out of prison.  
She didn’t want to; it would make her look even more guilty.  
But she was forced.  
She resisted at first, but strong hands dragged her along.  
It was better to walk along or he would have broken her arms.  
That firm grip would surly leave her with bruises.

Lillian was waiting for her in a van.  
Lena was angry with her and she told her, she only looked more guilty.  
Her mother explained calmly that the public opinion wanted her to be evil, they had already made up their mind and she was not getting rid of it.  
“Luthors don’t get second chances. If they could drive a bright mind like Lex insane, what could they do to you? You have no one on your side. We are guilty and we will always be.”  
Lillian wanted Lena on her side.  
A chance to be the mother she had always dreamed of.  
Together they could change the world.  
Lena could feel a piece of her heart dying, but she was not caving in.  
She wouldn’t show how it all hurt her; not show how lonely she was.

Lillian undid all her kind words by forcing her to open a fault.  
She needed Lena only for her DNA and nothing more.  
Her mother was a liar and always has been.  
But there was nothing she could do but saying “No.”

Her mother used her to get all kinds of weapons that could kill Kryptonians.  
Those weapons could seriously injure Kara.  
Those weapons could kill Kara.  
One more brutal than the other.  
Lena had to play her cool, to not panic.  
But it was hard.  
Her mother was enjoying strolling around the fault, fantasizing out loud how each device would hurt the Kryptonian.  
Lena clenched her fists.  
Her heart was pounding fast and strong.  
She was breathing heavy; it was hard to keep that from being heard.  
Her throat went dry so she had to swallow.

“What is the matter, dear daughter? Don’t tell me you feel sympathy for the Kryptonian.”  
She approached Lena with a smirk on her face.  
But her eyes were unreliable.  
Lena flinched; her back was against the wall.  
Those cold eyes had always made her feel like she was worth less than the shit she stepped in.  
Lena held her chin high, even though she felt smaller than the fly on the wall.

The ceiling came crashing down all of a sudden, just a few feet next to Lena.  
“Kara Danvers believes in you!” it was the first thing Supergirl said as she locked eyes with her friend.  
Lena’s heart skipped a beat.  
She grew tall again by just looking at Kara.  
Lena smiled widely, “Supergirl!”

Lillian threw a device at Supergirl, she caught it, but it released a high tone that seemed to hurt her.  
Supergirl dropped down on her knees; covering her ears with her hands.  
Lena run for her “Don’t hurt her!” she shielded Supergirl with her body, while a Kryptonite blast came for them.  
A sharp pain took over her body.  
She flew through the air, hitting her back against the wall.  
Her head crashed into the ground.

\------------

Lena woke up in a hospital bed.  
She was bruised and her head still hurt, but she was going to be okay.  
On her nightstand was a CatCo magazine.  
Her on the cover.  
“Lena Luthor innocent”  
Kara had written a flattering article about her.

Kara saved her life.  
She fought for her as Supergirl and as Kara.  
Her reputation was saved thanks to her.  
Her life was saved thanks to her.

Lena wasn’t cleared to leave the hospital, but she didn’t care.  
She could walk.  
She could breath, even though it hurts.  
She could go back to work.

In the car she thought of a way to thank Kara for everything she had done for her.  
On her tablet she ordered the most beautiful flowers she could find.  
It was hard to choose.  
What was fitting for Kara.  
Kara deserved them all.  
O, what the hell… Why not.  
She ordered them all and got them delivered at Kara’s office with fast delivery.

Lena struggled through the day.  
At the end of the workday, Lena was resting on her couch in the office.  
She had to regain strength to go home.

Kara stepped by.  
“Hey,” she sounded soft.  
Lena tried to get up to greet her, but her body did not allow it anymore.

She tried to bite away her groan of pain.  
Kara could not be fooled.  
She was already standing next to Lena, gently keeping her down.  
“Wow, ho there!” Kara shushed her down.  
She sat next to her.  
Close to her.  
Lena could feel her heath radiate.

“Lena… you should still be in the hospital.” Her voice was worried.  
“I’m fine.” Lena tried to gesture her off, but working today took its toll on her already aching body.  
She flinched as she tried to lift her arm and released a groan.  
“Okay, maybe I should not have done that.” Lena pushed out a pained smile.  
Kara sighed, “No… no you shouldn’t have. And you should not have jumped in front of that Kryptonite blast for me… It will hurt me, but my body can take it. And I heal faster.”  
“Are you calling me weak?” Lena joked.  
“No, I mean… oh.” She spotted Lena’s smirk “Ha… ha… very funny.”  
Kara took Lena’s hand into her own.

How was it possible? With such a small gesture, Lena was able to lose so much tension?  
Kara looked Lena deep in her eyes, “Lena, please, please… don’t do that again!” she begged.

Lena had no strength left to disagree, so she just made a “hmm” sound in agreement.  
She was so tired, she let herself lean against Kara.  
Kara gently wrapped her arm around her keeping her steady.  
“Also… thank you for saving me... Lena Luthor, you are my hero!” she whispered in her ear.  
A smile appeared on Lena’s face.

Lena had already closed her eyes when Kara said, “So, my office is overflowing with flowers.”  
Lena didn’t open her eyes, she smiled and mumbled “Really?”  
“Yeah.” They both chuckled.  
Lena had to cut her chuckle short with an audible “A-aahhw” as she flinched.  
“Careful now…” Kara was so caring.  
“Nobody has ever cared for me like that.” Lena’s voice was barely above a breath.  
“Now you have somebody who will… Lena, please… Let me take you home.” Kara begged.  
“If you insist.” Lena didn’t care about being tough anymore.  
She couldn’t imagine how she could get home by herself.

Kara picked her up, careful not to bruise her more.  
Lena squinted her eyes, as the pressure was hurting her ribs.  
“Hold on to me, it will be more comfortable.” Her voice was so sweet and soft, just above a whisper.  
Lena nuzzled against Kara, wrapping her arms around her.  
Kara’s body was more muscular than it appeared to be and she was comfortingly warm.  
She rested her head against Kara’s collarbone.

Kara took her home.  
She helped her change her clothes for the night and tucked her in.  
“I’m going to sleep in your living room, because you have a concussion and I need to wake you every hour.” Kara was kneeling beside Lena’s bed.  
Lena frowned her brows and looked Kara in her eyes “Do I have to?” she sounded like a little child.  
It was fitting; she felt so fragile and small.  
Kara smiled, “Yes, you have to. And this is not up for debate, this is going to happen.” Kara leaned in, kissed her cheek and whispered “Goodnight.” Her warm breath gave Lena chills… good chills.  
She turned her head and locked lips with Kara as if they were drawn like a magnet.  
Kara gently brushed Lena’s jaw with her fingertips while replacing her lips a little to fit even better.  
Lena could have sworn she felt a tongue stroke her upper lip in the movement.  
Her body filled up with heath.  
A pleasant feeling took over her stomach.  
It happened.  
It was the moment.  
It was the safety.  
It was her.  
Kara pulled away slowly.  
Her sparkling, dreamy sapphires gazed into Lena’s souls.  
“I’m close by, if you need me.” Kara stepped back and rested herself in the living room.

Lena slumbered into a deep and peaceful sleep.

The next day Kara had brought Lena to the DEO against her will.  
Lena insisted to go back to work, even though she had trouble getting a clear head and breathing was troublesome.  
Alex exanimated her and ordered her to give into her concussion.  
“Give your body time to heal. If you don’t, you can keep having headaches for a very long time. So, rest! Go home.” Was her professional advice.  
Alex made her sign some forms about keeping the DEO and Supergirl’s identity a secret. 

Lena didn’t want to listen, but Kara had threatened to visit her at least once a day.  
Okay, maybe it was a kind promise…  
But right now, it sounded like a threat.

\----------

Those two weeks Kara visited every day.  
Lena didn’t dare to bring up the kiss they shared the first night Kara tucked her in.  
She wasn’t even sure it had happened; her mind was so fuzzy.

They talked about everything and nothing at all, when Kara was with her.  
Sometimes Lena’s headache was too much to talk, watch tv or do anything.  
Kara was with her to keep her company.  
They didn’t have to talk.  
Not being alone was something Lena didn’t know she needed so bad.  
Most days Kara stayed until Lena fell asleep. 

Lena was learning what it was like to be friends with Supergirl.  
Sometimes Kara had to leave in the middle of a conversation.  
Sometimes she came back a little while later, after a small emergency.  
Sometimes she didn’t come back, but Lena always got a text when Kara was safe at home.  
One-night Kara, as Supergirl, busted Lena fighting her sleep on the couch.  
Lena had waited for a confirmation of Kara’s wellbeing and refused to go to bed.  
Kara had a talk about it with her.  
“Lena, I am Supergirl. I will be okay. But I need my best-friend, so please keep her healthy and go to bed. You will see my text when you wake up. But don’t wait for me.”  
Lena had protested, but her body and pure logic told her the same thing Kara did.  
It needed some time to get used to.

She started to care for Kara more each day.  
It also meant each day she grew more worried.  
The news often showed reports of Supergirl fighting and saving the day.  
Praise for Supergirl made Lena feel proud of her friend.

Lena was watching Supergirl getting a serious hit on her screen when she heard a familiar sound coming from the balcony.  
“Kara, I’m happy to see you.” She wrapped her arms around her friend and held her tight.  
Kara embraced Lena gentle. She always had to be careful not to snap people in two, but Lena’s ribs still weren’t at full strength.  
“Happy to see you as well… oh… ulg… that looks way more painful than it was. And I won so it’s not important.” Kara commented on the footage showing on Lena’s television.  
Lena chuckled and loosened the grip Supergirl. She wasn’t ready to let go just yet.  
Her arms were wrapped around Kara’s neck. Lena pulled her head a little back so she could look Kara in her eyes.

She observed every inch the Kryptonian face with her eyes, looking for cuts or bruises.  
Her gaze lingered on Kara’s lips longer than any other parts. Lena bit her lip. Her heart rate was speeding up.  
“Are you okay?” Kara asked.  
Lena’s eyes locked with Kara’s bright blue ones again.  
She nodded slowly and released the bit on her lower lip “Yeah.” She answered soft “You look unharmed.”  
Kara giggled as Lena stepped out of their embrace.  
“I am unharmed, that’s why.” Kara joked.  
“Well, I’m glad you are.” Lena said as she poured herself and Kara two glasses of water.  
In the meantime, Supergirl changed into a set of regular clothes she had kept at Lena’s apartment the last week.

Lena sat down and held her head in her hands.  
Her headache was increasing.  
She groaned in the back of her throat.  
“But you are still harmed.” Kara noted with a small grin.  
“You should calm down.” She made Lena scoot over and turn so she could sit behind her.  
Kara placed her fingertips against Lena’s scalp and massaged her with care.  
Lena craned her neck and released a moan at the touch. 

Kara’s fingers were in her hair.  
She didn’t dare to let her tension go.  
She was sitting between Kara’s legs, with her back turned at her friend.  
The friend who makes her feel so warm inside.  
The friend who… Well, she may or may not have kissed.

“You can lean back, you know… Just let it go. It’s just me… I’ve got you.” Kara guided Lena’s body down to rest against her chest. She continued her head massage after Lena let herself nuzzle against Kara.  
“It is never ‘just’ you, Kara Danvers.” She smiled.  
Kara chuckled.  
Lena could feel her tension flowing away.  
She was still so sleepy from recovering. Kara was keeping her so warm, safe and comfortable.  
It wasn’t doing her self-control any good.  
Her consciousness was drifting away.  
In the last few weeks Kara had learned some tricks how to put Lena Luthor asleep like a baby.

“Kara? Can I keep you?” Lena heard herself mumble the words.  
Because of her slumbering state, the realisation of what she had just said out loud took longer than usual to hit.  
Before she could correct herself, she heard a muffled chuckle and felt a kiss on the top of her head.  
“You’ve already got me, Lee.” It was a loving whisper.  
Kara wrapped herself around Lena and rested her head against that of her friend.  
“I’m yours.” The words were barely above a breath.  
Lena slowly opened her eyes, like the words had awoken something in her.  
A wet tear rolled down her cheek.  
Lena was sure it wasn’t hers. 

Was Kara crying?  
What was wrong with her?  
Her stomach dropped.

I’ve already got her?

“Kara?” Lena could feel Kara flinch beneath her.  
She turned on her side, still tucked against her friend.  
Big tears were escaping Kara’s tight squeezed eyes.  
Lena wiped her tears away with her hands.  
Kara rested her head against Lena’s palm.  
“What is the matter?” Lena was worried.

Did something happen today?  
Did she got hurt?

Kara slowly shook her head, biting away a whimper.  
“You can tell me… It’s just me.” Lena smiled, repeating Kara’s own words “I’ve got you!”  
Kara opened her eyes.  
The watery blue was shimmering like a gemstone.  
Even when she was crying, she was beautiful.  
Adorable and cute.  
Lena had never seen her as fragile as now.

Kara tilted her head and smiled.  
“C-can you just stay with me?” she sobbed.  
If only Lena could look into her head right now.  
“Yes, of course. I’m here.” Lena tried to position herself comfortably against her again, but it didn’t feel good.

That couch was starting to hurt her ribs and back.  
She wanted to be close to Kara.  
She wanted to fall asleep with her friend in her arms.  
She hesitated for a moment.  
Maybe Kara would take it the wrong way…  
But something was bothering her and she was going to keep her safe.

Lena got up off the couch.  
Kara’s brows furrowed; her eyes could be interpreted as begging.  
She looked up at Lena.  
Kara seemed so small.  
Lena held out her hand.  
“Come on, let’s get ourselves some comfort.” 

Kara’s look was confused, but she took the hand.

Lena guided her into the bedroom, where she let go of her hand to get some clothes to sleep in.  
“This should fit you.” She threw a short and a baggy t-shirt at Kara.  
Kara caught them in reflex.  
“Lena, wait!” Kara’s voice held a sound of panic.  
Lena stopped with what she was doing and turned around to watch how Kara clenched the pieces of fabric against her chest.  
She looked lost.

Lena rushed over and took hold of Kara’s biceps.  
“Kara… Kara, look at me.” She tried to get her friend to look at her.  
When she did, Lena could continue; “Look, whatever this is, we can work this out. I’m with you.”  
“No… No-no-no. Lena, no.” she shook her head but remained frozen at her spot.  
The words send a shiver down Lena’s spine, it clutched her intestines.  
Lena refused to back down, something was bothering her friend.  
“Kara, if you are uncomfortable with… sleeping in my bed with me… you don’t have to, I und-“  
“It’s not that! Sorry, I’m okay.” Kara cut her off.  
Lena released a deep breath and waited for Kara to continue.  
Her lower lip was trembling but her words didn’t come.

Lena felt sorry for her. Sorry because Kara felt this way.  
“Hey…” she stroked Kara’s upper arms “You already told me you were an Alien, you told me you were Supergirl… And I am a Luthor. There is nothing the two of us can’t handle.”  
Lena meant what she said.  
Words came out fluently as Lena opened her heart to her struggling friend.  
“Kara, I like you… I like you a lot. I grew rather fond of you.” Lena swallowed. She felt the need to tell Kara how she felt about her. But opening her heart was unfamiliar to her.

Those blue eyes stared into Lena’s greens with a spark of hope in them.  
“You did?” she sounded small. “Grow fond of me, I mean.” Kara was blushing.  
The corners of Lena’s mouth had to curl up at the adorable awkwardness that was Kara Danvers.  
“I do.” Lena chuckled.  
“I do to… I mean… I like you. A lot. I like you a lot! And I’m fond of you to and-” Kara started to ramble.  
Lena pulled her eyebrow up with a cocky grin. She let her fingers slide down Kara’s arms to hold her hands, never breaking eye contact. Lena liked where this was going.  
“-and… Do you think we should date?” Kara continued.  
“We should date?” Lena was content with herself; it made her words come out with arrogance.  
“Y-yeah. You don’t have to; we can just stay friends if y-” Kara stammered on.  
“I would love to go on a date with you and see where this is going.” Lena smiled.  
Her heart filled with happiness. 

Kara let out a sigh and wrapped her arms around Lena a little to careless.  
“Careful, careful, careful.” Lena groaned in pain until Kara loosened her grip.  
The Kryptonian jerked back “I’m sorry.” She yelled out.  
Lena laughed with a little winch, squinting her eyes.  
Kara hasn’t dared to move into Lena’s direction again.

When the pain left Lena’s system she stepped forward.  
“Allow me.” She offered.  
Kara nodded with a bashful smile.

She pulled Kara in closer at the collar or her polo.  
Lena longed for those slightly parted, pink lips.  
She licked her own lips as she moved closer.  
Her other hand slipped to the back of Kara’s head.  
Kara followed Lena’s lead, allowing her to be in full control.  
Their lips softly brushed each other.  
Lena gasped at the touch.  
With closing her eyes, she also closed the last distance between them.  
Lips exploring each other.

Lena smiled against Kara’s lips.  
“This isn’t the first time we kiss, is it?” She remembered the feeling; it has never been a dream.  
“Nope.” Kara smiled back before she continued the kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The second halve will have a whole different tone to it.  
> She did not become so messed-up by being happy...


	19. In another life - part two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena and Kara are growing as a couple.  
> Trouble will wreck their paradise when Lena’s family finds out about her relationship with the girl of steel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A warning for this chapter is in order.  
> This is the second halve of Lena’s flashback to another life.  
> It’s no sunshine and rainbows.  
> Violence, torture and death are involved.

Lena and Kara became happy together.  
They worked side by side at the DEO, besides their other day jobs.  
They both had their own apartment, but were together almost all the time.  
Sometimes at Lena’s place, sometimes at Kara’s.

Their arguments mostly involved each other’s safety.  
Lena could dive head first into danger when Kara was at risk and Kara had to worry too much about Lena when she did that.  
To be fair, Lena did safe Kara’s life a couple of times.  
And Kara saved Lena’s.  
The youngest Luthor always had a target on her back, that’s how they met.  
It didn’t make this relationship an easy one.  
But their love was true.

Lena tried to ban her mother out of her life for as much as possible.  
She wasn’t allowed to know about her love life.  
Especially not now she was practically sharing her home with Supergirl.  
The best way to protect Kara was to keep Lillian as far away from as possible.

\--------

Lena spent her Sunday at Kara’s.  
Supergirl was called for an emergency, it didn’t seem that special to Lena.  
She baked a cake for her girlfriend to surprise her when she got home.  
Her baking was cooling down.  
It gave her the opportunity to take a warm and relaxing shower.  
Kara had all these shower gels and shampoo’s with different kind of herbs.  
The little girl scientist in Lena enjoyed mixing the bottles to create new smells and bubble effects.

It was still hard for her to believe how lucky she was.  
She did her little happy dance.  
Just for herself.  
She sang when Kara was not at home.  
Kara had busted her a few times; she could be very quietly when she got home.  
Lena would discover Kara had been listening when she opened the shower curtain and saw her girlfriend standing by the door of the bathroom, nearly causing her a heart attack.

“Lee, are you home?” Lena could hear Kara shouting from the living room.  
“I’m in the shower. Want to join me?!” She offered.  
Kara’s super-hearing was nice, Lena didn’t have to shout.  
She could hear Kara opening the door.  
Lena opened the curtain a few inches and leaned against the wall, her body still covered in soap, but fully exposed for Kara to see.  
“You are in a hurry, darling. The water is warm enough for the both of us.” Her voice was low and seductive.  
Kara’s face got an instant red glow, it must have been the heath in the bathroom...  
“Tempting… but not why I’m here.” She answered, forcing her eyes up to meet Lena’s eyes.  
Lena shrug and let out a disappointed sigh.  
She continued washing off the soap.  
“Then why did you came rushing in?” She asked.  
“Well, your mother knows I’m Supergirl. You use way too much eucalyptus, I bet you emptied halve the bottle again.” Kara spoke a lot faster than she usually does.  
“WHAT?!” Lena pulled open the shower curtain while the water was still running.  
“Well, you don’t need that much eucalyptus to smell nice. You have a naturally good scent.” Kara avoided the subject.  
“Not that, love!” She turned the shower off and wrapped herself in a towel.

Kara had an encounter with Lillian earlier that day.  
She was able to catch her and lock her up.  
Lillian had told Kara she knew her identity and was not going to tell her daughter, she would eventually find out on her own and be devastated.  
“Why would I be devastated?” Lena asked with a quirked smile as she was putting on her underwear.  
Kara shrug, “I don’t know. Because you were lied to by your girlfriend, she said.” Dropping casually more information into the conversation, hoping Lena would skip it.  
Lena thought for a moment. “That would make sense though. I’m glad you weren’t that stupid and just told me.” She was putting on her jeans.  
Kara laughed in agreement. “Well, that would be very cowardly.”

Lena passed Kara in the doorway, kissing her cheek on the way and put on a loose-fitting shirt.  
She placed her hands on her hips and stood in front of Kara, a couple of feet apart.  
“So, mother knows you are my girlfriend!” she concluded.  
Kara scrunched her nose, “I kind of hoped you didn’t hear that.”  
“Perfect! … just perfect.” Lena put one hand in her hair.

Lena knew this would have consequences for the both of them.  
They had to watch their backs all the time from now on.  
It’s a good thing Lillian is behind bars.

For now.

\----------------------

Lena and Kara discussed their options.  
Kara thought she could handle the Luthors when the time came and they shouldn’t worry about it in advance.  
It infuriated Lena.  
She had dealt with her toxic family for over twenty years.  
She knows what they are capable off.  
Her mother had always used her and never missed an opportunity to let her know how worthless she was.  
Lex always made her feel inferior.  
Lex would even sell his own mother to get his way, let alone what he would do to his little sister.

“They are both behind bars, Lee. We don’t have to worry about them now. Please, let’s just enjoy each other.” Kara tried to calm Lena down, who got stuck in her own head again, something that happened more often lately.  
Lena had spent many hours thinking of ways to keep them both safe from her family.  
She even suggested to break up, to prevent Kara from getting hurt.  
“You breaking up with me is what would hurt the most!” Kara refused to separate. “It would mean your brother and mother would have already won without a fight.”  
Lena could not argue with that logic.

Kara was right though.  
They were both behind bars and Lena would let them destroy her happiness by worrying to much about them.

Lena was getting ready for date night with her girlfriend, when her head wandered off again.  
She was hyperventilating from a panic attack when Kara knocked on her door.  
Lena was keeping herself up by leaning against the wall.  
She didn’t want Kara to see her like this.  
She had to be strong.  
She didn’t want fear to take any kind of control over her.  
Kara had found her like this one time before.  
This was going to be the second time.  
She knew it as soon as she heard the knock.  
A small part of her felt relived Kara was there.

A blink of an eye after the knock, Kara was already standing next to Lena.  
She positioned herself behind Lena, spreading her arms to expand Lena’s chest.  
Lena could lean into Kara.  
She had to, because her own legs had trouble carrying her.  
“Breathe sunshine, breathe. I’m here.” Kara’s voice was soothing and calm.  
She kissed Lena’s cheek.  
“Follow my lead, sweetheart.” She said before she started to inhale and exhale loud and slowly.  
Lena followed and slowly calmed down.

She regained control over her breathing, thanks to Kara.  
Shame took over her mood.  
Lena let herself slide down against Kara, until her bottom hit the ground.  
She was exhausted and started crying, mostly out of embarrassment.  
Lena buried her face in her hands.  
She didn’t want Kara to see her like this.  
But a part of her was glad she was not alone.  
And if anyone had to be there…  
She was glad it was Kara.

“Here, I got you some water.” Kara sat down on the ground across from her, giving her the space she needed.  
Gosh, Kara knew her so well.  
“Thank you.” Lena whispered.  
Kara smiled and gave a little squeeze in Lena’s knee.  
“Rao, you are such an ugly howler.” Kara teased.  
It made Lena chuckle.  
She knew how Kara meant it.

Lena got the chance to catch her breath and regain strength.  
“So, does this happen more often?” Kara asked carefully.  
Lena swallowed before she nodded.  
“Do you… want to talk… about it?” Kara stretched the words.  
“No!” Lena’s answer was fast and absolute.  
She realized how harsh she came off.  
“Just… no. I’m sorry.” She corrected herself.  
Kara smiled understanding.  
She leaned forward.  
Placed one hand at the back of Lena’s head and kissed her forehead.  
“That’s okay, babe. Know that you always can! And when it happens again, please use the watch. You are not alone and you don’t have to deal with this alone. No questions asked, deal?”  
Lena looked into those loyal puppy eyes of her girl.  
A warm glow flow through her body, like she was filled with love.  
She smiled and nodded, “Deal.” Was her soft response.  
“Good.” Kara pecked Lena’s lips and got up, walking towards the kitchen to grab herself a drink.  
“Do you still want to go out or rather stay in?” she asked as she was going through the fridge.  
Lena pushed herself up from the ground.  
“Do you really think a little panic attack would stop me from having a date with my favourite person, when you are looking like that?” Lena was exhausted, but she knew it would fade away and with Kara by her side, she would be stronger than any attack.  
“You are gorgeous, my darling. Now, give me some time to match your beauty.”

\-------------------------

It took time for Lena to get used to the idea of her mother knowing about her girlfriend’s identity.  
She hasn’t had a panic attack in a while.  
Her family was safe behind bars and she and Kara were strong, they could handle it.  
Nobody was going to destroy her happiness.  
Nobody was going to hurt her love.

Her protective nature had caused her some serious injury’s the last couple of months.  
Kara would scold her every time, telling her Lena shouldn’t jump into a gunfight for her, she was bulletproof.  
“It was instinct, I couldn’t help it.” Had been her defence.  
Kara learned to accept Lena was not going to stop trying to keep her girlfriend safe.  
They compromised; Lena started training with Alex at the DEO and got more involved with the Super missions. She had to listen to Alex during missions. Lena was blind to danger as soon as Kara appeared to be in trouble, Alex was way more skilled in counting risks.

\--------------

Kara wanted to spend some time with her cousin in Smallville.  
Lena couldn’t come with her because of her work at L-Corp.  
She believed she could help people with a multiple personality disorder.  
With her formula, she could weaken other personalities inside to give people the possibility to control just one and not be overtaken at any unwanted moment.  
It was still a theory, she had done some tests, but she was very excited.  
She preferred to continue working.  
They would go on vacation a couple of months later, just the two of them.

Lena had grown comfortable with being around Kara all the time.  
Her touch.  
Her warmth.  
Her sounds.  
Her scent.  
Being in her own home felt cold and lonely.  
That is why she spend her after work hours at Kara’s apartment.  
It smelled like her.  
It felt like her.  
Kara had encouraged her to stay there to take care of her plants.  
Lena could kill any plant with just one stare, but she liked the excuse.

Lena unlocked the door.  
She had been staring into a microscope for the last six hours, she deserved a break at home.  
Inside, a surprise was waiting for her.

“Kara!” Lena dropped her bag at the door and ran over to her girlfriend.  
The sight of her lover filled her up with joy.  
It had been only four days, but it seemed like forever.  
Without any hesitation she jumped Kara, kissing her fiercely.  
Her legs wrapped around Kara’s waist.  
“I missed you.” She kissed her again. “Gosh, you look good.”  
Kara didn’t give much response.  
It made Lena slow down and stopped her from ripping Kara’s clothes off in the middle of the room.  
She unlocked her legs and hopped on her own feet again.  
“I thought you were coming home next week.” She noted.

Something was off.  
Kara was different.  
“I… I forgot my journal… Silly me.” Kara stammered with a clear blush on her cheeks.  
Lena quirked an eyebrow.  
Kara was being very odd.  
“Are you okay, darling?” Lena asked suspiciously.  
Kara nodded, “Y-yeah.” And smiled.  
“Okay…” Lena rested her arms around Kara’s neck, “Good.” She smiled as she leaned in to kiss her again.

The scent…  
Her taste…  
Lena jerked back, stepping away from the girl in front of her.

“You are not Kara!”

The sound of a slow-clap filled the room.  
Lena turned around to face the person behind her.  
“Well done, little sis. Well done!”  
In an instinct she shielded the girl who wasn’t Kara from him.  
“Lex!” she hissed.  
“Ah good, you still remember my name. I was afraid you forgot about me. You clearly have been busy doing other… things.” He said as he walked around the apartment, exanimating the place, picking up Kara’s belongings and putting them back down and picking something else up again.  
“You were supposed to be in jail.” Lena was overwhelmed, she didn’t saw this coming.  
“Yes. And you weren’t supposed to f*ck Kara Danvers and look where we are.” His arrogance infuriated Lena.

She turned back to the girl who looked exactly like her girlfriend.  
This girl seemed to be torn, uncertain what to do.  
Lena wanted to lash out at her, but the look in her eyes changed her mind.  
“And who are you exactly?” she asked her soft.  
“I…I…” The poor girl was frozen and unable to speak.  
“It is going to be alright. Did he hurt you?” Lena placed her hand on the girl’s shoulder.  
A sharp pain crashed into the back of her head.

Everything went black.

\-----------------

“She is not coming!” Lex was tormenting her.

Lena was exhausted.  
She had no idea where she was.

A while ago, it must have been weeks, maybe even months, Lena had woken up in a dark, moisty place.  
Her clothes were changed into something simple, prisonlike outfit and she was stripped of all her belongings.  
She was cuffed against the wall.  
For most of the time there was nobody, not a living soul.  
Lena was starving.  
Her body was aching.  
Time has lost all its meaning.  
She was starting to lose hope.  
Her girlfriend was the powerful Kryptonian Supergirl, but she was losing hope.

“I really thought this would be easy. I guessed she would have found you by now. But apparently she doesn’t care as much for you as I though.” Lex was sitting a few feet away from her in a chair reading a newspaper.  
Lena’s anger rose as he was talking.  
“Seeing how you jumped Red Daughter like a horny bonobo, I would have thought she cared for you a little more than to let you rot underground.” His voice was ice cold and self-assured.  
Lena spared her breath.  
Talking back to him only gave him fuel to torment her more. 

“Would you look at that?!” Lex showed Lena the frontpage of the newspaper.  
Lena didn’t want to fall for his trap, but her eye was caught by the headline:  
‘What is wrong with Supergirl?’

Lex came by every so often.  
He had showed her clips and articles of Supergirl getting hurt.  
She was losing more support every day.  
National City was losing their faith in her.

“I must admit. I thought I could lure her in and kill her myself. But watching her get beaten up every day is quite amusing. And would you look at that? Director Danvers died.” He chuckled.  
“You evil, narcistic, cruel, son of a b*tch.” She growled in anger.  
“O no, we agreed you wouldn’t say any bad words, now I have to show you what happens when you are being mean.” His eyes sparked sadistically as he pressed a little button in his hand.

Lena’s muscles cramped together as an electric shock pulsed through her body.  
This wasn’t the first time he pulled that stunt.  
The electricity was coming from the cuffs.  
She had tried to get them off earlier, but the slightest attempt made them shock.  
The pain made her want to scream, but her jaw was clenched.

“Well, this has been fun. I have to return to my cell before they start missing me. Here is the newspaper, so you can look at your dearly beloved Kryptonian.”  
He threw it next to the last article he left to torment Lena with.  
Now, next to the article about how Lillian Luthor saved L-Corp from her downfall since the CEO went missing, lay a frontpage with a bleeding and broken Supergirl in the middle of a crater, screaming with a dead agent in her arms. 

Alex had died.  
Lena recognized her.  
Lex had made sure Lena knew how Supergirl had lost her concentration.  
How reckless she was being.  
How many times she got hurt.  
How other people got hurt because Supergirl wasn’t sharp.  
All since Lena had disappeared.

The article even mentioned Lena.  
There was a wonder if the missing CEO was linked to Supergirl’s failure.

Now, Kara had lost her sister.  
And Lena wasn’t there for her.  
She must be so alone.

Most of the times Lena was empty inside.  
Sometimes she was filled with anger.  
But now…  
She had lost a friend and the love of her life lost her sister.  
It was too much.

She screamed.  
She screamed it all out.  
Hanging in her cuffs.  
Exhausting her body in a worthless attempt of breaking out with her last glimpse of strength. 

\-------------

There was one spark of light left in Lena’s life.  
It was Red Daughter.  
With Kara’s beauty, her appearance was cruel.  
But she took care of Lena in secret.  
Red Daughter was always cautious around Lena.  
But Lena figured out her heart was pure.  
She fed Lena and gave her water to drink.  
Sometimes she unlocked the cuffs and allowed Lena to clean herself and provided her with dry and clean clothing.

Lena had tried to escape once.  
It was such a desperate and weak attempt; Red Daughter had sighed as she took Lena back to her prison lair.  
“Don’t mistake my kindness for weakness.” Was all she said when she put the cuffs on Lena again.

\--------------------

Lena had grown so weak and lifeless.  
She became a shadow of her former self.  
A bruised bag of skin and bones.  
Even Lex had trouble finding pleasure in torturing her.

There wasn’t much news on Supergirl lately.  
She was keeping herself under the radar.

Lena knew it was because she had lost hope.  
Without her sister she is lost.  
Without Lena, she had lost everything.

“Well, this is getting boring.” Lena heard her brother say.  
He uncuffed his sister, who collapsed as soon as nothing kept her sitting up.  
Lex lifted her head by holding her chin between his fingers and lowered himself to meet her at eye-level “Just don’t die on me, I need you alive to capture the Kryptonian.”  
Lena was so disgusted by him, she spat him in the face.  
He flinched back, “You foul witch!” he hit her with the back of his hand  
A sharp pain cut through her cheekbone.  
He left her on the ground and locked the door behind him.

Lena’s vision was blurry.  
Being liberated from her cuffs felt like a piece of freedom and comfort was given back to her.  
She rolled on her back, spread her arms and enjoyed the possibility her chest got to expand when she inhaled. 

\------------------------------

“Mister Alex has sent me to get you.” the accent of Red Daughter was the sweetest sound Lena heard in her dark and lonely lair.  
She smiled weakly at the blonde.

It didn’t matter anymore.  
It didn’t matter where Lex wanted her.  
It didn’t matter what he was going to do to her.  
Anywhere was better than here.  
Anything was better than this.  
The best moments of her life lately, were when Red Daughter came to visit her.  
It reminded her of the nice life she had with Kara.  
It was a blessing to look at Red Daughter’s beauty.  
It was also insanely cruel when she followed Lex his orders.

“Get up.” She insisted.  
Lena groaned as she tried to move.  
She rolled on her front and pushed herself up.  
Her arms were shaking.  
Her legs were trembling, unable to support the little weight she had left.

Strong hands stopped her from hitting the ground.  
Red Daughter wrapped an arm around her waist and ducked under Lena’s arm, making Lena’s arm rest around her neck.  
The warmth of her body felt like heaven to Lena.  
“You cannot travel like this.” Red Daughter noted.  
She lifted Lena up in her arms and carried her to a little roomlike cell.  
The walls were decorated with pictures of Kara, of Kara and Lena, of Kara and Alex…  
The walls were decorated with Kara’s life.  
Lena was put down on a matrass.  
She almost forgot what comfort felt like.

“Here, eat this.” Red Daughter helped her to sit up and fed her porridge.  
She also gave her something to drink and cleaned the infected wound on her cheekbone.

Red Daughter helped Lena into a plane and kept her company during flight.  
Or maybe she was guarding her.  
Lena decided it was company.

Lena was grateful for the help she received from Red Daughter in getting of the plane.  
She recognized the surroundings even though her vision was still blurry.  
They took her to the Luthor Mansion.

“For my sake, Lena… You can’t present yourself like this. Go get cleaned up. You know the way.”  
It was Lex’s idea of a warm welcome.

Red Daughter was by Lena’s side, ready to help her up the stairs.  
“Not you! I have a different assignment for you.” He called the Kryptonian back.  
“Eve can help my sister.” Eve was standing next to Lex.  
Eve, Lena’s assistant, she had grown fond off.  
Eve, a trusted friend.  
Eve, her secretary and later partner in the lab.  
Eve, with her bright mind and warm smile.  
Eve, who was standing at Lex his side.  
Eve… who had betrayed her.

“Wha- but mister Luthor I-” she started, clearly of no interest to help Lena with what so ever.  
“I will manage on my own, thank you.” Lena declined the offer with a sneer.  
She was a bit stronger thanks to the treatment Red Daughter gave her before they left.

She stumbled upon the staircase and into her old bedroom.  
The sight of it sickened her.  
It reminded her of all the lonely hours she spent here.

She passed the mirror and couldn’t help but to look at herself.  
The woman staring back at her was a stranger she had never seen before.  
She was just skin and bones.  
She was not pale, she was grey.  
A zombie would look more alive.

Lena could not afford to care.  
Her hate for Lex had grown beyond imagination.  
Her hate against the press, for writing bad things about Supergirl.  
Her hate against National City, for losing faith in Supergirl.  
Her hate against her mother, for taking L-Corp.

She hated Kara.  
Hated how she loved her.  
Hated how she missed her.  
Hated how she cared for her.  
Hated how she never came to her rescue.  
Hated how she left her alone.  
Hated how she forgot about her.  
She hated her beyond reasons.

She hated herself.  
Hated how she did not fight.  
Hated how she did not get out.  
Hated how she was so easily caught off guard and captured.  
Hated how she did not see this coming.  
Hated how she could not outsmart her brother.  
Hated how she accepted her fate.  
Hated how she loved.  
Hated how she hated.  
She hated it all.

At the dresser next to her, a miniature statue of the Venus de Milo, stood within her reach.  
With a brutal scream she threw it at the mirror, shattering it into pieces.

She could not bear to look at herself anymore.

Her body was trembling of exhaustion from throwing the statue.

She spent some time in her room.  
Getting a warm shower and cleansing herself from all the horrors she had endured.  
She drank a lot of water; she was so thirsty.

What the hell was Lex up to?  
Why the sudden change in treatment?  
It was not out of kindness; Lex wouldn’t even know the meaning of the word.

Lena decided to go along.  
If she would die…  
Well, no loss there.  
If she were to regain some of her strength, she might be able to destroy Lex.  
Get rid of him once and for all.  
Deliver the world from evil.

\-------------

The next couple of days she had the chance to become stronger.  
She ate.  
She rested.  
She cleaned herself.  
She became healthier.

The Luthor Mansion was luxurious, but it was still a prison.  
Lex had made sure of that.  
She was allowed in her own room including her bathroom.  
At the dinner table she was allowed only when Lex was present.  
If he wasn’t there, she would get her meals delivered to her room by some soulless guard.

\---------------

“Well, look who dug out of her grave?”  
Lena was greeted by her mother.

“I needed to make room for you.” She gave her mother a snarky smile.  
Lillian pulled her nose up and looked down on her daughter.  
“Now, now dear. No need to be so hostile. Let’s see what your brother is up to.”  
She offered Lena an arm.  
Lena walked past her, ignoring the offered arm.

They walked into the living room.  
The tv was showing a live report on Supergirl attacking the White House.

Lena was confused.  
Supergirl might have abandoned her, but attacking the White House is a whole different story.  
Unless…

“Red Daughter…” she whispered.  
“Clever.” She complimented Lex, who was showing the footage proudly.  
“Making the symbol of the goodness of Alien-kind look like the bad guy. As if she wasn’t dragged through the mud enough.” Lena concluded.  
Lex chuckled, “You seem to still care about the Kryptonian, little sis.”

Lena deadpanned.  
Suddenly everything felt cold and stiff.  
Lex walked up to her.  
“You know she never looked for you. She doesn’t care for you. She never has. If she had, she would have got you out of there. I did you a favour, my dear sister. I showed you who she truly is.”

His words cut into her already bleeding heart like a knife.  
“Now, now dear children. Play nicely. Lex, stop teasing your sister.” Lillian interrupted as if he had just thrown Lena’s teddy bear down the stairs.

\-------------------

The next day Supergirl had become enemy of the state number one.  
Lena saw the headlines on tv.  
There had to be something she could do.  
Kara might have not looked for her, that doesn’t mean Lena shouldn’t look for Kara.  
Supergirl did not attack the White House and no matter how much Kara had disappointed her, making her pay for someone else’s crimes was wrong.

With the little freedom she had, she explored all the possibilities to get out of the Mansion.  
She had not found one.  
Not yet.  
But with her mother around, she was allowed to have more freedom.  
Even when Red Daughter and Lex were not home.

She was allowed in the kitchen.  
Even though there was no gas or fire present in the room, creating a fire by messing with electricity was as easy to Lena as adding one and one.  
She figured the doors would unlock because of fire safety registrations.  
If not, she would die and that would be it.  
She would take her mother with her to her grave.  
That was also a favour she would do for the world.  
One last good deed.

The doors unlocked.  
Lena ran for the backdoor on the other side of the Mansion, since her mother, many guards and staff were at the front part of the house.  
She escaped the Mansion.  
Ran for the bushes as fast as she could.  
Ran for the trees.  
Ran towards the fence surrounding the yard.  
She had lost so much weight, she was able to slide between the bars even though she cut open her shoulder and thigh in the process.

It didn’t matter.  
She had been hurt worse.  
She was going to find Kara.  
She had to know, did Kara really not look for her?  
She had to know how Kara was doing.  
If Kara ever stopped looking, she had to know why? 

Lena stumbled and ran.  
Her body was so out of shape.  
She crossed the road and ran into the woods.  
She would have more shelter; it would be harder to spot her.  
Guards were already looking for her, she could hear their commands in the distance.

She couldn’t run far.  
Her body was to weak.  
Near the creek she stopped to catch her breath and clear her mind.

What the hell was she thinking?  
Did she think she could just run away?  
Find her way to Kara?  
And even if she did…  
Then what?

A sudden force yanked her from her spot.  
Up in the air.  
In the arms of the Kryptonian.  
A blonde Kryptonian who held her gentle. 

But which Kryptonian?  
Lena nuzzled against the woman.  
After Kara, Red Daughter was the kindest person she knew.  
She didn’t dare to hope it was her Supergirl.  
Lena couldn’t remember Kara’s scent.  
She didn’t know if Kara smelled like this.

“I’ve got you, Lena.” Was all the Kryptonian said.  
Her voice without an accent.  
Lena was still a little sceptical, but right now…  
This was the safest place she could be.  
In the arms of a blonde Kryptonian.

Lena’s mind was playing tricks on her.  
Her emotions were all over the place or nowhere to be found.  
She was either dead inside or hopeful.  
It was nice to feel hopeful, even if it was just for a little moment in time.  
It was the best feeling she had in a long time.  
Her mind was telling her it was all a trick.  
Paranoia was creeping up on her.  
A panic attack in mid air didn’t seem like such a good idea.  
She chose to be hopeful, even if it was all in vain.

She held on tight.  
Feeling the warm, muscular body against hers was delightful.  
She closed her eyes to enjoy this moment.

Even if she were to wake up in the pits of hell, this moment would have been heaven.

The moment she opened her eyes, she was in a cage with her hands tied together.  
This time outside at what seemed like an abandoned industrial island.  
“You… You are Red Daughter, aren’t you?” she asked the woman who was tying her knots.  
Remorseful she looked into her eyes “I’m sorry, Lena. I do care. But mister Alex says it’s for your own good.” Red Daughter explained.  
“Lex is lying… He is always lying. He is using you… Please…” her hands were able to get hold of one of Red Daughter’s. “You have a good heart, Red. Don’t let Lex trick you. I care for you.” And she did. Lena did care for Red Daughter.  
They locked eyes.  
Red Daughter sighed.  
She loosened the rope around Lena’s wrists, without saying anything about it.  
“I am sorry, I have to fight Supergirl. For you, my Lena.” She gave a quick peck on Lena’s lips and flew off, closing the cage behind her.  
“WAIT!” Lena screamed, but she was too far gone already.

Lena was getting herself out of the rope tied around her wrists.  
Two blurry figures shot through the sky.  
Both crashing down together.  
The impact into the ground made the earth tremble.

Lena could see one of them flew up and got shot by the lasers of the other, making the sky go dark.  
“Kara!” She screamed.  
The girl on the ground lost her focus, she searched for the source of the voice.  
“Lena?” Her voice was confused but hopeful.  
Red Daughter crashed into her neck with force.

O, crap.  
Heavy punches were shared.  
Lena had to get to Kara as soon as possible, if she wanted to see her alive.  
She undid her ties but the cage was still locked.

Kara was able to knock Red away.  
Making her speed over to Lena immediately.  
Finally, their eyes met again.  
Lena felt the strong connection the two of them shared.  
It was them against the world again.  
Kara ripped open the cage.  
She was yanked away from her spot and slung backwards by Red Daughter.

Red Daughter attacked.  
It was vicious.  
It was ruthless.  
It was heart breaking to watch.

The two persons Lena cared for the most were fighting till the death.

Kara was lying on the ground.  
Red Daughter kept throwing punches at her.  
Lena rushed over as fast as her legs could carry her.  
There was no room for her to jump in between, so she flung herself around Red Daughter.  
“Please, stop.” She begged.

Red Daughter froze.  
She leaned back; giving Lena room to get to Kara.  
Lena got between the two women.  
Kara was more dead than alive.  
“Lena, I have to destroy her or mister Alex will hurt you.” Red Daughter explained with panic in her voice.

For the first time in a long time Lena was scared again.  
Afraid to lose the woman she used to love.  
“You don’t have to be afraid of Lex. The three of us can take him… Easily. Please, Red… I love her.” She plead.  
Lena was keeping eye contact with Red Daughter.  
The Kryptonian took a deep breath, she looked at Kara and back at Lena.  
She gave Lena a nod and backed away.

Lena sighed in relief.  
She held Kara in her arms and put her focus on her lover.  
“Hey, darling. I missed you.” She smiled between her tears, stroking away a sting of hair from Kara’s face.  
“Hey, love… You’re skinny.” Kara frowned, but her eyes held so much love.  
Lena chuckled.  
“Yeah well, Lex held me captive for a while. If it wasn’t for Red, I would have starved a long time ago.”  
Kara looked over Lena’s shoulder at Red Daughter and smiled at her, mouthing ‘Thank you.’ 

Lena had to kiss her lips; she had been without them for too long.  
It didn’t matter that her lower lip was split open right now.  
She leaned in… 

“I told you to kill her!” the frustrated voice of the eldest Luthor sibling came from behind Red Daughter.  
She turned around and shielded the couple.  
“They are in love, mister Alex. You told me Supergirl was dangerous for Lena, but she protects her.” Her arms were spread wide.  
“Get out of the way my dear Red Daughter. I have a Kryptonian to kill.” He was deadpanned.  
Red Daughter got into fighting position, ready to charge at Lex.  
Kara was slowly regaining strength as Lena held her in her arms, close to her heart. 

“You forget one thing, Red Daughter… She is not the only Kryptonian I need to kill!” He pushed a button in his hand.  
It brought Red Daughter to her knees, gasping for air and groaning in pain.  
“Did you really think, I didn’t put a kill switch in that cute little outfit of yours?”  
Lena’s eyes grew wide as she saw Red’s skin light up green. “No.” she gasped.  
“Right now, your suit is filling itself with Kryptonite.” Lex laughed devilish.

Lena got over to Red Daughter as fast as she could and tried to get her out of the suit.  
It was already too late.  
She couldn’t breathe anymore.  
Her veins in her eyes held a green kryptonite glow as she looked into Lena’s eyes.  
“Thank you, Red.” Were Lena’s last words for Red Daughter before she vaporized into purple air.

The sky turned blue again.

Before Lena could blink her eyes, a green blast shot past her.  
She heard Kara scream.  
She turned her head and saw her lover crash into the cage behind her.

Kara groaned in pain as she tried to get up.  
Lena’s common sense stopped working.  
She attacked Lex with her bare hands.  
It was no match at all, as Lex was wearing the Lexosuit.

She was not able to hit him.  
He wrapped his hand around Lena’s neck and clenched her airway shut.  
She was lifted from the ground.  
“That is what you get for loving a Kryptonian, you fool!” his voice was filled with hate.  
He tossed Lena against the cage, landing next to Kara. 

Lena was having trouble breathing, but she couldn’t stay down.  
He was coming for Kara.

Lena reached for the rope, still inside the cage as Lex took another Kryptonite shot at Kara, who crumbled in pain.  
He laughed and put a leg on both sides of Supergirl’s hips.  
She was defenceless.  
He was recharging his suit.  
“Say hello to Krypton for me!” he planned them to be his final words for the last daughter of the dead planet.

Lena wrapped the rope around Lex his neck.  
She jumped on his back and pulled.  
She pulled with every force.  
She pulled with all her strength.  
She pulled with all her anger.  
She pulled with all her hurt.  
She pulled with all her hate.

He was struggling for a little while.  
He tried to get the rope of his neck, but Lena’s grip was too tight.  
His face was turning purple.  
He fell to his knees.  
Lena kept on pulling the rope around his neck until veins in his eyes popped.  
Until it was impossible for him to breathe again.  
She tied a knot to be sure.  
He fell face down in the mud.  
Lena stamped on the back of his head out of rage.

Kara was gasping and cringing.  
Lena took her in her arms.  
“I am here baby, I’m here.” She could not bear to lose her.  
Kara tried to talk, but no words escaped her lips.  
Her body was jerking.  
“Please Kara, please… I love you!” she kissed her head and held her close.  
A deep sigh was heard.  
Kara released all tension.  
Her body limps.

She suddenly felt a lot heavier in Lena’s arms.  
“No… no-no-no… No!” Lena knew what this meant, but she didn’t want it to be true.  
“You can’t do this to me, Kara.” She kissed Kara’s lips, without any response.  
Her lips were soft, softer than she ever felt.  
“No, Kara… Stay with me… You need to stay with me!” she became angry.  
This could not be happening.  
She turned to her knees and started CPR on her girlfriend.

She gave it all.  
She would have given Kara her last breath.  
But Kara did not take it.  
Lena went on with CPR, hoping for a miracle.  
But the miracle did not come.

After a long while of chest compressions and kisses of life, Lena collapsed of exhaustion.  
She collapsed unto a stiffening body.  
Warmth was flowing out of her girl.

“Kara, please? I had to miss you for too long.” Lena crawled against her.  
Nuzzled her face in her hair as if they were to spend a cosy night watching movies in bed.  
“You smell like my Kara.” She sobbed.  
“I remember.” She whimpered. 

The night was breaking.  
Lena was surrounded by death.  
Her lover, who she had missed so much, gave up on from time to time, she was lying dead in her arms.  
Behind her was her brother.  
Strangled by her own hands.

It wasn’t enough.  
Somewhere was her mother.  
Her mother deserved to die for taking L-Corp and mistreating her all her life.  
Somewhere was CatCo magazine.  
They deserved to die for abandoning Supergirl.  
Somewhere was National City…

Lena did not feel any warmth, joy nor love anymore.  
She did not feel sadness nor fear.  
Only hate was left.

Burning hate.  
A desire to kill all who wronged her.  
To kill all who wronged her loved ones.  
Revenge was hers.

She used her time to get the dead body of her brother out of the Lexosuit.  
It was hers now.  
And it would be put to good use.

Lena stepped into the cold body armour.  
The suit wrapped itself around her body.  
She straightened her back.  
Lena took a deep breath.

The suit smelled like death.

“Good!”

\-----------------------------------  
\-----------------------------------

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you all survive this emotional rollercoaster?  
> I hope you liked it.  
> I released my inner psycho for this chapter.  
> Let me know what you think of Lena’s memories from another Earth.  
> After this, I will continue with the storyline.


	20. Take us back to the start

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara and Lena conclude there is a lot they don’t know about each other.  
> Lena has many memories of her and Kara, but she shares just a small amount of them with her.  
> It might be a good idea to take a playful step back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry for the last chapter.  
> It was brutal.  
> I think we all deserve some TLC.
> 
> And a little making fun of…

The living room was filled with an impressive amount of silence.  
Thick sobs were a deafening contrast.  
Thick sobs pierced Kara’s ears.  
She was speechless.  
Words seemed out of place.  
Even soothing the shivering woman on the other end of the couch, seemed unfitting.

She wasn’t done talking, Kara could sense it.  
But how can you encourage a woman to speak about a traumatic life on another earth?  
Kara wanted Lena to get it all out of her system, but she dared not to speak.  
She was afraid it would close Lena up, pull up her defences.  
Lena was so vulnerable right now, so fragile and scared.

“I… I went on a killing spree, Kara.”  
She looked up to meet Kara’s eyes.  
Her red, watery eyes held so much remorse.  
“I killed them all.” She spoke between sobs, “My mother, for taking L-Corp. I destroyed CatCo and everybody inside for abandoning you. The DEO…. I couldn’t stop myself anymore. National City had to suffer... All of them. I took them down.”  
Lena was close to hyperventilating.  
“The… the worst part…” She gasped for air.  
This was Kara’s sign to get closer and calm her down.

She scooted over and took Lena’s hand in hers, rubbing her thumb over the back of Lena’s hand.  
“I… I get it Kara. I get why she did it. I get why I did it. And in those circumstances-”  
Kara pulled her into a hug.  
She didn’t want Lena to finish that sentence.  
She knew what Lena wanted to say, but she didn’t let her.  
“Don’t finish that sentence! Don’t you dare.” she spoke strictly “These are not the same circumstances. You won’t. Your heart is pure, warm, kind and loving. Do you hear me?”  
Lena didn’t answer, but she sunk into Kara’s embrace.  
“I need an answer, Lena. Did you hear what I just said?” Kara had to get a response from Lena.  
She had to know if Lena knew her heart was good.  
A small nod made Kara release a deep breath.  
“Good.” She sighed.  
Lena was squirming uncomfortably.  
“Please stay in my arms. I need to hold you, Lena.” Kara kissed Lena’s head and cradled her softly.

Lena was tense in her embrace.  
“It’s okay, Lee. Let it out. I’ve got you.” If Kara could only take her pain away…  
She was feeling so powerless.  
Lena had told her, before she started her story, she could feel the pain of the other Earth’s Lena.  
This must be tearing her apart.

Oh Rao, this is awful.

A small voice found its way out of the broken woman.  
“Are you… scared of me… now?” her voice was trembling.  
Kara cupped Lena’s face.  
Lena had to see the truth in her eyes as she answered.  
Their eyes found each other.

“My dear, sweet Lena. I can’t imagine what you have been trough. I am so sorry, this happened to you. Look at me and listen carefully: Nothing could make me fear you! … I love you… And I trust you! Keep that in mind, okay?” Kara nodded herself, as she repeated “Okay?”  
Lena nodded as her body softened in Kara’s arms. “Okay.” Her voice was small.  
“Okay.” Kara confirmed once more.

It didn’t take Lena long after that to fully break down.  
Cry it all out.  
Shaking uncontrollably.

For Kara, this was heart-breaking.  
Lena was mourning the pain of another life.  
She needed to get it out.  
Kara didn’t want her to hold anything back.  
She caressed her with all the love she could give.

Kara shed some tears herself, for the woman she loved.

\---------

“So, the syringe was meant to kill all your other Lena’s?” Kara asked as she was pouring in red wine for the both of them.  
A lot of tears had been spilled.  
Lena cried them out of her system, for now.  
“Yes, it was. Luckily, you saved me or you would have been stuck with a very pissed version of me.” She answered as she took over the glass Kara offered her.  
“Do you think it would have worked?” Kara asked as she sat down next to her friend… girl… girlfriend… wife. She really needed to clarify that.

Lena shrug her shoulders “I think it was a fifty-fifty chance. It would have worked or I would have died. That version of me didn’t care anymore. The chances were win-win for her.”  
Kara had to process that information.  
Had she been a little bit later, the best scenario was a very pissed Lena who had passed the point of no return.  
“Cheers, to a better life.” Lena tapped Kara’s glass with her own.  
It got Kara out of her head and she looked into those loving green eyes.  
“To a better life.” She smiled.

“It’s weird where we are right now, isn’t it?” Lena asked while sipping her wine.  
Kara had an idea, but she had to ask, “What do you mean?” for clarification.  
Lena pointed her gaze at the wedding canvas above the fire place.  
“Well… we are married, but we’re not. We are in a relationship, but we are not. We have been together and we have never been together… What are we now and where do we stand?” she wondered.  
Kara had trouble forming a clear answer. The question was more complicated than it should have been in normal circumstances. Nothing about this was normal.  
“I… I don’t know. I think it’s different for me than it is for you.” she answered in all honesty.  
“That is why I am asking you.” Lena took another sip before putting her glass down.  
“Look Kara, I have memories from all our Earths together. Bad times but also very good ones. I did merry you and it was a wonderful and lovely day, you were so incredibly beautiful…” she bit her lip before she continued: “I’ve had all our first times with you. Even our fights and our make ups afterwards.” A blush appeared on her cheeks. “We bought this house together. We decorated it. You convinced me to get that stupid pool, helped me over my fear of water and taught me to swim…”  
“I didn’t know you feared the water.” Kara frowned her brows.  
“My mother drowned before my eyes and… you and me never talked about this.” Lena concluded.  
Kara’s jaw dropped as she shook her head, “I’m sorry.”  
Lena smiled, “That is what I mean. I have all these memories of us together and you don’t share them with me.”  
Lena took Kara’s hands in hers.  
“I want memories with you, Kara. Together!” Lena looked deep into Kara’s eyes.  
Kara was mesmerized by Lena’s loving gaze.  
She was so soft and sweet.  
Her words spoke straight from her heart; Kara could feel it.  
“And I would rather experience everything all over again, than keep one memory to myself.”  
Lena swallowed her nerves.  
Kara could feel her squeeze her hands. She squeezed back in encouragement and gave Lena her softest smile.  
Lena’s heart was racing.  
Rao, she was so sweet.  
“Kara? I would like to take us back to the start. So… My dear, sweet Kara, would you go on a date with me?” Lena’s voice was trembling with nerves.  
She was so endearing.  
Kara grinned.  
Lena’s heart was pounding so fast.

“I would love to, Lena. But…” Kara could see Lena’s eyes change from hopeful to insecure, “I’m married.” She laughed.  
Lena let go of her hands and pushed her playfully, “Shut up, you f*cking piece of sh*t!”  
It only made Kara laugh louder.  
Lena had turned around and crossed her arms in front of her chest.  
She wasn’t offended, Kara was sure of it. She was joking along.  
Kara moved over and sat on her knees behind Lena.  
She wrapped her arms around Lena’s neck, crossing her arms in front of her chest and kissed her cheek, “I would love to go on a date with you, silly.”

Lena giggled and shifted so her back was resting against the back of the couch.  
Kara swung her leg over Lena’s and rested both her knees at a side of Lena’s tights.  
The brunette was flustered. She placed her hands at Kara’s hips.  
“Just to be clear… We’ve had our first kiss, right?” Kara asked with a cheeky smile while resting her hands behind Lena’s neck.  
Lena quirked one eyebrow, “Are you sure of that, miss Danvers? Or do you want a do-over?” she smirked.  
Kara leaned in, “If we are going to start over, shouldn’t we do it all over again.” Her mouth gaped as she approached Lena’s.  
“Shouldn’t we save this for our first date?” Lena asked breathy as their lips almost met.  
“Oh Rao, no!” were Kara’s last words before she closed the gap between them.  
The kiss quickly became more heated.  
Kara could feel her heartbeat rise as their contact intensified.  
Her hands got tangled in Lena’s hair, she longed to be tangled with her in many more ways.  
Lena was so intoxicating.

Lena took a firm grip on her hips and let her thumbs glide over Kara’s hipbones.  
Kara’s hips rolled into Lena’s lap uncontrollably. “Oh Rao!”  
She jumped of Lena and took a step back, one hand covering her mouth the other placed on her chest.  
Her breath was wild as her heartbeat pounded strong in her chest.  
Lena’s heart was beating in sync with hers, just as powerful.  
“Too fast?” Lena asked panting.  
Kara nodded, “I need a cold shower.”  
She speeded off to the bathroom, lay down clean clothes and towels.  
But she couldn’t hop under yet.  
Her speed brought her back downstairs in a heartbeat, to steal another kiss from the woman she would date the next day.  
This time it was less heated.  
The kiss was softer and more loving.  
She took Lena by surprise, but she didn’t seem to mind at all.  
She smiled at her as they parted.  
“I like you, Lena Luthor.”  
Lena smiled back at her. “Hurry up with that shower, I need it too!” Lena scrunched her nose.  
Kara chuckled as she placed a small kiss on her nose.  
Lena’s fast beating heart couldn’t cover up why she needed that shower so badly.

\------------

Kara was cleaning up the living room and gathering her stuff.  
She was excited about starting a relationship with Lena.  
Taking it back to the start.  
Stepping into a relationship halfway was confusing and difficult.  
It was hard for Kara to keep up.  
On the other hand, it made her realise her feelings for Lena were more than just a friendship.  
Maybe everything turned out for the better this way.

Lena came down in an oversized shirt and boxer shorts.  
She was drying her hair with a towel as she entered the room.

Kara froze on the spot, mesmerized by the beauty in front of her.  
This woman is so gorgeous, how could she not have noticed this before the crisis?  
She smiled satisfied at her raven haired, pale skinned friend.

Lena got a confused look on her face.  
“Are you leaving?” she asked pointing her gaze at Kara’s coat draped over the back of the couch.  
Kara shook herself out of her enchantment.  
“Uh, what? … O, yeah… right. Since we are going back to the start, I thought I should go back to my apartment and we’ll see where it goes from there.” She winked at Lena.

“Oh… Yes of course.” Lena swallowed visibly.  
Kara could see her body stiffening.  
Was it really such a good idea to leave Lena alone right now?  
“Are you okay, Lena?” Kara got over to her and touched her arm.  
Lena was tense “Y-Yeah, I’m fine… You should go, you’re right.” She nodded to give power to her words, but her voice was trembling.  
Kara took her coat in her arms. “Okay… You can always call me and I will be here in a jiffy.” Even the word ‘jiffy’ didn’t lighten the mood.  
Kara passed Lena, but a hand got hold of her wrist.

“Actually… Friends do have sleep overs, don’t they?” Lena asked softly.  
Kara knew something was behind this behaviour. It didn’t really matter to her, Lena clearly needed her.  
She nodded with a comforting smile and spread her arms so Lena could find safety in her.  
Lena gladly took the offer and nuzzled herself in Kara’s arms.  
“But no funny business!” Kara joked.  
Lena chuckled.  
“Thank you.”

\-------------

Kara felt nervous, lying beside Lena in their bed.  
The bed was big enough to keep a safe distance, but still.  
She didn’t want to rush this with Lena, even though some part of her wanted it all.  
Lena knew so much of her in all different lives, some of it might not be true on this earth.  
She knew only the things from her previous Earth and the little things Lena told her.

“Lena?” a small humming sound was the sign to continue “Why did you want me to stay?” Kara wondered out loud.  
“You know why.” She whispered.  
“I want to hear you say it.” Kara searched beneath the blanket for Lena’s hand. Both women where lying on their back. Kara found her hand and squeezed it in encouragement.  
“Because… I’m scared.” She took a firm grip on Kara’s hand. “Tomorrow, J’onn will help me. But tonight… I don’t want her to come back. I think I’ve got her under control now… but still… She scares me so.”  
Kara soothed the back of her hand with her thumb.  
“You are strong, Lena. The strongest. And if you slip… I am here.” She promised.

Kara was slumbering into her dreamworld when she was pulled back by Lena’s words.  
“Kara… Kara…” Lena was drawing her attention.  
“Hmmm?” Kara was to far of to open her mouth for a proper answer.  
“I can’t sleep.” Lena whined.  
“That’s to bad.” Kara mumbled.  
“So… since this is a sleepover between friends… We should talk about everything and nothing, right.” Her voice just above a whisper.  
“I guess.” Kara answered sleepy.

Lena started giggling.  
Kara opened one eye, “What?” she mumbled.  
“So, I heard this rumour you’re straight…” Lena chuckled.  
“Whaaaat? Where did you get that?” Kara scoffed at the assumption.  
“Some people say: ‘Supergirl is straight, she has always been straight and always will be.’ The internet if full of it.” Lena used a deeper, almost grumbling voice for the internet implication.  
She made Kara laugh.  
“Well, Kryptonians are never straight to be clear. We fall in love with a soul, the gender doesn’t matter. It could be anybody. It is more common for opposite genders to attract, but the gender of a previous love doesn’t tell anything about the gender of the next love. Or true love.” Kara could feel an excitement in her stomach as she talked about her Kryptonian heritage. A happy glow flow through her body.  
“Really? I didn’t know that… I think that is beautiful.”  
Kara smiled at the compliment.

“Okay… so we are talking rumours.” Kara started.  
“Bring it on!” Lena dared her.  
“You and Andrea?” Kara went straight for it.  
“What about me and Andrea?” Lena asked dumbfounded.  
“Rumour has it… the two of you used to be a thing.” Suddenly Kara wasn’t so sure about her question anymore, until she heard Lena chuckle.  
“Are you sure you want to know?” Lena asked.  
Kara thought about it for a moment, “No… but tell me anyway.”  
“Fine, I’ll leave out the details… We used to be good friends. The kind of bff’s you never see without each other. She taught me to drink actually… And that is how we became bff’s with benefits, I guess. It was all fun and games, I didn’t think it was anything romantic. Until I realized I became jealous of her seducers. We had a fight about it. She admitted she had feelings for me, but got irritated by the male attention I got, so she wanted to make me jealous… I didn’t even notice I had admirers… We were a couple during boarding school. But we wouldn’t have worked as lovers for the long run. It was fun while it lasted. We stayed friends for a while, even though our ways parted.” Lena explained.  
“How is that; not giving me details?!” Kara raised her voice a little, even though she didn’t intent to.  
“Well, I didn’t tell you what we used to do with each other, did I?” Lena laughed.  
“O, shut it!” Kara gave Lena a playful, but gentle push against her arm, rolling her body to the side with her back towards Kara.  
Lena shook with laughter.  
Kara couldn’t help but smile at the sound of joy next to her. To Kara, Lena’s laughter was the best sound in the world.

Kara rolled on her side, facing Lena’s back.  
She placed one hand between her shoulder blades, feeling her body aftershock from the joy she expressed earlier.  
“Speaking of shutting it… You swear more than the Lena from my Earth. Where is that coming from.”  
She gently stroked Lena’s back.  
“O that’s right. I didn’t realise I did that more to be honest… Well, I think it’s from an Earth where my mother didn’t die when I was four.” Lena began her story.  
“She didn’t? … How as that for you?” Kara scooted over to get closer to Lena.  
Lena shrug, “I remember more about what she was like and that is nice. She was a kind, loving and warm woman.”  
“She sounds like you. Can I put my arm around you?” “Yeah, sure.” “So, what happened?” Kara asked as she let her arm slide over Lena’s waist, until she was wrapped around her.  
“Lillian happened. That woman found out about my father’s love child and convinced my mother we should move far away. I grew up in Ireland. When I was ten years old, my mother killed herself anyway and I was shipped to family in Great-Britain. I went to a boarding school there and when I was old enough, I needed to move again. I felt restless. I moved to Australia and went to law school… I think I got my interest for science from the Luthors… Anyway, somewhere along the way I became a swearing truth bomb.” Lena ended her story there.  
Kara nuzzled herself against Lena and placed a kiss on her shoulder.  
“I’m sorry, I didn’t know your mom killed herself.” Kara’s voice was soft and empathic.  
Lena took the hand that was wrapped around her in her hand.  
“I don’t know if she killed herself on every earth. Maybe it was an accident, I don’t know. I mostly remember seeing her drown. I was so little.” She sighed.  
“Lee, I’m so sorry.” Kara squeezed Lena gently against her.  
Lena wiggled herself more against the woman behind her, making their body’s fit together like a puzzle.  
“You smell good, Lena.” Kara noticed. She could feel Lena’s tension fade away with that compliment.  
“You know, you smell the same on every Earth.” Kara could hear Lena slumbering in.  
“I love your scent.” Lena mumbled.  
The steady heartbeat and deep breaths were like calming music to Kara’s ears.

Kara knew, this wasn’t how normal friends slept at a slumber party.  
But nothing about her friendship with Lena was normal.  
And she liked it this way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like comments.  
> So, please...  
> Don't be shy 😊


	21. Supergirl's worst pickup line

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara gets enchanted by Lena and forgets to listen to what she is saying.  
> When Myriad comes up, things get tensed between the two women.  
> Are Lena and Kara too broken for repair?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That took a lot longer than all my other chapters.  
> Life happened and I suffered from a small lack of motivation.  
> I think I’m back now.  
> I hope you'll enjoy this chapter.  
> Let me know what you think at the comment section.

If it wasn’t for her Kryptonian cells, her arm would surely be numb with Lena resting her head on her shoulder.  
During the night, Kara had rolled herself on her back.  
Lena must have followed her movement, she was curled up against her.  
Kara took a deep breath as she praised herself lucky with this warm, beautiful body resting against hers.  
“Good morning, sunshine.” A low, raspy voice welcomed her into the morning.  
She could not hide her teeth thanks to the smile caused by the greeting.  
Kara rested her cheek against the dark hair.  
“Good morning, beautiful. So much for ‘starting from the beginning’ huh?” she giggled.  
The grip around her waist tightened as Lena let out a little moan.  
“After J’onn helps me, okay? Let me enjoy this moment a little longer, please.” She nuzzled even closer, placing a kiss on Kara’s collarbone and resting her face against the Kryptonian neck.  
Kara could feel her hot breath on her skin. The feeling made her heart beat faster and send a shiver down her spine.  
She wrapped her arms around Lena and squeezed her gently.  
“Yeah, after this afternoon we are going to make our own memories. I’m going to be nervous for our first date. I will try on every outfit from my rack, the whole shebang.” Kara chuckled.  
Lena lifted her head up to meet Kara’s eyes.  
“Did you just say ‘shebang’? … You dork!” Her eyes sparkled adoration.  
“Kara? … I want to take you out on a date tonight. I can’t really wait any longer. Is… that okay?” her last words sounded shy; Kara thought she was adorable with the slight blush on her pale skinned face.  
“Aren’t you supposed to design something to save the world?” Kara would love to go, but people were hurting like Lena is and her genius could help so many.

Without any warning, Lena pushed herself away from Kara.  
She got out of bed and started dressing herself.  
“You are right. I already have a few ideas. Can you ask J’onn to come meet me at the DEO? I’ll test some of my theories after he helped me. In fact, I think he can help me... I was able to reproduce Malefic’s Q-waves by-”  
Kara had sparked a fire in Lena. She was still talking, but Kara didn’t register the exact words anymore. The power and passion Lena radiated was enchanting. Kara couldn’t keep her eyes of that burning force of nature, who made herself look stunning in a few moments of time, while still talking about her brain wave theories.  
To Kara, this was pure beauty.  
Lena in her bedroom, having a stroke of genius, passionately rambling while preforming a reverse striptease.  
Kara could get used to this.

Lena’s pace slowed, her voice got softer and she seemed to choose her words with more care.  
“-I mean… it makes sense, right? What do you think?” She stopped to look at Kara with big, questioning eyes.  
“Eeh… Yeah, sounds like a good idea.” She bluffed, hoping she was giving the right answer to the question that completely passed her by.  
Lena seemed disappointed.  
She sighed and dropped her gaze to the floor.  
“You’re right… I’ll call the real estate agency next week. First saving the world than selling the house.” She shrugs and pulled herself back together, heading downstairs.

Kara was struck with confusion.  
How did she get from saving the world with complex theories to selling the house?  
This wasn’t what she wanted.

Kara used her speed to get downstairs before Lena.  
“WAIT!” she shouted standing in front of the fully dressed CEO.  
Lena pulled up an eyebrow.  
“You are standing at the bottom of the staircase; I can’t even pass by you. Where do you think I would go?” she scoffed.  
Kara pulled her lips into a thin line before she spoke, “I misunderstood… I don’t want to sell the house. Why would you want to sell the house?”  
Lena continued walking down “I told you. If we want to start over it would make sense…” Kara made room for her to pass as Lena walked through the house to the kitchen. “I bought this house with the Kara I married and that is not you. It wouldn’t be fair to you.” She continued explaining.  
Kara followed her around. Her stomach dropped as sadness overtook her emotions, “But… but…”  
Lena turned around to meet desperate blue eyes, “I like this house. It feels like home.” Kara noticed how childish her voice sounded. She didn’t really care, she felt like a little child about to lose her favourite stuffed animal.  
Lena smiled, “We don’t have to sell the house.” She started making herself breakfast and continued talking. “I still own the penthouse. I can go back there. We’ll see how it works out. We don’t have to rush things. Do you want pancakes?” she was like a well-oiled machine, getting herself ready in the morning.  
Kara couldn’t help but being awestruck by her again.  
Lena had calmed her down. No selling the house. Kara rested her elbows on the counter and held her head in the palm of her hands. She observed how Lena rushed around the kitchen, making them both breakfasts. She was still rambling on. Back to her brain saving theory, Kara had picked up between all the words.  
Watching Lena gave Kara way too much peace of mind to pay attention to what she was saying.

Lena put a plate full of pancakes in front of Kara, “…by using Myriad I can reach large groups of people on earth at once. That should work.”  
Kara froze “Hold up. Myriad? You want to use Myriad? … Again?” A panic creeped up on her. She remembered how Non and her aunt Astra mind controlled human kind. How she witnessed the population of National City walking the streets like sheep.  
“No… I won’t allow it! You cannot use Myriad.” She made herself clear to Lena.  
Lena straightened her back. She got in full business mode as she turned to Kara.  
“Do you want me to help people with their f*cked up minds or not?” her voice was chillingly cold.  
Kara balled her fists, “Think of something else, but not Myriad! It is designed for mind control.”  
The thought of what happened with Myriad fired her up.  
Lena crossed her arms in front of her chest, going into her defence mode.  
“Myriad was used for mind control. The device itself has more possibilities.” Lena explained in a low and controlled voice.  
“What is it with you and Myriad? We were able to stop you before crisis; don’t think I will let you use it again!” Kara lashed out. She lashed out so much harder than she was supposed to.  
But this was Myriad they were talking about.  
Nothing good could come from Myriad.

Lena’s mouth was slightly open.  
Her eyes showed hurt.  
She had taken a step back from Kara.  
Her arms had dropped defeat.  
She swallowed and clenched her jaw;  
“You never asked me what I was going to do. You just assumed I was a villain. Even now… You still think I’m a villain.” Her voice cracked.  
It hit Kara how much she had hurt Lena with her words.  
“Lena, I… I didn’t mean to hurt you.” Kara forced herself to calm down.  
Lena had balled her fists and dropped her gaze.  
The strong CEO look was cracking.  
Kara continued, “But you can’t use Myriad. End of discussion. It-”  
“Stop it.” Tears welled up in Lena’s eyes.  
She searched for her calm posture again.  
“I… am going to the… DEO now. And you… will not… lecture me!” Her voice was trembling, as was her lower lip. She spoke slow.  
“I am good, Kara… Clearly, you still don’t trust me.”  
The look in Lena’s eyes pierced into Kara’s soul, this time not in a good way.

Before Kara could process what had just happened, Lena slammed the front door on her way out.

Kara was glued to her stool at the counter.  
What else could Myriad be used for?  
Lena is not evil; she is sure of that.  
But using Myriad is a bad decision.  
She was not going to let Lena make such a bad decision.

\--------------------------------------------

The wind in her hair and the freedom of flying always helped Kara to clear her mind.  
Lena was so perfect this morning.  
So beautiful.  
Why Myriad?  
Why?

Myriad is pure evil.  
Lena was using it before crisis.  
But she was right…  
Kara never asked her what she was planning to do with it.  
Before crisis, Lena had claimed she was using it for good.  
Lena could keep secrets.  
Lena could decide not to tell specifics.  
But Lena had always aimed to be good.  
It had always been her main goal in life.  
In every life, so it seemed…

Kara assumed Lena was going to use Myriad for evil, like Myriad was used before.  
Rao… why didn’t she ask?  
Could it be used for good?  
There has to be another way than Myriad.  
And Lena simply had to find it.  
She is smart.  
She will think of something.

Kara had faith in Lena.

\--------------------------------------------

Supergirl landed on the balcony of the DEO.  
She was feeling a bit nervous.  
She lashed out at Lena and she had to face her again.  
Assure her she trusts her.

“Hey, there you are. J’onn and Lena are at L-Corp, working on saving the world.” Alex informed Kara as soon as they met.  
They walked in together.  
“Did she ask for Myriad?” Kara asked firm.  
“Wh- No, she did not.” Alex looked a bit confused by the sudden question.  
“Okay, good.” Kara sighed.  
Alex touched her arm, “Are you going to tell me what’s going on?”

Kara placed her hands on her hips and dropped her head backwards.  
She let out a fair amount of air through her nose.  
“Kara?” Alex stood in front of her sister with a worried expression on her face.  
Kara bit her lip and swung her head forward.  
“I… I think Lena is making a big mistake.” All Kara’s emotions from before had turned into sadness.  
“I don’t want to lose her again, Alex.”  
Alex crossed her arms in front of her chest and leaned her back against the wall.  
“Tell me what happened.”

Kara explained about Myriad and her fears and thoughts with it.  
Alex waited patiently until Kara was done talking.

“Do you trust her?” Alex simply asked.  
Kara sighed, “I don’t trust Myriad.”  
“Not my question! Do you trust Lena?” Alex asked again.  
“I do.”

Alex placed her hands on her sister’s shoulders, “Then support her.”  
Kara frowned her brows, “But Myriad-”  
“If you have questions about Myriad, ask her. Don’t assume anything. Let her convince you.” Alex interrupted.  
Shoulders dropped as Kara bit her lower lip.  
She took a moment to let her sister’s words sink in.  
“She told me that this morning. I was assuming she was a villain…” Kara searched for Alex’s eyes, “I never thought she was a villain… Oh Rao, she thinks I think she’s a villain.”  
Alex clenched her jaw and pulled her head back “Eww, auwts.”  
“Oh no Alex, do you think I messed up?” Kara could feel panic rising.  
Alex nodded, “You did, big time.”  
“Alex… you should be comforting me.” Kara nearly begged her sister.  
“And you should go and make sure Lena knows you do trust her. Any idea how?”

Kara’s brain was spinning.  
How could she prove to Lena she trusts her after this morning?  
It struck her suddenly:  
“Myriad!” Kara smiled at her own genius.  
“Thanks Alex.” She hugged her sister and rushed off.

\------------------

Eve let Kara into Lena’s lab.  
She was nervous, but determined to make this all right again.

“Your mind is still clouded, Lena. Are you sure you don’t want me to help you focus?” Kara overheard J’onn’s deep voice trying to convince Lena into his treatment.  
Clearly, she didn’t let him yet.  
“No, not yet. I can do this. I just have to figure some things out before. It’s not important.” Lena sounded stressed.  
Kara slowly walked in. She had to find the best timing to interrupt.  
“You know I’m a mind-reader, right?” J’onn reminded her.  
“Don’t you dear read my mind.” Lena threatened him with a cold and calm tone.  
“I couldn’t even if I tried. There is so much going on in your mind, I’m surprised you haven’t gone insane, let alone function.” His words hit Kara like a punch in her guts.  
She knew Lena was having a rough time, but if even J’onn couldn’t read her mind, she was in a bad shape.  
“That will be all minster J’onzz, you can leave. My assistant will be in contact with you when I’m in need of your assistance.” Lena didn’t give him a look as she send him off.  
Kara had just passed a point where she could see them both.

Lena was leaning with her hands on her counter.  
Her whole body showed tension.  
Her head dropped down.

J’onn passed Kara on his way out, he mouthed ‘good luck’ to her.  
It didn’t make Kara feel better.  
She shuffled forward, looking for the right words.

“What do you want Kara?” Lena sighed.  
She sounded tired.  
Kara froze at the spot.

“I… I…” she stammered.  
Lena turned around to face Kara, she leaned her back against the counter and crossed her arms in front of her chest.  
“Let me guess… You came to tell me I should not use Myriad. I’m going on a dark pad if I use it.” She raised her eyebrow like she was daring Kara.  
“Actually…” Kara put her hand in her bag, “I’m here to bring you Myriad.” She pulled it out and presented it to Lena.  
It still felt weird to hold Myriad like that.

Lena tilted her head; her mouth opened a little in surprise.

“I do trust you, Lena. I have a problem with Myriad, not with you. Myriad was used by a villain. But in your hands… I trust you will find a way to do good with it.”  
Kara could feel her heart racing.  
Lena’s heart was also pounding louder, she could hear that, it had even skipped a beat.

Lena lowered her arms and rested her hands on the counter behind her.  
Her face showed confusion.

Kara placed Myriad on a counter beside her and continued, “I… I shouldn’t have reacted so strongly this morning. Myriad scares me. I’m sorry it made you feel like I didn’t trust you.”  
Kara dropped her head, she had to escape those green eyes for a moment.  
“I… I can react on pure emotion, because I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders. I shouldn’t have assumed you were going to use it like it was used before.” She searched for those ocean green eyes again.  
“I panicked and I’m sorry.” Kara swallowed a lump in her throat.

Lena’s lower lip was trembling and her eyes were watery.  
She pressed her lips together and nodded.

“Can you please explain me what you are going to do with it? I want to understand… I think it will ease my mind.” Kara asked careful.

Lena squinted her eyes and shook her head.  
“Ah… Yeah… Yes of course.” She gestured Kara to come over and turned to her computer on the counter.

Kara didn’t hesitate.  
She was standing next to Lena before her friend could even touch her equipment.  
Lena started to explain. Kara scooted closer until they were nearly touching.  
The blonde got where Lena was going with her thoughts on how to use Myriad for good.  
Suddenly Lena stopped mid-sentence and swallowed.  
Kara could feel Lena leaning in against her.  
She took it as an opportunity to grab hold of Lena’s hand and use her other hand to gently stroke her upper arm.

Lena sighed.  
Kara saw a smile appearing on her face.  
Her whole body seemed to relax at Kara’s touch.  
A small blush even appeared on her cheeks.  
Kara found it adorable. It made her smile as well.

\---------------------------------- 

Kara assisted Lena in her lab.  
She genuinely wanted to know what her girl was doing.

“It’s nice to see a genius working.” She teased her.  
“Shut up.” Lena quirked a smile without looking up from her work. 

“There! All ready to fire away.” Lena said with pride as she slammed the last button and turned around to show Kara her widest smile.  
Kara couldn’t withstand her. She swung her arms around Lena’s waist, lifted her off the ground and twirled her around.  
Lena squeaked with laughter, “Put me down, put me down.”

When Kara stopped spinning, Lena seemed to notice they were levitating.  
“Wow.” She wrapped her arms around Kara’s neck giggling. “I didn’t notice we were flying.” She smiled.  
“What can I say? You lift me up, babe.” Kara chuckled.  
Lena raised her eyebrow, “What is this? Supergirl’s worst pick-up line?”  
“What?” Kara gently landed them both on the floor, “It wasn’t that bad, was it?”  
Lena nodded “It was.” She answered playfully. “I dare you to do worse.”  
They let go of each other so Lena could clean up her lab.  
“What? No, I can’t think if anything worse.”  
“See! That’s how bad it was.” Lena treated Kara her cocky grin.  
“You tricked me!” Kara acted shocked, but she felt her entire body tingle with joy.  
“It was as easy as taking candy from a baby.” Lena teased.  
Kara pouted, “You can’t take candy from a baby, that’s mean.”  
“No! Giving candy to a baby is mean. Baby’s shouldn’t have candy.” Lena answered without missing a beat.  
Kara loved her wit. She was so sharp.

She stared at Lena as she was putting Myriad away in a fault.  
Kara remembered J’onn’s words from before.  
It was hard to believe her head was such a mess.  
She seemed so complete.  
So perfect.

“Lee… You didn’t let J’onn help you this morning?” Kara asked as they walked out of the lab.  
Lena seemed to think it over before she answered, “I didn’t know what I wanted after this morning.”  
She stopped her pace, “Kara… you told me you can act on pure emotion because you feel the world on your shoulders. It makes you lash out at me. I don’t deserve that! But you don’t carry the world alone… You have me, now.”  
Lena took Kara’s hands into her own.  
She searched for eye contact, “Please, Kara. Let us carry this world together. Don’t assume anything! If you really trust me, act like it: When you are scared, just tell me and I will comfort you. When you have questions, ask them and I will explain. When in doubt, tell me and we will figure this out… We are in this together!” 

Kara nodded.  
“El Mayarah.” She whispered.  
Lena placed her forehead against Kara’s, “Stronger together!” She completed.  
Kara could feel her face heating up. It was nice to share this with Lena.  
She leaned in to kiss Lena, who took the offer with love.

“So, you are going to let J’onn help you now?” Kara reminded Lena.  
“Ulg, I don’t like that man.” Lena confessed.  
It surprised the Kryptonian, “How can you not like J’onn?”  
“He explains things to me like I’m an unknowing fool and he has all the wisdom in the universe. I don’t like it when people talk to me that way. I am brilliant.” Lena grunted.  
Kara laughed, “That sounds like J’onn indeed. Well… he is a father figure.”  
“Not my father figure.” Lena snapped.  
“Okay, not your father figure… But he is mine. So, when we get married again… He will be some sort of father in law to you.” Kara teased.  
Lena clenched her jaw and tilted her head “Maybe, we shouldn’t get married in this universe.” She pulled her nose up, making it clear to Kara she was joking.  
“You’re evil.” Kara laughed.  
“Yeah well… sometimes my Luthor genes shine through.” 

Kara wrapped her arm Lena’s shoulders.  
“Rao, I love you.”  
“Well, you should go tell Rao that.” Lena petted Kara at her chest, “I’m going to J’onn now. I’ll pick you up at your apartment around seven. Be ready and be nervous!”


	22. The Amazing World Saviour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s date night.  
> But did Lena get her mind at peace?  
> What Lena will come to their date?  
> How does a date work again?  
> What to wear?
> 
> This story will come to a conclusion.

Her loft was a mess.  
Picking out the right outfit seemed harder than fighting a dragon.  
Her clothing was spread all over her bedroom.  
She had tried on several outfits already.  
In a hot pink dress, she sat down at the edge of her bed.  
Help would arrive soon.

She took the moment to breathe.  
Her house felt strange.  
Distant would probably be the best word to describe it.  
She had only spent a couple of hours back at her own place, but she already missed her home with Lena in the suburbs.

It was exciting to start a relationship with Lena from the beginning, but also scary.  
Lena had been helped by J’onn after they talked things through.  
She didn’t receive a text, phone call or any other sign of life ever since.  
What if something went wrong with her memory?  
Oh Rao, what if he could only keep the bad memories.  
What if she doesn’t remember her anymore?  
What if she hates her again?  
What if she forgot their date?  
What if she doesn’t want to date anymore?  
What if-

“Thank Rao!”  
A knock on the door saved her from a further derailment of negative thoughts.  
Alex walked right in.  
“What is the emergency?” she asked rushed.

Kara gestured at her outfit: “Should I go with this dress?”  
“What? That dress is okay, why bother me with that?” she asked annoyed.  
“Okay isn’t good enough, Alex. This is my first date with Lena. We are talking about Lena, it has to be perfect, I have to be perfect!” nerves creeped up on Kara.  
“Kara, breathe. Always go with blue, it’s your colour. You know this!” Alex sighed.  
“Right.” Kara changed using her superspeed. She showed Alex two different blue outfits. A cobalt blue dress fit for a special occasion and a nice shirt for a more casual mood.  
“Dress!” the sisters agreed simultaneously.

Kara finally took a moment to breathe and watched her sister as she thanked her.  
“Wait… You look stunning. Why do you look so pretty?” Kara noticed.  
“Thank you for noticing. You are not the only one with a date and I wasn’t finished getting myself ready. Look at my hair.” She pointed at her hair, which seemed totally fine to Kara.  
Kara smiled at her sister. “Let me help you with that. What is the problem?” 

The sisters spend all available preparation time together to help and criticize each other.

“So, is Kelly convinced you are the one for her?” Kara asked while taking a sip of her wine.  
“Not convinced. But I think she is leaning towards me.” Alex was carefully optimistic.  
“What makes you think that?” Kara asked.  
“Well… she let it slip that being with me was so easy. Much easier and safer than with anyone else.” Alex blushed.  
Kara jumped up, “Alex, that’s great! She is so going to fall in love with you. You will be a couple again before you know it.”  
The older Danvers chuckled bashful.  
“We are not there yet. But I dare to be hopeful.” Alex’s cheeks were red as she smiled.

“Enough about me, where are you going on your date?” Alex asked.  
“I… I don’t know. Lena is going to pick me up in a halve hour.” Kara sighed deep.  
“I’m scared, Alex. What if something went wrong with J’onn today?” worry sounded in her voice.  
“J’onn would have let you know, you know that. I’m sure she is fine and preparing for her date, just like you are.” She comforted her little sister.  
Kara nodded, “You are right.” She convinced herself. “Tell me, where are you taking Kelly?”  
“Her favourite sushi restaurant. We’ve had nice times there. In fact, I have to go to pick her up.”  
The sisters hugged and wished each other good luck.

\---------------------------

Kara’s nerves peaked the moment she heard a heartbeat approach her front door.  
The sound makes her feel warm inside, but the rhythm is calmer than Lena’s usually is.  
Nobody else makes her feel this way inside, it has to be the beat of her date.  
Kara uses her x-ray vision to make sure who is standing on the other side of her door.  
The familiar features make her smile.  
Before she can knock, Kara opens up the door for Lena.  
She greets green eyes with her biggest smile.

Lena is hovering her fist in the air, ready to knock “Oh…” she gasps.  
Her eyes slide over Kara from head to toe and back to lock on her eyes.  
“I mean… Hey… You look absolutely stunning.”  
Kara’s mouth has fallen open. She tries to respond but no matter how much she moves her jaw, words refuse to escape her lips. Her eyes wander over Lena’s body, being drawn to a particular area.  
“Kara… my eyes are up here.” Lena giggles.  
The blonde closes her eyes and shakes out of her gaze, but landing her eyes too low again.  
“I… I’m sorry. I’m very glad I didn’t wear pink… I mean… Red looks good on you. Eh… you are gorgeous… Just… wow… Your… You… It looks really good on you.” Kara can feel her face heating up.  
Lena adjusts her posture. Kara’s stares make her feel more confident.

“Can I come in or do you need a minute to take in the view some more.” Lena smirks.  
Kara squints her eyes and drops her head backwards; “I feel so busted right now.” She grunts while taking a step backwards, allowing Lena to enter her apartment.

Kara takes a deep breath to get herself together.  
“What are you holding behind your back?” She changes the subject.  
Lena’s heartbeat beats a little faster. She bites her lip while her cheeks blush up.  
“Have you seen the movie; ‘Imagine me & you’?” she shuffled on her high heels.  
The shook of Kara’s head made Lena sigh disappointed, “Okay, now this is a little weird… The movie is my guilty pleasure, we should watch it together sometimes. Afterwards you will know what this means. Or maybe you already know…” Lena hands Kara one single flower.  
“A Tiger Lily?” Kara smiled, “It’s beautiful, thank you.” She kissed the bashful brunette on her cheek as she walked by to find a nice spot for her flower.  
“I’ll find out what it means later.” She winked at Lena.  
“I’m ready to go.” She let Lena leave her apartment first.  
When she locked the door behind her, Lena tilted her head and asked, “Is it cheesy if I hold your hand? I really want to hold your hand.”  
Kara laughed and took Lena’s hand in hers, “You are cute when you’re nervous.” 

\------------------------------------------

Lena took Kara to a sushi restaurant. It didn’t take long for them for the tension to drop. Kara felt safe with Lena, like it was always supposed to be this way.  
Lena was sweet, calm, fun, confident and at peace… She seemed good. Still Kara had to ask: “How did it go with J’onn? I mean, was he able to help you?”  
Lena rolled her eyes away, it was like she had to regain herself before she answered: “Yeah, it went fine. We will do a test launch on a group of volunteers tomorrow. I could have built it into a device, but production would cost money and people would have to buy it. I believe a free mind shouldn’t be something you buy, it’s a right. With Myriad we can offer it to everyone for free.” She took a short break till she locked eyes with the Kryptonian again. “If all goes well, we will launch Myriad world wide Monday… Do you want to be there?” Lena took Kara’s hand in her own, she bended towards Kara as close as she could, her eyes were so sincere and trustworthy. Kara was speechless, she could only nod. Her mind was caught up in Lena’s well-being and her troubled soul, for a moment she forgot the faith of the world. Lena didn’t. She never did.  
Kara lifted herself out of her chair, leaned over their table and kissed Lena like nobody was watching. In the middle of a restaurant. She couldn’t resist her world saving genius.

“Get a room you two!” a familiar voice sounded from a woman who was just passing their table.  
Kara broke the kiss laughing. She saw Alex looking over her shoulder. She had a goofy smile on her face and gestured her look to the hand she was holding.  
Kara could tell their date was also going well. She directed her attention towards Lena again.  
“Have I told you how amazing you are?” Kara asked as she sat down on her chair again, with her hands still intertwined with Lena’s.  
The brunette raised an eyebrow “I don’t think so. If you did, I think I need to hear it again.” She smirked.

Kara giggled, “Lena Luthor, you are amazing!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading,
> 
> I think this would be a good end to this story.  
> Sometimes this story writes itself and it could honestly go on for many more chapters, but I don’t think it will do this aftermath of the crisis justice.  
> It gives me room to write different fics.  
> Maybe even one-shots.  
> If you think this story needs more closure, let me know.  
> I would also like to know what needs to be closed.  
> Please leave a comment.
> 
> I enjoyed writing my first fanfic.  
> I hope you enjoyed reading it, even though it was a complicated story (I realize that)
> 
> Love,  
> Daphne


End file.
